The going-to-Ethiopia thing was only supposed to be an April Fools joke, but idiots kept commenting about it days after so I decided to let it ride. The prank has brought me great amusement, thank you, and the only downside was I have betrayed your trust forever. According to my survey, half of you believed I was actually going to Ethiopia. 
I’m in Bogotá, Colombia right now. My first night out I went to a bar in the “bohemian” (think dreadlocks) La Candelaria part of town with a fun Croatian guy. My Spanish sucks huge donkey balls apparently so I can’t rely only on day game yet. I still need that loud club music to make take the awkwardness off the many silences where the hamster in my brain is trying to construct coherent sentences that are more interesting than “Creo que esa es el baño para hombres” (I think that is the men’s room) and “Tu y tu amiga tienen pelo rojo” (You and your friend have red hair).
While the Croat was talking to a girl I decided to go for the hottest girl in the place. She was standing nearby with her two friends. I point to my friend and said, “That’s my friend” in English. She looked at me for two seconds as I stood there patiently. Then she spun around so hard and fast that the end of her hair hit my shoulder. What the fuck. The last time I got rejected like that was in December 2007 in Buenos Aires.
Later I got up on my stool for five seconds to place my empty Corona on a table. When I returned there was a girl sitting on my chair. She was a friend of the girl who rejected me. The chair theft had to be planned. The girls were bullying me and I had to stand up for myself.
“Perdon, esta es mi asiento,” I said. Excuse me, this is my seat.
“Si, pero estoy cansado,” she replied. Yes, but I am tired.
“Si pero yo tambien. Quiero mi asiento.” Yes but me too. I want my seat.
“No no por favor estoy muy cansado…” No no please I am very tired. She gave me a puppy dog look.
“Hablas ingles?” Do you speak English?
“Yes I speak English.”
“Okay look girl you gotta get up. Come on let’s go.”
I put my hand on her back and gently pushed her off. I got evil looks for the rest of the night from her crew but it’s okay—I got my revenge.
I shouldn’t have told you this episode since it’s the exception. Colombian girls are very nice and eerily similar with Brazilian girls in terms of personality. I think these girls were from Argentina because that’s the shit I would expect there. In fact if everything goes well here I see no reason to ever return to Argentina unless I have to do a visa run.
Give me three more weeks to gather data and I will present to you my findings on Colombian women.
