Delayed Ejaculation: When He Just Can’t Orgasm With You

I had a long email from a woman who has what she believed was a unique problem. Her boyfriend couldn’t orgasm with her. He could orgasm normally while masturbating, and he was very clearly interested in her sexually, and in fact he was very pleasing to her sexually. The best lover she ever had… just no orgasm for him… nor anyone else in his sexual history. There was an obvious smoking gun in his history though – at age 13, he learned that he was the product of a rape. Which I think has to have been a bit of a mindfuck….

Hi there,

it’s called Delayed Ejaculation and you are not alone. I’ve had another woman write to me with the same issue, so it’s not unheard of to me and I’m sure if you start searching online with “delayed ejaculation” as search terms, you’ll find a ton more information.

I think in your boyfriend’s case the explanation is simple, at age 13  he learned about him being a product of rape and that scarred him psychologically. He’s physically fine if he can masturbate to orgasm several times a week, but he’s made this mental block of something along the lines of “I’ll never get a woman pregnant, and I can do that by not ejaculating with her.”

What he’s essentially done is “toilet trained” himself to “hold it” until he can get to an appropriate place to masturbate. It’s exactly the same thing as people who can’t use public bathrooms to poop, and they just hold it until they get home. They say they “just can’t” and have no real explanation for it beyond that.

So my suggestion is to is to have your boyfriend stop masturbating. The purpose of this is to build up semen inside him and make him increasingly trigger happy when he has sex with you. At some point, his physical need for release will just become too great and he won’t be able to hold it any longer. Male sexuality is a plumbing problem as much as anything; the more pressure built up the harder it wants to blow something out and ruin the carpet.

It’s essentially the same idea of denying someone a bathroom and telling them they have to pee on themselves. The will hold out for a long time, but if they keep taking in fluids, eventually they just have to break their conditioning and pee on themselves.

If this behavior of losing control with you and having an orgasm is repeated enough, it should become the new conditioning he becomes used to. Over time it should get easier and easier for him to orgasm with you.

This approach did prove effective with my other reader. Though I caution you that it did take around nine months before they had success. Mostly because they didn’t both buy into the idea fully at first, and because he repeatedly masturbated without her knowledge and lied to her about it. He was extremely avoidant about dealing with the issue and from the beginning I suggested getting a male chasity device for him, but neither one wanted to try it.

A few weeks back she wrote to me at her wits end and I again painstakingly explained to her he was lying to her about not masturbating. Once I convinced her she was actually heartbroken about it all and I believe she gave him a “short sharp directive” after that email. Eight or nine days after that I received a quite pornographic email in return describing a blowjob that resulted in the mother of all cumshots. Still trying to be avoidant, he actually tried stopping the blowjob twice, but she forced the issue and got covered in goo as she desired.

So anyway, that’s just one idea of the few that are out there for trying to fix Delayed Ejaculation. If it works great, if not, try something else. Do expect a little bit of a bumpy road, but it is possible to change this. Ironically, what we’re actually trying to do is teach him that you’re his cum-dumpster. Though I mean that in the sweetest way.