Sex During Pregnancy and Married Man Game

I got asked a question via email about what’s the biological basis for how sex in pregnancy plays out. The short answer is I know in a vague general sense, but pregnancies are so variable that individual advice is all but impossible.

Lets come at it from the other side of the equation first. The clutch-the-pearls and cut to commercial dramatic insight is that one of the most likely times for a husband to cheat on his wife is during her pregnancy. This makes perfect sense in that the biological point of sex for the man is to get the woman pregnant. Once she’s actually pregnant its “Mission Accomplished” and being the cads that we are the biological cross hairs start looking for other targets. Like her sister. Or the wife next door. Or a babysitter. Or any of the 53 women he accidentally messaged on Ashley Madison.

So one possible counter tactic for the pregnant woman to keep Mr.Naughty around home base and not throwing his dick into unsanctioned orifice is to actually become quite exceptionally horny. See if he’s drained and limp from constant playtime he’s essentially disarmed and while he can do a fly by over foreign soil he can’t actually get into a sortie and fire any missiles. Plus all those pony rides are quite bonding of him to her thanks to Oxytocin.

The other thing that happens in general is that women lose some attraction to Alpha types and gain some attraction to Beta types. The reason for that is quite simple, the Alphas tend to come with better genes and at this point she’s got whatever male deposited genes she has inside her already so that avenue of interest is a done deal. However the raising of the baby is more easily done by a nice Beta Daddy. Someone who will hold a job, help out around the house, play with the baby and generally not drink beer while farting heavily into the good couch every night.

I’m sure you all know a few women who got knocked up by their bad boy boyfriends that they just couldn’t get enough off, suddenly have this 180 degree horrified change of heart when Mr. Motorcycle No Helmet made it plain that diaper changing was a completely female orientated task in his book. Then they have to shop for a new man with 8 pounds of screaming baggage and stretchmarks. (We all saw that coming by the way, you were the last to know.)

The trouble is that beyond a general increase in sexual interest, and a move towards appreciation of the Beta Male Traits, that individual pregnancies are as I said so variable that individualized advice is near impossible. Even for the same woman each pregnancy can be vastly different. Sometimes there is terrible morning sickness, others a wave of mild nausea. Some women become highly sexually aggressive, others find it wanes, some become moody and annoyed, others turn into a zen like calm, some have a lot of pain and discomfort, others feel great up until the final few weeks.

So in some senses my advice is just “see how it goes”. For the husband though, in general don’t neglect the value of some of the more Beta sort of things. The married father gets far better points for helping out around the house than simply being someones boyfriend does. Obviously you shouldn’t give away the entire Alpha line of goodies, that way leads to masturbation and defeat, but if you can’t show some willingness to Beta Up over a pregnant wife you’re going to brand yourself negatively to all women that meet you into the future.

If you’re leaning towards bad boy and she’s in her 6th month, and you leave one Saturday morning with a motorcycle and come back with something with four doors and a two new car seats from Wal-Mart “one for your car one for mine“, she will likely openly sob into your chest clutching onto your shirt. Then she will talk about that moment for the next… well for the rest of her life. The only thing you have to remember is something that she wore that day. So when she tells that story twenty two years later you can can say something like “oh yeah I remember that day, you were wearing those green dangling earrings, I’m kinda embarrassed but the whole time you were crying into my chest I couldn’t help thinking how nice they looked”.

Then she’ll be frakked up mentally that you remembered her most awesome moment better than she did after twenty-two years. Then any form of questioning about how you remembered can be simply cut off with “well of course I remember, it was our baby“. Then kiss close and fclose as soon as possible. As in immediately. As in stop everything and pull her to the bedroom and start taking her clothes off. Half cooked dinner be dammed, order take out later.

Hmmm kinda wandered off a little there…

Anyway, for the ladies reading. Beyond medical needs requiring you to abstain from sex, you would be utterly foolish to reduce or otherwise be unexcited about sexing up your husband while pregnant. In many ways your behavior in your first pregnancy is going to set the tone for the rest of your marriage. If you turn into a total bitch demanding to be catered to, that will very likely continue into the rest of your marriage. If pregnancy is your excuse not to have sex with your husband, that will likely continue into the rest of your marriage. Make him feel like the baby is more important than him during the pregnancy and he’ll quietly and permanently resent his displacement for the rest of the marriage. This will basically self-destruct things on you at the seven year itch mark.

On the other hand if you find yourself grabbing the occasions that vaginal sex is possible, or when you’re less horny but not completely crappy offering handjobs and blowjobs. Just asking for help in an even tone of voice rather than wailing for attention. Trying to make the experience as shared as it can be, (and I get that it’s not really shared, but do try and cut him “into things” rather than “out of things”) then that will probably carry over into the rest of your marriage too.

And Spoons. Spoons is a great position towards the end.