An overview of how the SMP has changed within the last 30 years.
Readership: All
Theme: Dating and the SMP
Author’s Note: This post is based on several of my previous comments. Links to the original comments are contained in the first words of the relevant headers or paragraphs below.
Reader’s Note: This excellent summary of Dating and the SMP rounds out this month’s theme.
Length: 1,500 words
Reading Time: 5 minutes
Introduction
I have been around a while. I remember The Time Before The Internet, when men had to approach in person and women had to reject, clearly and forcefully. I remember when ghosting was less abrupt. We called it the Slow Fade back then. Men and women were still having premarital sex, from one night stands to long term relationship sex, but it moved a wee bit more slowly. I was in college at the very beginnings of hookup culture. It’s changed, but only in that it moves faster now and finds its expression in the OASIS.
Changes to Intersexual Dynamics
These changes are as follows.
- What used to be
Meet ––> Date ––> Exclusive ––> Engaged ––> Sex
is now almost totally reversed.
Sex ––> Friends ––> FWB/F-Buddy ––> Date ––> Maybe Exclusive ––> Break Up ––> Move on to the next person… ––> sex ––> Friends ––> FWB/F-Buddy…
and Lather Rinse Repeat. - Ghosting has become more commonplace. Ghosting is now an “accepted” way to end a relationship. I’m wondering when it will become acceptable to end marriages by ghosting.
- Men waiting for sex? No way. Men with options aren’t playing that game.
- Women committing without some funsex with Chad? No way. Women with options (which is almost all women) are going to have their funsex experience with Chad, and nothing will stop them. First, it’s fun, feels good, and is validating. Second, it’s a long shot at commitment from Chad – probably won’t work… but hey, you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take, right? AF fun first for as long as she can; then marriage at 38 – hopefully to Chad the Senior Partner, if not, then to a beta bux who will pay the bills.
- It is commonplace now for women to be the dominant partner in a male-female relationship.
- “Alternative” relationship styles: Polysexuality, Polyamory, Polyandry… The common gist is multiple men (a beta or two, an alpha or two) sharing one woman, usually in succession, but sometimes in tandem. This is a woman’s wet dream – having commitment from multiple men serving different functions and varying levels of commitment and exclusivity as needs and desires dictate.
As time passes, what was once considered perversion on the margin of society has slowly become more and more socially acceptable.
The Overton Window has moved quite a bit.
Changes to Social Dynamics
For the top 20% of men and top 50% of women, it’s business as usual, as it has been for decades and has come into public knowledge only about 30 years ago when hookup culture went totally mainstream. The top 20% of men are still having lots of casual sex, and the top 60% of women are still riding the carousel with varying durations and frequency. Top 20% men are still in the catbird power position. Top 50% women are still getting pumped and dumped, and seethingly resentful when Chad, Brad, and Thad won’t commit, and then after several years she ends up having to settle for Tom Teacher, or Will WorshipLeader, or Paul Plumber, or Ernie Engineer, or Stan STEMlord, or Johnny Latebloomer.
What doesn’t get talked about much are the total breakdowns of social mores and social etiquette; and poor socialization among men and women both.
Whiteguy1 wrote,
“I can get away with being a man (up to a point of course) at my publicly traded firm all day, even with all the PC/feminist bullshit that we should be following. For exactly the reason you state. All the women love having a MAN around, even the old lesbian because I’m attractive to the girls there. 90% of the men there are all ‘deltas’ (with a couple of gammas/omegas tossed in) so not allowed to be men, just ‘males’. Sad really.
Now it’s not all roses and unicorn farts for me, when we were in the office I got shit tested, multiple times a day, which honestly is a pain in the ass and makes it hard to get real work done when there. Oh well.”
This is becoming more common.
She can be as sexy as she pleases, but men are not permitted to acknowledge it in any way, shape, or form!Whether a particular man is permitted to act in a sexual manner is wholly dependent on how sexually attractive he is. Sexually attractive men are allowed to act in a sexual manner and ask women out. Sexually unattractive men are not allowed to behave in any sexual manner at all. They are not to comport themselves as “sexual” beings. Sexually unattractive men are not permitted to act as men – they may act only as “males”.
