My attempts to teach others to objectively use the 1-10 scale to describe female attractivness has failed. For guys outside of my crew, the scale means absolutely nothing and doesn’t do what it was supposed to do: standardize beauty. The problem is that guys give every girl a 7 or 8 when that’s far from the case.

So it’s time to come up with a more general scale that will work anywhere at a slight cost of precision. Let’s put all women into the following five categories:

1. Beast. These are the girls that reduce your confidence after sex, not increase it. You wake up the next day and wonder, “What was I thinking?” This happened to me once a couple years ago when I experienced such morning shame that I had to escape from the girl’s house after she hopped into the shower. I fenced a wall of her gated community and grabbed a bus because I couldn’t afford a cab.

2. Okay. A girl you wouldn’t introduce to your friends, but is bangable. She probably has about 10 extra pounds, some mild acne, and a sense of style that makes my lumberjerk shirts look awesome. You want to put girls like this is the fuck-buddy bin. Side note: It’s strange that girls who are fat or ugly have bad style, even though style is something easily changeable that could drastically improve appearance. A fattie should never, ever step out of the house with anything less than three-inch heels.

3. Cute. This is your classic 7. A girl who is attractive and extremely bangagle, and your friends wouldn’t hesitate to say “I’d hit.” On some nights when she does creative shit with her makeup she can be extremely attractive. She will also look better during short vacations to Las Vegas or the Carribean because she starved herself the week prior to get ready.

4. Real Cute. Reaction from your player friends will be “Damn, she’s cute” or “Oooh she’s real nice.” Most normal men though would call these girls hot. I would only get into a longish term relationship with a girl in this category or higher, because with a merely Cute girl I’d be disturbed with thoughts knowing I could definitely do better.

5. Hot as balls. To get a girl here you will need a little bit more than just game, perhaps status or fame with a healthy dose of luck. If a friend sees you with her his comments may enter the haterade realm of “How much are you paying to hang out with her?!” or “How the fuck did you get her?” The irony of the Hot As Balls girl is that you often see her with some overweight, balding, unkempt, or otherwise extremely hairy man. Life plays cruel jokes on us all.

Let’s put this system in action with a couple examples…

“Yeah last night I woke up next to this beast and remembered that I didn’t use a condom. Should I get tested?”

“I’m tired of banging okay girls. Should I bang prostitutes on the side to improve my approach game?”

“I approached this hot as balls girl and she told me that she wouldn’t have sex with me if I was the last guy on earth. Then she threw her drink on me. What’s a good line that I could have responded with?”

And so on.

So there you have it. The 1-10 scale, unfortunately, has failed. If Virgle Kent or Roissy tells me they went out with an 8 I’ll know exactly what we’re working with, but any other guy and the 8 will probably not be an 8. She’d just be okay.

If this scale falls then I have another one waiting in the wings. It’s called “Pic or shut the fuck up.”