Every man playing the game eventually hits a point where the game — specifically the way women play the game — begins to irritate him.
Not just angry internet incels. Even men who are good at the game and don’t have too much trouble lining up dates or having sex eventually start to feel a little bit of a sting over how easy and low-effort the game can be for women. And all of the extra incentives that exist just for women who play it.
In fact, a lot of the time, it seems like women don’t even have game. They do, sort of, but it’s a different sort of game than men have, and girl game doesn’t always come across very well, especially if you’re using the internet to try to date.
For example, if you’re on a lot of online dating apps, you may receive various types of engaging and attention-grabbing messages from women such as:
“Hi!”
“Good morning!”
“What’s up?”
“What are you looking for?”
Obviously, if you sent such a low-effort, braindead opening line to a woman, you’d get nowhere. But for women, sending this to you counts as “game”. Even though this is a very low-interest, low-effort, barely-engaged action for the woman, this is what 90% of women do. This is all that most guys get from women.
Maybe you’ll get the occasional better or more interested effort from a woman, but if I were advising the average guy who’s having a little trouble getting laid on what might be a good strategy, I definitely wouldn’t tell him “ignore all of the low-effort messages”. That’s leaving sex on the table just to be some kind of principled, autistic internet man who’s afraid women might “win” if he “rewards” low effort.
Obviously, low-effort communications like that aren’t actually a woman’s attempt to game you. This is the woman’s invitation for you to game her. She is sending you this braindead message to give you the green light for you to show her some actual game. That way, she doesn’t risk rejection by showing you some actual effort of her own that you might turn down or not respond to. She just sends you a two second invite so that you can be the one who risks rejection with her.
After you’ve been at the game for a long time, this is pretty irritating to a lot of guys. Because maybe only half the time, give or take, is a woman actually interested in going on a date with you. The other half of the time, you’re getting a message from a time-waster. A woman who just wants some men on the internet to be her personal dancing clown entertainers for a few minutes and send her some fun flirty messages while she’s bored.
But there are still many women, including some of the women who send low-interest, low-effort communications, that end up on dates with guys. They weren’t unwilling to date, just unwilling to invest huge effort into online dating. (You can’t exactly blame them for that.) And there’s even the occasional woman who maybe initially didn’t want to date a guy and was just screwing around online, but changed her mind. That doesn’t happen often, but it happens once in awhile.
But all of this means that for most guys, in order to get a date lined up, they have to let some number of women “win” the game by “exploiting” them for free attention. Women who had no intention of meeting a guy, or at best very low interest in the prospect, who made next-to-no effort and just sent out a braindead low-effort message for attention, “won” by getting the attention they sought in exchange for almost no effort, and did not have to reciprocate with a date, or even a vaguely decent conversation.
On the other hand, it’s not like sending a message to a woman on the internet is some kind of enormous investment on the guy’s part. A decent message takes fifteen seconds to type, and you can do it from the toilet.
And once a guy’s gotten more experienced at identifying time-waster women, he knows that if he doesn’t have an actual date lined up or very close to being lined up after maybe half a dozen to a dozen messages, he’s wasting his time. At that point, he can just stop engaging. There’s no need for him to get ornery or mean and call the girl out. He can just disappear and go spend that time doing something better. Chewing out some random internet woman a guy has never met is autistic incel behavior anyway.
Even when a guy ends up on a date with a woman, there is no guarantee that the date will result in sex, a relationship, or even a subsequent date. Because only half the time, give or take, is a woman on a date actually interested in sex, a relationship, or more dating. The other half of the time, she’s a time-waster. A woman who’s bored and is just going out with a guy to have something to do, the guy serving as a dancing clown entertainer for a couple of hours, who’s also usually buying her free food and drink.
Maybe you’ll get the occasional better or more interested effort from a woman, but if I were advising the average guy who’s having a little trouble getting laid on what might be a good strategy, I definitely wouldn’t tell him “refuse to go on dates and only interact with women who will show up directly at your apartment for immediate sex”. That’s a hard sell for most women unless you’re the world’s hottest guy. It’s also leaving sex on the table just to be some kind of principled, autistic internet man who’s afraid women might “win” if he “rewards” low effort.
But understandably, going on a date with a non-serious woman is especially irritating to many guys. Here’s a woman who barely has to try and can throw out low-effort internet communications, and she gets as many dates as she cares to go on, while most men struggle to line up a single date. And then, some women have the audacity to not even treat the date like a real date and just manipulate some guy they’re only vaguely interested in for free drinks?
But not every woman on a date with a guy is uninterested and looking for free drinks or something to do while she’s bored. Some really do want to see where things go regarding possible sex, relationships, or additional dates. And there’s always the occasional woman who was only maybe slightly interested at best and was mostly bored, but changed her mind during the date. That doesn’t happen often, but it happens once in awhile.
But all of this means that for most guys, in order to turn a date into sex, a relationship, or more dates, they have to let some number of women “win” the game by “exploiting” them for free attention, and possibly free drinks or food. Women who had no intention of going home with a guy, or at best very low interest in the prospect, who made next-to-no effort and just showed up hoping to be entertained, “won” by getting the attention and drinks they sought in exchange for almost no effort, and did not have to reciprocate with a sex, a relationship, or even a second date.
At the end of the day, there are four billion women on earth. Dating and sex is a numbers game. A man will hit on an enormous number of women just to end up with a few that will talk with him. He will talk with an enormous number of women just to end up with a few who will meet him for a date. He will go on an enormous number of dates just to end up with some sex or a girlfriend. And at every step of this process, many of the women with whom he engages will waste his time, either because they decided they’re not into him, because he blew it somehow, or because they were never serious to begin with and were just bored or exploitative.
For the average guy, that is simply the cost of doing business. Some number of women are going to “win” by “exploiting” him before he comes across a woman who makes herself available to him. If half a dozen women waste his time before the next woman has sex with him, it’s up to him whether he chooses to focus on how angry those women who “won” and “exploited” him make him feel, or whether he shrugs and says “Don’t care; got laid”.
Sure, there are probably ways to better optimize his outcomes — waste a little less time and win a little more. But once a guy reaches a place where he’s okay with his dating and sex life — maybe he still gets his time wasted sometimes, and maybe his dating life is not 100% optimal, but he’s okay with how things are going — a lot of guys prefer to focus on other areas of life rather than worrying about optimizing their returns on the dating game. For many guys, it’s probably easier to get a little more work out the door each month and make more money than it is to obsessively worry how much time or money he’s spending on women relative to the number of times he ends up going home with a girl.
But for internet men who insist on trying to optimize women, a couple of easy things to fine-tune are when and how quickly you bail on conversations that aren’t going anywhere, and keeping your first dates limited to drinks (or non-consumption dates) where possible (such as by scheduling during non-meal times).
But if optimizing the game isn’t your cup of tea, then unless she’s your wife, women are the sort of thing you can work on until you hit the point where things are fine, then you can move on, not caring how many of them “win” as long as you’re getting what you want out of the game as well.