Consequently, young men are suffering immensely, as Jack wrote about The Young Man’s Problem (2022-2-4).
Because of the risks involved in being male, the lower 80% men, and especially the bottom half, are now willingly paying to give away their unwanted attention, which women now want. Women want it because the exchange has been taken from public to private, as NovaSeeker pointed out in his post, Exploiting Online Attention (2020-12-9). They also want this kind of attention because it is convenient, discreet, easily controllable, and of course, it brings them easy $$$.
The bottom 40% of women struggle now too. Men used to “pay” to give away their attention with in-person dates: drinks, meals, entertainment, and commitment. Now, the bottom 80% men increasingly spend much of their female attention dollar online – online dating apps, sugar dating apps, OnlyFans, camgirls, and the like. Bottom 40% women are working to crack into those markets. The pickings have always been slim for these girls, and it’s only gotten worse because their male counterparts were shut out of the game long before they were.
And it has all been taken private. What used to take place in public now takes place totally and completely out of the public eye. Men can gawk at photos and video of amateur pornstars, camgirls and OF girls in the privacy of their rooms. Women can prostitute themselves more openly and more privately at the same time. What used to be legitimate “charging” for dates (“Take me out for dinner and you pay”, “Take me for a night out on your dime”, “Take me out to the museum and you pay”, “Let’s do a weekend away and you pay”), is now shady “charging” for dates and sex (subscriptions to premium porn sites, camgirl sites and OF; sugar dating/prostitution lite).
Moreover, prostitution has changed from “my sex for your commitment” to “depictions/facsimiles of my sex for your cash”. Digitalized, monetized, “sanitized”, pornstitution, which is another manifestation of postporniscuity — the substitution of sexual fantasy for reality, resulting in the postponement of marriage.
The Modern Sexual Implosion
All of these changes have had a catastrophic effect on the overall quality of men and women in western societies.
Men aren’t improving their looks or their bodies. Neckbeards and lumpenproles and skinnyfat dudes abound. More and more men have no Game. More and more men don’t know how to carry on a real live conversation using their voices, faces, hands, and bodies. More and more men can’t go up to a girl and talk to her.
It’s been criticized that men won’t even try. Well, what should they try for? They have tried, and they get shot down, blown out of the water, and nuclear rejected everywhere they go. In the worst case, they are charged with harassment and/or fired. What incentives are there for them to try?
And women! These women… today’s modern women – these are the women they should be trying to date? Arrogant, b!tchy, bossy, contemptuous, entitled, fat, foul mouthed, hair chopped off, mouthy, rude, s!utty, promiscuous, ill mannered, incompetent at the domestic arts, unable or unwilling to do even rudimentary self-care and housekeeping, economically and historically illiterate, unable to cook or clean – this is what men are supposed to be putting forth all this effort for? Really? Are you serious?
These women honestly and truly believe that because Chad had sex with them once, they’re entitled to commitment from Brad or Thad, and absolutely nothing less will do.
Women are like this because everyone in society has let them get away with it. Everyone just smirks or laughs or shakes their heads and then looks away. And they are still getting what they want, mostly – oodles of male attention that men pay for, free money everywhere, “jobs” they don’t really have to “work” at, free passes because pu$$y, and pretty much skating through life on goddess mode.
Conclusions
Things have changed only in the rapidity of the rate of change and how intersexual dynamics finds its expression. The restrictions on male sexual expression have tightened considerably. There’s not much that can be done about this, as things march inexorably toward a sexual marketplace singularity of unknown dimension and character.
Online attention is just the next step in societal devolution.
Related
- Σ Frame: Things men found attractive 50 years ago are still attractive today. (2020-3-25)
- Σ Frame: The Centrality of Sex in Western Culture (2021 February 8)
- Σ Frame: The Lopsided Liberalized Mating Market (2021 February 17)
- Σ Frame: The Sexual Market IS the Marriage Market (2021 February 22)
