I always loved that line from Magnum Force. It always seemed like an appropriate neg for a guy who let’s his fear control his actions. I’ve even used it on occasion. Sadly, the reference seems to be lost on many of those guys that are younger than me. Some guys just can’t seem to relate to a movie made before they were born that is now some 36 years old.
The company I was working for a few years ago would sponsor a summer outing or a picnic every year as a thank you/pat of the back exercise. Several times the outing would be a white water rafting trip for the employees and their spouses/girlfriends. I always enjoyed these outings more than the picnics. A hint of danger, signing the release waiver, the chance to rubberneck as your co-workers fucked up a set of rapids and were tossed into the cold raging waters. The look of panic on some of their faces. Good fun.
There was this one particular trip that stands out. It started out with two groups being dumped in the river at the very first set of rapids. Several of the ladies and mangina’s that had been dumped were ready to quit right there. The complained vociferously to any and all about how they felt it was the river guide’s fault that they were dumped. I was watching. In reality it was more simple than that. These ding dongs didn’t listen to the guide steering the boat. They were all chit chatting instead of paddling to increase their velocity in relation to the flow of water. Without that there was no way for the guide to steer the boat. Idiots.
After a quick stop for lunch we continued down the river to the highlight for the day. A particular nasty set of rapids that typically claim a couple of lives every year. Our boat had the guide, one girl, and two other guys besides myself. One of the guys in our boat was the son of the business owner. Sixteen years old, muscular but with a nice layer of blubber. He played offensive line on his high school football team. I’ve known the kid all of his life as his parents and my parents are good friends.
As we’re getting close to the ‘deadly’ rapids, our guide, who was a nice looking HB7 gal offered to put anyone who wanted off on the bank of the river before the rapids. She would then pick the passenger up on the other side of the rapids. Blubber boy tells her that he wants off. I remember being disgusted. I asked him if he was willing to let his fear control him, or if he wanted to challenge his fear. I p0inted out to him that when he was older he could end up regretting his decision. The two women on our boat felt sorry for the kid. They told me to stop pushing him into doing something he said he didn’t want to do. I looked at the kid and said, ‘well, a man’s gotta know his limitations.’
Blubber boy got out, but that wasn’t the end of the story. By the time the discussion ended we were very close to the set of rapids. We let him off and then tried to get back into the river far enough to hit the chute. We couldn’t get there. So not only did he miss this set, but we had a decidedly dangerous traverse which wasn’t nearly as fun as it could have been.
Now, I told you that story to tell you this one.
A couple of years ago blubber boy got married. He and his bride belonged to the same evangelical fundamentalist church. Their non-denominational church and faith were very important to them and their families. The vows were interesting. The bride was to ‘make a gift’ of herself to her husband, and the husband ‘accepted this gift.’ The bride was admonished that she was the follower and that the groom was the leader of the family. The groom was informed of his responsibilities as head of the family. All very traditional Christian points of view that sadly most modern denominations have forgotten.
There were five feminist women from the office that attended the wedding. Three are divorced and are bitter singles, one is remarried to a lesser beta, and one just got married this past summer. They were all apoplectic over the vows. Those of us at the wedding and reception who weren’t members of the bride and groom’s church were subjected to an earful about how out of touch, sexist/misogynistic the vows were. I looked at one of them and said, ‘why the fuck do you care? They aren’t your vows. Just because you wouldn’t want those vows doesn’t mean they shouldn’t have them. It’s their wedding.’ The gal went off in a huff saying something about how I was a man and wouldn’t understand. Yeah, right.
