After 27 years of life, I have stopped drinking another mammal’s excretion. I have come to the conclusion that cow’s milk is better suited for baby calves and not adult humans. The only reason we drink milk from a cow is because it’s cheap to produce; if the dairy industry could find a more economical way to produce milk from a camel, we’d all be drinking camel milk within a generation, after “new research” shows that camel milk offers more “health benefits.”

I was talking to a friend about my recent decision to wean myself off the cow teat and he told me I was crazy, that milk is good for me and I’m sure to die a horrible bone-shattering death down a flight of stairs at the age of 50.

“How do you know milk is good for you?” I asked.

“What do you mean, it’s common sense. Studies show it’s good for you.”

Another victory for public relations! Now I’m not writing this to convince you that milk is bad for you, but the last person I’m going to trust when it comes to what I put in my body is an industry motivated by profit. Whenever you are wondering if you should believe someone or not, ask yourself how much that person would lose if the opposite were to be true. If it’s measurable in large dollar sums, as in billions of dollars, it may be prudent of you to be a little bit more skeptical. Money is all too powerful and corrupting of an incentive.

I bought a soy latte recently and was pleased with the taste. I’m becoming such a lame hippie cliche, with my long, non-showered greasy hair and beard, carrying books around and consuming soy products. I won’t be surprised if I go vegetarian. On an unrelated note, I’m currently in the market for an acoustic guitar.