Men’s Issues Matter Too - by Hillary Clinton*

April 1, 2008

The following is a transcript of the speech given by presidential candidate Hillary Clinton at the California Men’s Center this morning:

Welcome. It is good to see you all here this morning.

Firstly, I would like to thank the National Coalition of Free Men, and Harry Crouch, director of the California Men’s Center, for inviting me here to speak today.

As you all probably know, I have long been an advocate for women’s rights and issues. However, it has become increasingly clear to me during my presidential campaign that I have overlooked the issues that American men face. Well, I have done some soul searching on these issues, and have had a change of heart in my approach toward gender politics. After all, men’s issues matter too, and I will now detail my new ideas here.

I have said that it takes a village to raise a child. And a vital part of that village is men and fathers that are valued for their involvement in the families of that village. As president I will urge the states to reform their family courts to encourage shared parenting so that fathers are no longer routinely excluded from their children’s lives or treated as criminals in family court.

After all, no man is illegal.

I have said that women are the primary victims of war. After men, that is. Really, men have borne the brunt of war for time immemorial. Just look at the law that requires Selective Service registration for 18-year-old men, but not 18-year-old women. It’s high time that young women in America did their part for national defense by registering as well, and as president I plan to promote legislation to this end.

I have spoken of a woman’s right to choose. It’s only fair that reproductive rights be extended to men as well. Stop paternity fraud! Choice for men, now!

I have been an advocate for health care reform, but regrettably have neglected to see the male angle to this. It is unconscionable that there is a federal Office of Women’s Health without a corresponding Office of Men’s Health, when men have a life expectancy nearly 6 years less than women.

While I’m at it, the Violence Against Women Act needs to be reformed to include male victims. I feel a bit contrite here, as it was me that slashed my husband’s face in 1993 simply because Barbara Streisand was visiting the White House. There was no excuse for my violence against Bill, and as president I plan to make it up to the men of America who have been unrepresented in domestic violence services for too long.

And what about IMBRA – that is, the The International Marriage Brokers Regulation Act? How did this unconstitutional law ever get passed? Surely American men as a whole are a decent lot who deserve the opportunity to look for love and marriage overseas without the presumption of being abusers. As president, I will not only repeal this anti-male law, but will push for legislation to protect American men from financial exploitation by unscrupulous foreign women. American men deserve protection too!

Furthermore, as president I will not allow radical feminists to pressure me or Congress into ratifying CEDAW, or the Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination Against Women, in the United States. Not only is this law unnecessary in the United States, but it would be an imposition on the sovereignity of this nation by a small clique of idealogues. Phyllis Schlafly was right about this one.

Now, some of my so-called advocates have tried to pit women’s issues against black issues, and claimed that the former is more important than the latter. Well, all I can say is that there is no comparison between being subject to centuries of slavery followed by another century of Jim Crow laws, and being asked to make coffee.

And what about the boys of this nation. It isn’t fair that the education system in the United States is rigged to favor the learning styles of girls. The Department of Education has pursued this unethical policy for too long, and it needs to be reformed. Our boys don’t neet Ritalin – they need an education system that works for them.

We also need to overhaul Title IX. It’s absurd to eliminate college men’s sports teams to create women’s sports teams that aren’t necessarily wanted in order to comply with a rigid quota system. Let’s return Title IX to what it was originally intended to do.

And once our young men enter the workforce, they are discriminated against once again by preferential hiring practices that favor women. Women should be hired on the basis of merit, not favoritism. Also, I no longer believe in the wage gap myth, which fails to take into account the fact that men tend to work longer hours at more dangerous jobs than women.

In conclusion, what I have referred to in the past as the ultimate glass ceiling really only tells half the story. The glass cellars of male disposability, as Warren Farrell terms it, are the other side of the coin that has been overlooked for far too long. The so-called boy’s club of presidential politics in reality has been more about passing legislation to help and protect women than it has been about serving the interests of the common man. As president I plan to return the favor by promoting legislation that helps men for a change.

Thank you, and I hope to receive your vote in November!

*Not really. Happy April Fool’s Day!