One of the more dramatic tests a women can try on a man is where she knows she is arousing him, is taking some kind of deliberate action to arouse him, sticking around in very close proximity, but then denies him sexual release with her.
Usually this sort of thing happens before a dating relationship turns fully sexual. The standard variant is the “lets get into bed and just cuddle” routine with her in some state of undress. Obviously the male isn’t very much going to want to JUST CUDDLE. She 100% knows this and is doing it purposely to mess with him. Yet the guy thinking it’s some sort of stepping stone to her pussy will like a chump get into the bed and cuddle and talk and touch her hoping she’ll change her mind. She might, but she probably won’t. The whole thing is a test is to see if you’ll overcome her defenses. Just leaking pre-cum onto her lower back is a failing grade.
The solution is fairly simple. You state that she’s testing you and you give her two choices – get out or put out. Note that there’s no pressure on her with your tone of voice, this is all just a simple statement of facts. You’re a grown ass man, not some high schooler, you’re either going to have sex, or get some sleep so you can go about your day feeling good tomorrow. Staying up half the night hoping for sex isn’t going to happen. If she leaves and goes home, that’s fine, you’ll make sure she’ll get home if need be, you’re just not interested in being toyed with. Not sleeping with you that night isn’t a relationship ender either. Despite cutting off the opportunity for sex that night, over the longer term this will actually make you seem a little more edgy and sexually potent to her. You actually turned her down, not the other way around. Also it pays to give her a little time to make her decision and while she does so, you should make some moderate physical space between you both. As in seperate rooms in the house.
What happens to a woman in your bed is natural consequences, not threats. A woman sleeping in your bed is going to get fucked and fucked well as a requirement for sleeping next to you.
Of course if you’re married and you get some bizarre event where she purposely gets you hard and then switches off on you without some obvious screw up on your part, you’ll need to address that. This is called being a cock tease. Now just to be clear I’m not saying you’re gonna get laid every night, but if something was clearly started, like she’s done things to your penis or you’ve made her come and she suddenly declares the whole thing over and you’re still throbbing with hardness and dripping pre-cum, that’s what I’m talking about. An obvious screw up on your part would be saying her sister’s name passionately, or accidentally elbowing her in the eye as you try and switch positions for example. (We’ve done the eye thing a few times lol.)
Now naturally you can’t offer her the “put out or get out” choice like you can a girlfriend / booty call because you can’t order her out of the house because she lives there. What you must do though is make it clear that it is unacceptable and you’re pissed off. At this point a “discussion” is probably pointless, she’s probably just going to be able to out talk you and half your blood volume is between your legs and there’s not much left up top to formulate a sentence anyway.
What needs to be done is a display of the potential of physical dominance of an adult male over an adult female. Now that sounds like an ass whooping, but that sort of thing gets you jailed, so we can’t do that. My variation is a dramatic display of power, but also pretty safe as well.
What you do is get out of the bed, pick up your side of it and lift it up slowly to about a 45 degree angle and gently threaten to slide her ass out of the bed onto the floor. If you do it right, fast enough to surprise her, but slow enough that she can think to scrabble to stay in the bed as you tip it, you can make demands that she finish what she started. If you get a “yes” you lower the bed and get it on.
If she’s totally non-compliant, she does need to end up on the floor. Don’t hurt her, just deposit her on the floor. It’s like play fighting with a kid, the idea is to be dramatic but strong enough that despite the appearance of violence it’s safe. It’s actually a stronger display of male power to not have the kid injured than to have them injured. Likewise if you just go “HULK SMASH!” and the bed literally flips end over end and she thumps against the wall and breaks her arm, that’s really bad. I said gently lift up the bed and deposit her on the floor. There is a difference between flexing your muscles and Smack Your Bitch Up.
Then in the most even, measured tone of voice possible say, “If you change your mind I’ll be in the Living Room, if not, goodnight”. Direct eye contact the whole time. Then walk out chin held high. There is absolutely NO “discussion”. The conversation simply ends, the more you talk the worse it gets. Once out in the Living Room get comfortable, don’t jerk off (you might need that), just settle in for the night. Under NO circumstances return to the bedroom if you hear her crying. She’ll either come out to you, or she won’t.
If she comes out to you, no matter how late in the night, how tired you feel, you need to have sex with her. If she doesn’t, she doesn’t. (Shit I don’t know, what to do about that. If she doesn’t come out after all that, that seems pretty bad. Maybe start floating marriage counseling as an idea, she hates you.)
For the record, I’ve never had to even think about doing this with Jennifer. It’s all untested, so be advised, but I just can’t possibly see how just sucking this sort of thing up is going to benefit the relationship over the long term. The key attitude to not ever needing to think about using this tactic is to stay firmly on point with the idea that you understand a yes and a no, but cock tease is going to get you very worked up. Touch the penis, make the penis happy, that’s the rule. If she doesn’t respect you in the bedroom, she won’t respect you anywhere else. Ultimately this really is about respect, not sex.
Either way, she’ll probably never purposely cock tease you again. And again – know the difference between flirting and playing as extended through the day foreplay, and everything was getting started up and she just turned it all off on you. Oh and don’t flip the bed because baby needed an early feeding or a kid wanted a glass of water or something. Kids crying in the next room can shut her juices off faster than you being broke.
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