Every year, Forbes releases semi meaningless lists ranking the richest and most powerful people. Of course a certain amount of it is down to PR, the most classic case being the king of narcissistic beta males Donald Trump, desperately phoning Forbes to bump himself up the list, (on the basis of the value of a New York high rise building that had leased the use of the Trump name, but he didn’t actually own). I am sure people with real power and wealth couldn’t care less about Forbes or their silly lists.
None the less Forbes Most Powerful Women list, makes for some hysterical reading. Excuse me while I roll around on the floor laughing before I continue. According to Forbes, Beyonce is the 17th most powerful woman in the world. I wouldn’t put Jay-Z in the top 10,000 men myself, and I think Beyonce’s position is a pretty sad indication as to the hopes and dreams of feminism. She’s a great artist and all woman, but let’s face it – not particularly powerful, and not even rich by fortune 500 standards.
Rolling up to the no#1 spot we have Angela Merkel the Chancellor of Germany whose party only just scraped the last election. She’s presided over Germany’s decline as it entangled itself in EU debts. Poor old Angela is still paying guilt laden reparations from WW2 – that’s a woman’s power for you right there. A well-organized industrial nation like Germany has no need to foot the bill for Greeks and Spanish, who’d rather sip a cappuccino than do an honest day’s work. In effect, Germany is keeping their neighbors afloat lest they stop buying German products. I’ll lend you money so you can buy my shit – doesn’t make me powerful – it makes me stupid, you lazy and both of us broke.
No#2 The president of Brazil we can skip over, since Brazil is mired with so many social problems and poverty it’s hard to consider that being president represents much of any real power. What’s more, Dilma Rousseff has only been in power a couple of years, and has wormed her way in there as the previous president’s chief of staff (think hand puppet for the last guy). She’s also a socialist troll bound to cause more problems than she solves, so we can’t possibly consider her as powerful in any real sense of the word.
America will look like this in another 10 years or so, politically and geographically:
No#3,4 and 5 we can also skim over. Gates’ wife, Obama’s wife and Clinton’s wife. Sorry honey, fucking your way into power doesn’t count, you actually have to do something real to validate yourself. Rubbing your pussy on the glass ceiling doesn’t do it. The only thing we can say about these women is they have successfully pussy whipped and beta boy’d their husbands to no real advantage to themselves. When will women learn? If you drag your husband down, you just make yourself look bad. (Although Hilary did stand by her man and his BJs – good girl – she was sniffing for a Senate seat at the time. Anything for power isn’t it ladies.)
No#6 caught my attention for two seconds, Sheryl Sandberg, the COO of facebook, but then I remembered what Zuckerberg’s wife looks like. Facebook is consuming more blue pills than an EDM festival in Miami; Zuckerberg had to hire mommy kins to run his company for him. MILF Sheryl almost gets a 6….
… while Zuckyboy smooches with his 4. Now we know who wears the trousers in Facebook’s board room. I also read recently that the younger generation is moving out of Facebook wholesale – what teenager wants to share a social site with their parents? Short Facebook stock, its IPO was a joke anyway… like!.
No#7 Christine Lagarde is some old lawyer hag from France who is President of the IMF. They bail out broken African nations and such. She wormed her way in there after the previous president was royally stitched up in some false rape charges. Sorry Christine you are not that powerful either.
No#8 Janet Napolitano is the head of Homeland Security who just bought 1.6 billion rounds of ammo. To put that in perspective, the military in Iraq used 6 million rounds per month. Her purchases mainly include military hollow point rounds that are expensive and useless for training on a range. She’s also been stocking up on armored personnel carriers and other high end tactical kit. She’s obviously getting ready for a civil war and since she looks more like a man I’d say she’s pretty powerful. Only problem is that if all that kit goes into use, Janet won’t have much of a country left to laud over, so I’d say Janet is more bluster than clout. (At least until the fascist take over of the USA is complete – then she’ll be like a female version of Hermann Göring). Yikes. There is an alarming family? resemblance.
