With my last entry I talked about why young men go after cougars, for “experience”. In this case the needed “experience” is not expereince necessarily in the sense of having done something before. The issue is really “social proof”.
What is social proof? Wikipedia gives a good definition. It even explains how it’s relevant to us.
For example, if a man is perceived to be in a company of attractive women, or is associated with them, then his perceived social value and attractiveness will be perceived to be greater. The implied cognition in this case would be “All those girls seem to really like him, there must be something about him that’s high value”.If he is seen to be rejected by many women, his social value will be judged negatively. The implied cognition is then “I just saw him being rejected by many women, there is probably a good reason why they don’t like him”.
This lays bare the problem. It doesn’t matter what you do, how much you make, or how many positive qualities you have. What matters is to a woman is how other women perceive you. This is problem that I and other men I know suffer from. I know men in the same situation as me who have tried to solve the problem by going to a hooker. It didn’t solve the problem because going to a hooker didn’t provide social proof.
This is something the game experts will tell you about. Novaseeker has said that women are attracted to social dominance and social proof above all else. A commenter at Roissy’s pointed out how women are constantly judging men and how to women, men are guilty until proven innocent. The only way to be “innocent” is with social proof.
What does it mean for men like us who no women are interested in? It means there’s nothing wrong with us. We are not being judged on our positive (or negative) qualities. We are being judged on how other women are judging us. Several entries ago I wrote about a man who pointed out of men with no women interested in them generally have no women in their lives (outside of our moms). Social proof is why.
This is something we have no control over, it’s not our fault. Michael found an article about women who go after married men and pointed out how women would rather go after married men than virgins. Social proof is the reason. Married men by definition have social proof. Virgin/dateless men do not. Social proof is a form of fundamental attribution error. This is an error women are committing not us. We virgin/dateless men are the ones at fault despite what women and manginas say.
