Indiscriminate responsibility sounds good, feels masculine, but only solves half your problem. What problem? You aren’t happy with your sex life, and your wife has valid (your words) reasons to do so. Don’t blame yourself for not trying hard enough, look for the environmental factors that set you both up for failure.

Because there are some things that are in your control, but you’re not looking in the right place. Rejecting the environment if it’s not useful. That simple act of agency is more important than being more responsible. Here is a case study to explain.

Intro

You’d be surprised how much of your life isn’t in your control. You’d also be surprised how little control your wife has over how much attraction she has for you. That’s why so much of my work is based around learning to adapt instead of what most people in this space write or talk about: manipulating things to get what you want. This is a case study in identifying indiscriminate ownership so you can calibrate your work for better outcomes. The serenity prayer, but for fucking.

Adapt, overcome, fix or let go. This is my litmus test: can I learn something from this person? If they are making promises and talking about overt manipulation about things you cannot manipulate, they aren’t trying to teach or learn, they are attempting to market and sell. I’ve been here too long and I’m too long in the tooth to want someone’s course that’s price ends in a .77 — a number psychologically shown to make people more likely to buy.

People aren’t to enrich some asshole on the internet in a rented lambo, they are here to solve problems. In this case study, I want to show how environment can affect your marriage and your MAP (male action plan) and that no amount of effort or Frame can out effort your environment. There are still solutions and navigations that can be done, but since a lot of guys have this attitude of extreme ownership and putting fault on themselves, it makes it harder than it has to be.

It’s not an impossible task, and guys will eventually figure it out on their own. The issue isn’t that it prevents guys from achieving anything, it’s that it delays that achievement for much longer than it has to. For example, in the Praxeology series I wrote on the Singing and Dancing Monkey Improvement Programme. This is where guys spend up to 2 years believing that if they do all the things they are told to do, it will manipulate their wives into fucking them more and acting less shitty. They believe this while simultaneously believing that they are shedding covert contracts in their life. After the 24 months, something happens which makes the guy realize he’s living a lie and then his real work can begin.

There is no way guys don’t prefer to spend those two years with real accomplishment, but our ego is a bitch. The reason we do this to ourselves is because we fear change. You don’t fear change, I don’t fear change, our ego fears change. Because if our situation gets better or gets worse that means we have to change. Our inner neuroticism starts to chime in. How will we change? What if we can’t do it? What happens if [insert excuses here] or if I do all this work to be an attractive man with options and she decides to leave anyways? No, it’s just easier to treat this change as a hobby, a way to cope about not changing things.

Our ego’s have one goal: to protect our ego. If nothing changes than you will not die. That may have been true when we were gathering berries and hunting buffalo, it may also have been true when we were tilling crops and stabbing Prussians with spears. It is definitely not true in the age where we are more likely to die from eating than from not eating, and the most likely person to murder us is us.

With all that, here is the field report. Read it and notice the theme of full ownership of things the man has little control over and things he has 100% control over. Indiscriminate responsibility sounds good, feels masculine, but only solves half the equation. 2+x=2 is not calibrated math, but thousands of guys waste years trying to make it work. If only that 2 would just 2 hard enough they can solve for x.

Get all 3

Fuccfiles

Frame

Dread

Billy Birth Control

Over the past week I've made additional strides in captaining my ship. Not a day/night goes by that I don't have some idea about what I am going to do. This leaves no wiggle room for me to defer to my first officer by saying:

“I don't know, what do you want to do?”

“What do you feel like having to eat?”

If she wants to join me, great. If she had another suggestion, I'm all ears. I put a lot more time into the gym last week. I lifting more than I ever have. I'm feeling better than I ever have. I'm looking the best I have since college.

I've been working on being positive nowadays - particularly when I arrive home. I remain fun, energetic (a side effect of lifting), and upbeat. If something goes wrong, I try to fix it (if I can) without getting upset at the problem. I'm spending increased time doing shit with the kids instead of just watching TV with them.

I've been getting out of the house with some of my old buddies lately. I've also been pursuing some hobbies that I've neglected over the past year. It's made me feel happier and more productive. once a week I still drink. I noticed that after my night out with the guys, I suffered from a hangover the next day. This cut into my productivity. I'll still go out, but cut back on the alcohol.

