The Number One Reason Husbands Don’t Get Blowjobs

Let’s see, you’re doing Alpha stuff, you’re doing Beta stuff, she’s smiling at you, you’re getting more sex and all is well. Well except for that little slightly uncomfortable scuffle thing that happens when you put your hand on the back of her head and try and direct it downwards. There’s a pulling back and twisting out thing she does with her head and a “not tonight”.

“Not tonight” of course implies that at some future “tonight” a blowjob will indeed be forth coming, but that night doesn’t seem to happen. There’s no excited “hey tonight” that she spontaneously voices in lip quivering breathless passion.

Let me tell you what the problem likely is….

… you gotta stand closer to the soap.

See you may think you smell just fine, but in the words of Fat Bastard “everybody loves their own aroma”. See her vagina doesn’t have a sense of smell, so as long as you don’t smell terrible all over she can lie back and think about shoe sales for the 2 minutes it takes for you to be done. (Yeah yeah I know, you only need two minutes because you’re “so intense”.)

But her nose does have a sense of smell and when its nuzzling into your crotch she’s going to get a heady whiff of whatever the hell has been happening down there. So two day old underwear with urine stains aren’t going to cut it. If you’re spent half the day getting hard  over the busty chick in the cubical next to you and there’s something approaching a pint of drying pre-cum swill in your pants that’s going to be bad too. If you have sweaty balls from either a very hot day, recent exercise or just bizarre genetic defect, that’s going to be bad too. Women have sensitive noses, far more sensitive than those of men. Faced with smells like these she’s just going to uncontrollably gag as soon as something goes in her mouth. They hate that.

Even if the last person you had sex with was her, if that’s not cleaned off with soap and water and is just left el naturale, within 24 hours your cock is going to smell like you have a fetish for barebacking cheap zombie hookers.

So there it is guys. Wash. Your. Cock.