Counseling and psychotherapy seem to be on the collective brain today. Dr. Paul over at the spearhead had this post, and Virgin at 50 had this post. I tend to jot down and save post titles and a couple of sentences when inspiration (or constipation) hits me, and last week I wrote, ‘all women need counseling’ and ended it there. No further thoughts written down under that title.
The LTR is a firm believer in counseling. She believes quite strongly that everyone could benefit. Me, I’m not so sure. Reading the experience of Dr. Paul and other men in the field leaves me skeptical. Many of the LTR’s friends have gone and they believe that they have been helped by spilling their emotional guts to an uninvested third party. I think Luv(sic) even commented on this blog that he’d been helped too.
But then there are the guys I know who’s wives have been convinced by their counselor that their husbands are abusive (not true), and/or emotionally closed off (just because they don’t react like a woman would). These counselors end up convincing these women they would be better off without their husbands. That their kids should be taken away from their fathers for their own good. One of these counselors (a woman) just happened to desire a sexual relationship with the wife of one of my friends and had no qualms piling on more baggage in the hopes of destroying an already unstable marriage.
It was an on-going conversation with the LTR that inspired this post. She likes to expound upon the benefits of counseling from her perspective. I don’t know what it’s like to be a woman so(in honor of unfrozen caveman) I’m going to indulge in a little psychological projection.
Imagine if you will a world filled with emotional color. You wake up in the morning. How do you feel? You perform your morning ablutions, get dressed and check yourself out in the mirror. How do you feel about your appearance? Not good? Change clothes hoping that that the next outfit better hides the flaws you see. How do you feel? Skip breakfast, or better yet, drink a diet coke for breakfast to get moving. Drive to work putting on your makeup. Once last check in the mirror before heading into the office. How do you feel? Into the office you go, exchanging pleasantries with the other ladies, complimenting each other on this or that part of your outfit or your hair, when the cute guy makes an offhand remark about your appearance. Maybe it was innocuous, but it hit you like a ton of bricks. How do you feel? Start to dwell on said comment. Check with your girlfriends, what does it mean? Convince yourself it was nothing. Go to lunch with the ladies. Eat too much, but tell yourself it is all ok, you’ll have a salad for dinner. Go back to the office feeling bloaty. Sit on the couch in the ladies room for a time. How do you feel? Decide it’s time to catch up on gossip, check out the paparazzi websites. Think to yourself that the rich and famous stars are just like you. How do you feel? Head out for drinks after work with the girls. Choose a booth and then have no one approach you or your friends, or maybe it’s a sausage fest and loser after loser comes up to get shot down by you and your friends. How do you feel? And then he appears. He says all the right things, he makes you cross and uncross your legs, play with your hair, laugh. How do you feel? You make a snap decision. You’re going home with this man, tonight. You tell yourself you’re not that kind of girl (typically), and you believe it. How do you feel? You put up some last minute resistance because you’re afraid he’ll think you’re a slut. Again, he says the right thing, and your resistance crumbles. In the post-coital glow, you curl up on his chest. How do you feel? The next morning he gets up, showers, kisses you goodbye, and leaves. How do you feel? A couple of days go by and he doesn’t call. How do you feel?
In my imagination, I can see how letting emotions rule my decision making would lead to a life that makes no sense. A life that would seem out of control. In my imagination, I can see how counseling would provide perspective. In my imagination, I can see how counseling might help an emotional person set boundaries and limits to cope with the long term consequences of their actions. In my imagination, I can see how women would find counseling helpful.
Maybe I’ve led a charmed life. There is no emotional baggage in my past that I’ve been unable to deal with. There has been no trauma in my life that I haven’t been able to move past. I had a stable loving home with two parents and a large extended family who loved and supported me growing up. I was pushed to attempt things I didn’t think I could. Celebrated when I succeeded, and picked up, dusted off, and given an attaboy when I failed. At this time I don’t see the need for counseling. Maybe that will change in the future.
