Husband losing his wife to another man…
This little snippet upset me.
They have had sex, a lot. She says she likes how he is sexually aggressive with her and enjoys being objectified by him. Admittedly, we have had some tension in this department, but I have tried becoming more agressive over these last years. We have always enjoyed our sex, but I have always been too gentle and slow I guess. I like to savor her and I have told her this. She appreciates this and enjoys the attention, but it has not been all she wants so I have tried to expand.
Most women like rough sex and being treated like sex objects – if only once in a while. If this is something she wants, and you don’t give it to her, you leave the door open to someone else offering it.
I guess what pisses me off is all the public discussion of sex suggests that a man should be gentle and slow in bed. Its just wrong, badly wrong. Sure, the slow and gentle thing once in a while is fine, but not every time.
“From 1973 through 2008, nine surveys of women’s rape fantasies have been published. They show that about four in 10 women admit having them (31 to 57 percent) with a median frequency of about once a month. Actual prevalence of rape fantasies is probably higher because women may not feel comfortable admitting them.
For the latest report (Bivona, J. and J. Critelli. “The Nature of Women’s Rape Fantasies: An Analysis of Prevalence, Frequency, and Contents,” Journal of Sex Research (2009) 46:33), psychologists at North Texas University asked 355 college women: How often have you fantasized being overpowered/forced/raped by a man/woman to have oral/vaginal/anal sex against your will?
Sixty-two percent said they’d had at least one such fantasy. But responses varied depending on the terminology used. When asked about being “overpowered by a man,” 52 percent said they’d had that fantasy, the situation most typically depicted in women’s romance fiction. But when the term was “rape,” only 32 percent said they’d had the fantasy. These findings are in the same ballpark as previous reports.”
Now quite obviously a rape fantasy is vastly different from rape reality. Actual rape is utterly horrible and evil. But consental, rough sex can hit the same triggers of enjoyment that the fantasy can.
For Jennifer and myself we really only started discovering it about 4-5 years ago. To be sure we have had rough/firm sex before then, but I was always slightly apologetic about it. And nothing kills the moment faster than asking “Are you okay? I hope I didn’t hurt you.” right after you finish. Doh!
It was only after reading about it that I really started trying it out on her and to my vast surprise she reacted positively. So I kept throwing it into the mix and she kept liking it. She actually liked it immediately while I struggled with it emotionally for about two years. Seemed a bit aggressive and obnoxious to me, to be honest. I only started enjoying it in the last couple of years.
I’m still growing and learning as I write this blog. About a year ago I tried another experiment. I decided to not just have rough sex with her, but to do it as hard as I could… without regard for her enjoyment or caring about her at all. I mean really, really, really rag doll fuck her like she was rented.
She loved it.
My sweet, kind, gentle, smart, funny, caring, educated, polite, playful, good girl, wife and mother… loved it. Afterwards she melded herself into my side with her head on my shoulder and just purred. The next day she was a little sore in the lady bits, but she texted excitedly back and forth too. She doted on me the next evening.
Cause and effect my love.
Jennifer: This is a “style” of making love that I really enjoy, but that I don’t need every day. And thinking about it, part of my positive reaction to the rough stuff is a reaction to his enthusiasm. He is enthusiastically pounding me, therefore I react enthusiastically. The same writhing and moaning might not be quite in keeping with a more sedate encounter.
It was actually somewhat disturbing to me. Yes I know women aren’t mindless automons that have no will power or ability to make choices, but this is a definite influence on wifely behavior. I’ve seen too many cases of a nice guy husband losing out to basically a thuggish lover with not much else going for them.
What I’m saying is, if someone else had screwed Jennifer like that behind my back ten years ago…
…I really don’t know if I could have gotten her back. I just don’t know.
Don’t misunderstand – Jennifer has been a loyal, devoted and honorable wife and I deeply appreciate that about her. But she’s a woman nevertheless and like all women, she has an inner slut component to her personality. I’m the one that really gets to see it, but it’s there. When I say she has an inner slut, it’s a term of respect.
I meet Jennifer when she was 18. She’s 38 now… she’s grown. Somewhere along the way she went from my little ”Hello Kitty” virgin and turned into something more akin to a cougar. I mean that in a good way.
The trick with big cats is to feed it the food they like. Otherwise they hunt.
Buy The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011!
(Costs about as much as 3-5 minutes of a divorce lawyers hourly fee. A bargain!)
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