No#9 Sonia Gandhi. The president of India, a nation loaded with beta males if there ever was one, hardly counts as having achieved any real power, since she’s also in place due to the fact that her husband was a much loved president of India. No one really takes India that seriously anyway. Nope – no real power here.
No# 10 Indra Nooyi is the President of Pepsi, the world’s largest snack food maker. Since taking power in 2001, she’s increased the company’s profits by 72%, although that’s largely been done by poisoning young children with sugary, salty garbage. Rather interestingly Irene Rosenfeld the CEO of Kraft Foods comes in at no #20. Kraft (originally a subsidiary of Philip Morris – Malboro anyone? – was spun off to prevent associations with big tobacco) is yet another peddler of edible marketing whose side effects include cancer, diabetes and obesity – love your work ladies. Janet and her cache of ammo is looking better by the minute. It seems that some women will do anything for a sniff of power – and even more to hang onto it. So much for maternal instincts.
No#11 Geun-hye Park is the president of South Korea, but last time I looked most of the power in that neck of the woods lies north of the border in the CIA sponsored axis of evil – an absolutely essential accessory to the war on terror, that keeps the whole military-industrial complex in business, although Janet seems to be taking on that role single-handed. Not much power in SK, sorry honey.
No#12 Ginni Rometty is the CEO of IBM overseeing the dive of the world’s largest tech company into almost irrelevance.
No#13 Oprah – enough said.
No#14 Ursula Burns is the CEO of Xerox, the first women to take over a fortune 500 company from another woman. XRX’s previous CEO Anne Mulcahy was running the show since 2001. A quick glance at their stock price tells you all you need to know. Xerox could well have been Apple, these guys invented the photocopier and the mouse. Even more interesting is both these women – as is the case for many other female CEOs, have worked their entire lives inside the ONE company. A classic case of unimaginative middle management worming its way to the top and spoiling a once innovative and risk taking corporation. Xerox helped end the cold war by inventing the photocopier as a spying device. Embassies loved them and the CIA was only too happy to assist with the install.
No#15 Meg Whitman ex CEO of Ebay, I already covered in a previous piece on Apple. Like some low life third world politician, she spent $144 million of her own money, trying to buy the governorship of California, but lost the election. Anything for a sniff at power, huh?
Finally no#16 Georgina Rinehart, who inherited wealth from her father Lang Hancock an Australian Iron Ore magnet. A cross between Janet Napolitano and Crocodile Dundee, Georgina is a true blue Aussie (Red Neck Hick in American speak).
No one takes her that seriously, although to her credit she is anything but a socialist, making statements such as, “If people wanted to have more money they should stop whingeing and do something to make more money – spend less time drinking or smoking and socialising, and more time working.” Easy to say when daddy did all the hard yards – typical entitled woman coming out with such a crass statement.
That brings us around to the mighty Beyonce, a true example of female power. If more women would stick to singing and dancing (and breeding) we’d all be a lot better off. As Marlyn Monroe said: “A woman who wants to compete with a man has very little ambition.”
Anyone less powerful than Beyonce is barely worth considering. Although I couldn’t resist trolling down the list; more for the laughter and mirth it brought than any real educational purposes. The highlights include actresses Angelina Joile and Sofia Vergara at no# 37 and no#38, Steve Jobs wife at no#39, that true bastion of might and power Lady Gaga at no#45, Joyce Banda the president of the powerfully impoverished nation of Malawi at no#47, Ellen DeGeneres (is she a woman?) at no#51 and the awe inspiring Shakira at no#52.
It seems that women have come a long way in the last few decades and they certainly wield some real power on the planet. Watch out for the hand bags, stilettos and cleavage my boys. We’re in real trouble.
As a final note, Obama has been booted out from top male spot by Putin. Perhaps it is time for a move to Russia. I hear the women hunting is great.
Read Next: Is This The Most Deluded Woman In The World?
