I want to like Earth Fare, I really do. I love me some grass fed meat, I like grass-fed, low-temp pasteurized, organic milk. I like being able to buy the occasional exotic food.

But it’s official. I hate shopping at Earth Fare. Let me count the ways:

  1. We’ve moved twice in the last 6 months. Our last home was very close to an Earth Fare in the SWPL downtown section of a college town. At the new digs, there’s an Earth Fare that just opened up nearby. The college town one was very small (typical of downtown grocery stores), so I thought half the problem was just that. The one near us now is about 4 times bigger. It’s on par with a typical small suburban grocery store. Nevertheless, the place is cramped. Cramped to the point of making me feel claustrophobic. I’m a fairly large guy. I’ll admit I’m a bit overweight, but even without that, I’d still be too big to walk around the store. Makes sense, given that the store is designed for stupid malnourished vegans and vegetarians. Still, this is modern retail 101, guys.
  2. The constant SWPL stares of “how dare you bring a baby into our store?” Yeah, well, my grandkids will be ruling the planet while yours are… oh wait, doing nothing because they won’t exist. Nevermind that we seemed to have the one normal sized grocery cart in the store (for our son to sit in). On the other hand, nobody needs a full sized grocery cart there because nobody can afford to do a whole week’s worth of grocery shopping there, especially if they have kids.
  3. Half the crap in this “health food” store is just process soy garbage. Most of it is “organic” potato chips, candy bars, TV dinners (or whatever PC term SWPLs use instead of TV dinners), cakes, pastries, snack bars, etc. Bleh.
  4. There weren’t even any hot hippie chicks to flirt with. Just a bunch of old baby boomers acting snotty toward everyone else.
  5. They didn’t even have the actual item we went to the store for. We wanted to pick up a whole duck to cook for Christmas (Hermione is an awesome cook). No dice, they didn’t have it. On the plus side, we stopped at Publix afterward for our normal groceries (you know, the kind that actual people can afford) and what do you know? They had a whole duck. If I’d known that, I wouldn’t have even stopped at Earth Fare

Ridiculous. This is what our so called “elites” think is the future of our country? I’ll pass, thank you very much.