You know the drill. Go here for parts one and two.
Soundtrack for this post: Helplessly Hoping by CSN.
I must admit that I’m approaching this post with some trepidation. There is a desire to shade the truth a bit in order to not make myself look quite so bad. I’m stating this up front so you know it’s there. As some of you have figured out, Michelle’s background made it nearly impossible for her to commit to a LTR, and seeking more than a hook up was probably unwise at best. But I was very much the beta white knight out to save the damsel in distress. I’m wiser now and more jaded. I don’t try to save anyone anymore.
After our first solo date, things start to blend in my mind. There’s a reason for this as it really was the start of my beta, unimaginative behavior. Michelle and I would talk on the phone a couple of times a week, and set up a date on either Friday night or an all day outing on a Saturday. She and I both liked to play golf, so there were a couple of afternoons before the weather got too cold spent at a local golf course. If I recall correctly we went to the beach a couple of times too. Wandered around the local shops, ate, hung out, walked the beach, etc. Interspersed with these type of dates were many Fridays/Saturdays spent going out to eat dinner, off to a movie, and back to my place. Solid SWPL boring. Most dates ended back at my place for long make out sessions and heavy petting. But white knight that I was, I didn’t push for sex or even to get her naked and explore her gorgeous body.
We’d been dating a couple of month when Michelle’s parents (the ones that adopted her) asked if I could come to dinner so that they could meet me. This wasn’t going to be a small dinner. There were Michelle’s parents, grandparents, sister, aunt, uncle, and one male cousin. When I showed Michelle and her cousin were hanging out. When I walked into the room I could tell the cousin saw me as an interloper. He had a thing for Michelle. It was also obvious Michelle knew this and used it to get her cousin to do things for her. To this day he still has her up on a pedestal, wants to get in her pants, and has absolutely no chance of succeeding. Dinner was a bit intense as I was getting the 3rd degree. My answers to all their inquiries put me in the solid, dependable, beta provider role. I think the older generations approved but I doubt it did anything by lower my value in Michelle’s eyes.
It was probably only a short time later that Michelle started to tell me about problems one of her brothers was getting into back east and how she felt it was her responsibility to go back there and straighten him out. This was probably only partly true as I think she also was looking for an escape route away from her adopted family and in hindsight to get away from me. Her time line for leaving was still about 3 months away, sometime after the new year.
We’d been dating about 2 months when Michelle finally turned 21. We went out with the family to celebrate her birthday and afterward she and I headed out to a couple of bars. I remember one place I took her was this bar with a great selection of scotch and cigars. Everything else just blends. I really don’t recall much of the evening, but I suspect I hovered a little too much(a lot?). It was something I was wont to do back then.
I think we’d been dating maybe 10 to 12 weeks when Michelle told me she was going to plan our next outing. All she would tell me was to bring a bathing suit. It’s late fall by this time and quite cold outside so I was intrigued to say the least. Friday night rolled around and I picked her up. She directed me out to a place on the other side of town that rented hot tubs by the hour. The rooms consist of a hot tub, a shower in one corner, a toilet with a curtain in the opposite corner, and dim lighting. We changed into our suits in front of each other. Both of us talking in our first sight of each other naked. I managed to keep myself from springing to full attention, but I can’t say it was easy. Before we knew it our time was up and it was time to change back into our street clothes. We showered together and headed back to my place.
I wasn’t a complete moron, I knew that some sort of sexual activity was going to be happening that night. I built up a nice fire in my fireplace, laid down a blanket and some pillows and we proceeded to slowly undress, caress, and explore each other’s bodies. Since this isn’t a sex blog, I’m not going to describe everything in minute detail. Let’s just say that there’s something about a beautiful woman with good hygiene and grooming habits that made giving her oral sex a pleasure. As far as receiving from her. Best ever. Since I haven’t mentioned full intercourse, you can probably guess I stopped us from going any further. Alphas don’t stop, betas (as I was) do.
Michelle was a girl who was submissive in almost every way. She wanted to be dominated by a strong man. I was not that man. The everything but sex thing went on for a couple more months. I made the mistake of telling Michelle that I loved her knowing that she did not feel the same depth of feeling for me. I knew she was leaving. She thought she might be gone only 2 months, but she also told me it could be longer. The night before she left we reprised our visit to the hot tub place. This time sans suits. She wanted me to have sex with her that night. She told me that. She begged me to, but I wouldn’t. I wanted her to love me first. Dumb. I never made that mistake with any women ever again after this relationship. I learned.
Michelle left the next day. I took her to the airport. I was saddened and hoped she’d be coming back to me in a short two months. I talked with her on the phone a couple of times. Finally just after the two month mark I got an email from her. She wasn’t coming back and she was telling me she had moved on. She was dating an old flame back east. I was lame enough to call her to try to get an explanation. It was quite obvious from stuff that was going on in the background that she was living with this guy. I was crushed.
And that’s how the story ends. I’m a little older and a lot wiser now.
