The World’s Saddest Handjob vs Below Average Sex

Thunder has left a new comment on your post “Sexy Move: The Swirly Tease Thing”:

I always thought that no sex is better than bad sex and that only needy men settled for bad sex. I felt that if she is not into it and only taking one for the team (commenting on being tired, etc…) that it would be better to forgo as accepting half-assed sex was settling and showed weakness/neediness.

Athol – you are basically saying grab any and all opportunities whenever they come up – even if it is half-hearted. Something seems incongruent with that thought process. What am I missing here?

Athol: In a general sense taking whatever sexual opportunity your wife offers your way is Alpha. Not every sexual act is going to be amazing, but even below average sex is going to be good and enjoyable.

The long term benefit of below average sex is that you both stay in sexual fitness and some of those less excited sexual acts will turn into quite exciting events. People wait forever to “be in the mood” before having sex, but that makes about as much sense as waiting to “be in the mood” to bench press your max rep without ever going to the gym. Also sex together isn’t a solo act and just like practicing your dance moves together frequently, you’re going to be better dance partners.

Quite often the situation exists where the husband has a higher sex drive than the wife. The solution to that scenario is that the wife offer more sex than she would naturally want, which means some days she isn’t going to be “in the mood”. However that doesn’t mean she doesn’t enjoy pleasuring her husband, feeling physically close and having sex as an expression of love.

My sex drive is higher than Jennifer’s. I actually think that if she was married to someone else she might easily settle down into 2-3 times a week. But married to me I keep her sexual fitness up so her average rises above that. Plus we’re both aware of her being turned on some days, and just being very loving of me on others – and her average rises because of that too.

So in a general sense, if she offers, take her up on it.

However, if what she is offering is sex with a side order of contempt and hatred, I would turn her down. It’s really more of a Fitness Test along the lines of “I want to see if you are so pathetically needy and weak to me that you’ll actually have sex with me while I shit on you.”

It’s really a very nasty piece of business to do this to a husband. If she doesn’t want to have sex with him, all she has to do is say no and not have sex with him. Having sex with him and acting like she doesn’t want to have sex with him, is “cruel and unusual punishment” and is as such ruled out by the Geneva Convention.

So faced with the option of doing Mrs. Sourpuss, I’d just decline and go do something else. If you follow through and actually have whatever the sex offered is, you will continue to lose her respect and interest.

Don’t be Louis.C.K….

I mean the standup piece is funny as hell. But surprise he’s divorced now. True story.