Why Brad Pitt is With Angelina Jolie and Not Jennifer Aniston

Reader Question: Hi Athol, What do you think is the story behind the media’s obsession with the Brad Pitt/Aniston/Angelina Jolie “love triangle”? I mean, the split between Pitt and Aniston happened six or seven years ago, didn’t it? And many other celebrity couples have split or cheated on each other, etc. Why the peculiar fascination with this triad?

Here are my best guesses:

(1) Angelina Jolie’s sex rank was (and is?) much higher than Aniston’s, but Aniston was beloved by many women from being on Friends. So a lot of women identified with seeing Aniston get dumped for a prettier woman–which is a deep insecurity/fear for a lot of women.

(2) Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are a “super-couple” looks-wise. It’s easy to forget it today, but when they were in their 20s they were both gorgeous and highly desirable. So the fascination with them and their kids springs partly from that, but it’s conflicted (see #1).

(3) Brad may be good-looking, but he does sometimes come across as a bit of a beta, at least in relationships. So maybe this is a sort of surrogate for an experience that most women will never have: competing over a good-looking, wealthy beta and standing a chance?

I don’t really know, but I saw one of those tabloids in the grocery store today and it made me wonder. That’s all.

Athol:  On one hand, seriously who gives a crap about tabloid nonsense. Jennifer (as in my Jennifer) and I had a minor brush with them a few months back, and I can assure you that all that matters to them is story fodder to draw more eyes and get to sell more advertising. On the other hand, this does make an interesting puzzle to play, and I’m up for the challenge.

Firstly, let’s just call both Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie a 10 in their prime and be done with it. Far too many guys have this crazy need to act like Mrs Battleaxe grading term papers and never giving anything better than a B+ because “there’s always room for improvement”. They are both rich and hot, and in their prime, definitely 10s. So that angle to me is a wash.

But that being said, they do have some critical differences that swing the scales to Angelina, that make Brad’s choice the logical one.

Jennifer Aniston comes off as a “good girl” and possibly in need of fresh sheets on the bed to be able to come to orgasm. Well okay, maybe that’s a bit much, I was saving that line for a Martha Stewart joke and got tired of waiting. Anyway… Angelina Jolie comes off as a fair bit slutty and into having sex. When she was married to Billy Bob Thornton she used to have a vial of his blood in a necklace – I think once bodily fluids become jewelry for a chick, anal is actively ruled in. Plus the tattoos are a fairly good sign of brazen sexuality too. Jennifer Aniston did get that whole cult following of women getting their hair cut in “The Rachel”, but guys didn’t give a toss about it. Angelina Jolie was Lara Croft for crying out loud, so guys care about that seeing polygon count was involved.

So while I have no hard proof, my hunch is Angelina is the better one in the sack. But that in and of itself probably isn’t enough to make a guy jump ship from Jennifer to Angelina. Hit it on the side once in a while sure, but not divorce the good girl.

Once you start looking at their ages though, it gets more interesting… the switch went down in 2005…

Bratt Pitt (1963), age now is 47 and age in 2005 was 41.

Jennifer Aniston (1969), age now is 42 and age in 2005 was 36.

Angelina Jolie (1975), age now is 35 and in 2005 was 29.

The difference between a 36 year old woman and a 29 year old woman is huge in terms of fertility… and thus sexiness. Remember the rule that “what is sexy is what is good for making and raising babies”. Once a woman is 36 she is really starting to get into the realm of having a hard time getting pregnant and increasing her risks for birth defects. A 29 year old is going to have a much easier time of it.

Also there have been rumors yada yada yada that Jennifer lost not one, but two of Brad’s babies in 2003 and 2004. So if that is true, it’s very definitely a non-hopeful thing to succeed on a third attempt. She may just have not wanted kids, but the general scuttlebutt is that she is infertile and no matter how you slice it, she’s now 42 and childless.

Angelina on the other hand was already adopting children and showing heavy duty interest in kids before she started with Brad in 2005. If he wanted children, that would have been a potentially quite positive pull on him. Since then they have had three biological children together and have three adopted children. So on the children front, Angelina owns Jennifer completely.

So there you have it, Angelina just comes off as the better choice every which way, kinky in bed, younger and more fertile. If women in the general public were unhappy with Jennifer Aniston getting dumped by Brad, it’s kind of understandable in that Jennifer Aniston comes across as the good girl, and in this case there were no rewards for being good. So it does seem unfair. Especially unfair if the issue was infertility and miscarriages that were the real wedge between them.

But Sex Rank and Body Agenda have little concern for what is fair. As far as Body Agenda is concerned, Brad Pitt did exactly the right thing in switching to Angelina Jolie. Three biological children for the win. Game, Set, Match.

And yeah… Brad Pitt does seem to be dragged all over creation on Angelina Jolie’s leash doesn’t he, so he does seem awfully Beta and heading for a bad ending. But then again, the tabloids aren’t likely to have a fair shake for the man seeing they are purchased primarily by women. When Inside Edition interviewed us back in May, I had about twenty questions and answers about Alpha and Beta, and (my)Jennifer had about four of them. The final cut had her answering four questions and me a single one… and a Beta one at that.

See how that works?