The problem is sex. I'm still initiating, but she's sick again. This week it was a cold followed by headaches. The cold seemed legit as both the kids just got over one. The headache is probably PMS. I don’t think she’s using buffers.

My wife will be getting off birth control pills; side effects. This is not out of some secret urge of hers to have more kids. We are very happy with the two we have and often talk about how we do not want any more. She’s been getting nauseous and throwing up when she takes pills with increased progesterone. She's also developed reactions to certain types of food. These reactions started the week after she began taking BC. I suggested she discuss it with her OBGYN, who recommended she get off the pill for a month or so to see if the reactions persist.

Now, I've read that another side effect of ortho tri cyclen is a lack of libido. Have any of you gentlemen experienced an up-tick in sex after your spouse had gotten off of BC? Also, did you experience an increase in emotional volatility? I'm not trying to use BC as an excuse for her lack of desire for me: my wife doesn't desire me because I became a shit of a man. I own that. It's because of me. It's on me to fix it. I'm working on my MAP. It's working and I'm becoming happier.

What do you notice? He’s not making excuses. He amends his field report to specifically say he’s not so that there is no ambiguity. That means he’s always taking action with the awareness that people think that way. He thinks that way, but it’s easier to project that onto everyone else than admit that to himself. When she gets too sick to sleep with him he has a mental check list: is this a valid or an invalid reason to reject me?

I chose this field report because he acknowledges the effect environment has as well as the effect being a woman has on incentives. The ortho tri cyclen is a perfect example of how the gynocentric social order is an environmental effect that hammers all of us, making relationships unnecessarily more difficult than they have to be.

Any reasonable person would draw the connection. Taking a medication has side effects. If I don’t like the side effects than I should stop taking the medication. Women are not reasonable persons. Billy can notice things and comment on things. This is the important part: he doesn’t tell the wife to get off the medication that’s making her sick. He did some research on the topic, he’s knowledgeable enough and he observes it’s effects as well as anyone. But, he didn’t tell her to get off the meds because they are hurting her and the relationship. He asks her to ask an expert.

And the expert gives the most flippant response,

“Sure, try it out and see if it works!” 8 years of medical school for that? I’ve been to the doctor, you’ve been to the doctor, we’ve all been to the doctor and that’s been largely the experience I’ve had. They ask you what is wrong, they ask what you think you want to do about it, and they hand you a referral to an expert who largely tells you to try it out and see how it works. If you think that is a stretch, it’s not. It’s every expert that men and women deal with in 2024:

• Marriage counselors

• Doctors

• Priests

• Shrinks

• Even friends and family.

All experts of health, communication, spirituality. All claim that they have the answers to happiness, health, and marriage. Well, the evil part is they never claimed any of that, they just don’t correct people when they assume so. This is worse. Plausible deniability.

So what’s the point of all this? Frame. Everyone knows that hormones play a large role in behavior. Men on TRT will have an increased sex drive. Women on birth control act like they are pregnant all the time. They are attracted to different traits than they otherwise would. It doesn’t take 8 years of school to know this. It doesn’t take 8 years of school to notice someone is having bad effects from a new medication and to stop taking it. What is the point then? Responsibility.

Doctors don’t want it. They make decisions based on whatever avoids a malpractice suit. If it helps you so much the better, but it’s not the key concern. If you doubt it, think about how many doctors recommended Mrna’s in the last few years, right up until the pharma class action lawsuits started. Legally being the most risk adverse advice isn’t how you thrive in a relationship.

Instead, frame. Tell your wife that you don’t like her on those meds. They make her sick and she needs to get off them. Weened or cold turkey? Doesn’t matter. You take responsibility for your advice, she takes responsibility for listening to it or ignoring it. That feeling you get afterwards? That’s frame, living life and not letting life happen to you. Does it mean you’ll make 100% good decisions? No, but they are your decisions and you’ll deal with that. It’s far superior to someone else making the wrong decision for you but it’s still not their fault.

And that’s what I mean when I talk about indiscriminate responsibility. Her being sick is not his fault, nor should it be. While it’s easy to take ownership of that, workout more, diet harder, initiating sex more often, that doesn’t solve the underlying issue. And that is a husband who offloads his agency, which leads his wife to offload her agency, which leads to a doctor giving her a pill that makes sex less frequent, sickness more common, and wastes good effort on being attractive and not being unattractive.

Identity

This is aside from the main point, but it’s ridiculous how often men start playing identity games with their work.