Jennifer’s parents have this amazing street that still goes all out for Halloween, so we make it into our annual Candy Mecca for the kids. Of course kids with cell phones and Facebook talk to other kids… and pretty soon the word on the street is that the Kay kids have the hot ticket and pretty soon we have the entire giggle of girls wanting in.
So knowing that I’m going to play taxi driver for my youngest daughter and her friends down to my in-laws place, I decide to plan ahead. Actually let me explain why I have to plan ahead. These are all good kids, but one of them is like Kermit the Frog on cocaine in terms of the sheer verbiage that spews from her mouth. She is a good kid, she’s not disrespectful or anything, but it’s just like Robin Williams and a Gatling gun made a baby together and she has the Gatling gun’s sense of humor. I feel bad for just tolerating her, but I just can’t take it.
So anyway… 30 minute car ride with this kid. Something has to be done.
I hatch a plan. I pop into Target and buy a cheap “Best of Disco” CD. Once the kids are piled into the car I pop the CD in and just play the disco at them at a moderate level and it’s like frakking magic.
“Oh I love this song.”
“OMG I know this one”.
“Can you turn up the radio Mr. Kay?”   (Yes. Yes I can.)
By the time we get down to the in-laws I have some totally tamed 6th Grade girls. They pile out of the car singing and dancing… “At the Car Wash! Whoa-ah-whoa-oh!” and doing the hip bump thing together. Jennifer driving the other car with more kids is just amazed at me.
“What did you do to them?”
“Oh nothing, just played some disco”.
“Haha really?”
“Oh yeah, girls are easy for me.”
Eye rolling and groaning, but a smile.
“Well you’re easy for me aren’t you?”
She slaps my arm.
Anyway we had a good time with Halloween and more disco on the way back home. You know, just to establish the operant conditioning. I didn’t realize how much they enjoyed it until about a week ago when a couple of the kids are over visiting and doing something in the living room with my kids and I get home from work. I say the normal hi kids routine and plonk down at the computer. A few minutes later guess what I hear from them…
“At the Car Wash! Whoa-ah-whoa-oh!”
Holy crap. Disco is like kryptonite for girls and they associate seeing me with hearing it. Who knew?  I think I’m going to do some field testing on women and see how it works out.
Update: In writing this post I was hunting up some YouTube disco and I instantly caught Jennifer singing and grooving along to this…
Suggest cranking it and finding a proximal member of the opposite sex.
Do a little dance, make a little love, go down on me tonight…

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