The internet tells us that there is something called a “loneliness epidemic” affecting the modern generation - primarily young men. The very general summary of this “epidemic” is that people are on their phones and computers all the time (smartphones are actually computers, but we draw a mental distinction for some reason), everybody works too much, has surface-level acquaintanceships rather than real friendships, and everyone is completely disconnected from humanity. So people are chronically lonely.
But when this so-called loneliness epidemic is brought up in the context of The Red Pill and the relationship/gender war segment of social media, we don’t just mean the general idea of “I play video games all the time and don’t have any friends so I’m lonely”. We mean a very specific type of loneliness:
“I’m an average employed dude with his own place who’s done everything he’s supposed to do to not be a complete loser at life and be generally eligible to date girls, but despite my best efforts, I’m ending up with zero or nearly-zero dates, sex, and relationships even though I would desperately like some or all of these things. I am lonely because I have no women willing to date me, have sex with me, and/or be my girlfriend or wife.”
On one hand, I can understand the frustration. It takes a lot of hard work just to be an average dude. A man doesn’t just roll out of bed and end up with a decent job and a place to live. Sure, it’s not an earthshaking achievement to have a job instead of being morbidly obese and playing video games all day in Mom’s basement. But it’s definitely not effortless or automatic. Being just average is still pretty hard work.
So here we have a sizeable pile of guys who have worked hard and done everything they’re supposed to do in order to be productive members of society who are not total losers and are therefore allegedly eligible to date girls. There’s nothing wrong with the majority of these guys. They haven’t done anything wrong or bad. In fact, they’ve done a lot of things right. Most of them aren’t even bad-looking, just kind of average.
The normal, expected story arc for these guys would be that sure, dating is tough and most women they like won’t be interested in them, but these guys are generally good enough humans. So eventually, something will pan out in the dating scene and they’ll end up having some dates, some sex, maybe a girlfriend, and maybe even a wife and family one day. Sure, it won’t be easy or automatic, but nothing in life has been so far, so as long as they keep at it, the assumption is they’ll probably find someone and won’t be alone.
That is the “normal” path most humans take, and these average dudes are generally “normal” men, so it’s not crazy that these guys would expect that with a little effort, the normal things that happen for most people would happen for them. When they’ve worked as hard as they have and end up lonely, the frustration is understandable.
But on the other hand, when internet men complain about the “loneliness epidemic”, what are they actually asking? What is it that a lonely man who is complaining about his loneliness wants others to understand? What is it that he wants to change?
The answer isn’t very complicated:
“I’ve worked hard and done what I feel is enough to deserve the sex, dates, and relationships everyone else experiences as a normal outcome of life. I want that outcome for myself. I want women and/or the world to change so that this very reasonable outcome is possible for me.” I think Elliott Rodger wrote something to that effect in his long-winded manifesto, but he was off his meds at the time. Don’t be like Elliott Rodger off of his meds.
How exactly does a lonely man want women and/or the world to change? Simple. He wants to go back to some mythical time he thinks existed in the 1950s but never actually existed where women’s options were constrained. In this mythical time, women dated, sexed, and married average men and were grateful for it, because they had no choice.
Women’s employment opportunities and their opportunities for financial independence were limited. For them, it was marriage or poverty.
The social expectation was that every woman would be married. For them, it was marriage or social ostracization.
There was no internet, no going clubbing or hanging out in crowded bars hoping to be picked up. For them, it was marriage to some average guy in their small social circles or nothing.
None of this is exactly accurate, but this is what a lot of men think ye good ol’ days were like. There were shades of that 70 years ago, but it wasn’t exactly like that.
Accuracy aside, what the lonely man above wants is actually kind of creepy and sinister: He wants to do no additional work besides the admittedly hard work he is already doing, and receive the attentions of women. Not because he measures up under 2024 standards — he doesn’t. But because in his ideal world, women will be constrained from other options and have no choice but to be with him and men like him. Almost like a form of sexual socialism, where all the average men are equal and do the average work and receive their share of the average women.
Internet men complain that when a man shares his feelings, namely that he is sad, lonely, and depressed, that internet women do not care about him, and by extension do not care about men. The women actually get angry and call him names. They tell him he is creepy and entitled.
Of course they don’t care! Of course this discussion angers women to the core! Because think about what men are asking when they say “consider how lonely we are”.
The only “solution” to male loneliness is women having sex they don’t want to have with men they don’t want to be with, but setting up the system in a humane way that doesn’t feel too much like rape or coercion by diminishing women’s options, so when they end up with some average dude, it feels like they’re choosing it.
That’s not an option, though. The internet and the sexual revolution aren’t going back into the box.
There is no modern solution to male loneliness, unless we go full-on dystopian, have a revolution, and create a real-world Handmaid’s Tale or something. Loneliness is a feature, not a bug, because not all men are worthy of sex, companionship, or love. We like to think of these things as basic human needs. Normal human activities. Something everyone is supposed to experience. Dare I say, something some men might even feel entitled to experience simply because they are productive employed humans who have done the hard work and have not done anything wrong.
I’m sorry it’s not good news, internet men. Bitching about loneliness is low-key telling women you hope someone builds the Handmaid’s Tale in real life because you think women having sex with who they want is unfair.
Maybe this leads to an uptick in suicide, more violent crime, maybe even an Arab spring or mini-revolution of some kind. Or maybe men just placate themselves with creature comforts. But talking about the issue and hoping women understand and change is about as stupid as this sentence sounds.
