The choice faced by women.

Readership: All;
Theme: The W!tchy War on Masculinity
Author’s Note: Based on a private email exchange with Thedeti on 2023/11/29.  Compiled by Jack.
Length: 1,500 words
Reading Time: 8 minutes

Introduction

As of late, I have been doing some thinking about the nature of W!tchcr@ft as a form of feminine power (influence) over husbands.

In many long email strings, at various points, Thedeti and I have discussed the general notion of wives’ argumentativeness and contentiousness and how it causes real harm to marriages.  I won’t rehash the details of why this is, because the horse is unquestionably dead, yet the long term aftermath of having a difficult wife has produced an ascerbic denouement that I have felt, but had not been able to succinctly describe — until lately.

In this post, I’ll describe how I found the words to describe this lingering fallout.

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The Three Forms of Feminine Power

Dalrock’s post, The curse of female power (2010/9/12) was listed at the bottom of Jack’s post, Where Shame Tactics become Witchcraft (2023/11/28).  This was an interesting read.

One commenter under Dalrock’s post, Hope, wrote [emphasis mine],

“Ricki of The Rawness* website wrote of female power in stages: sexual power (girlfriend), marriage power (wife), and familial power (mother).

So while the most obvious power that we see, the one being advertised and bombarded all over the place, is indeed most abundant for a woman when young, the power of a matriarch over her children and her family should not be underestimated.

As Clarence points out above, women also have tremendous power in marriages.  They can exercise this power even when their looks have faded.  They also can be unscrupulous in misusing and abusing their powers.

Solid wife and mother power actually come from years of foundation and work, during which she accumulates her powers via being a constant and nurturing presence in her husband and children’s lives.  It does not manifest immediately but after a long time.  Truly powerful women understand that their feminine powers last via love and compassion, not their sexual appeal which is fleeting.“

I find the last paragraph very accurate.  A wife’s most potent influence is actually political power she expresses within the tight knit tribe of family and that influence is earned with sustained feminine behavior and goodness over long periods of time.  This is what a real Proverbs 31 wife builds for herself and why women need to heed the warning of Proverbs 14:1.

The concept of “wife goggles” was as close as I could come to describing what my wife lost with me. These are like beer goggles, but the intoxication comes from the love and goodness of a wife to her husband and they have a magical filter that makes her the most beautiful person in the world to him. The goggles are an expression of a husband seeing his wife for inner beauty as age lessens her physical beauty. (See video short below as an example of what this looks like in a man.)

While I recognized that contention certainly removed my wife goggles, there was another aspect to the loss that was not adequately described by the googles metaphor. When I read Hope’s description of wife power I knew that I had a more complete picture of what has been lost.

Why Do Women have Great Power at Certain Moments in Life, and None at Others?

Dalrock’s post cited a section of an article from No Nonsense Self-Defense, Having Power and Losing Control (2008/5/10).

“…many young women don’t realize that the power and influence they have over young men is given to them by the men.  It exists only AS LONG as the man is willing to listen to her.  And … the reverse also is true.  Men only have power over women as long as they grant it to them.

But, many young and inexperienced women assume that the power and control they have over other people comes from within themselves.  This gives them a false sense of confidence and often a dangerous overestimation of their own abilities.  They assume that the power is always going to be there and that with words alone they can control others.

While this can be true as far as it goes, there are many situations where words no longer have power.”

I immediately recognized my own marriage as one of those situations in which the wife has lost her power, specifically sexual power and marriage power.  I was well acquainted with how my wife’s lack of sexual power was due to her withholding sex for years.

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While I understood my wife’s sway over my decision making had become anemic, I did not have the words for it until now.

Suffering from an Imbalance of Feminine Power

Dalrock responded to Hope.

“Great analysis Hope.  All of those categories of female power you describe fit with what I had in mind, but as you say the sex appeal one has the most visibility.  All of those powers though are about influence over others.  When used properly this is a huge positive for all involved.  When used improperly it becomes resented manipulation and eventually blows up in the woman’s face, just when she is least able to learn a new way of managing.”

And to Clarence.

“The biggest challenge I see is women becoming seduced by their own sexual power at an impressionable age, and not cultivating either the more mature forms of feminine power Hope references in her comment, or more traditional male forms of power (money, skills, etc.).”

From reading this, I realized that there was some blessing in marriage that has gone unknown by me — something I had missed, or had been deprived of — something that would have added significantly to my marital sanctification.  Instead, I have experienced the mordant consequences of marrying a woman who fell to the temptation of control idolatry.  And since I’ve only been married once, this is the only experience I’ve had with marriage.

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Forsaking Her Wife Power for Woe

Thinking of Feminine power in terms of Ricki’s troika of feminine power — sexual power (girlfriend), marriage power (wife), and familial power (mother) — puts things into the right perspective for recognizing the respective damages that occur when these powers are absent, abused, and/or misused.

In the past, I have told my wife that she has no idea what she lost with her behavior over the years without really being able to define what I meant.  But now I recognize this is because my wife lacks ‘Wife Power’.

As the author of No Nonsense Self-Defense said, the wife foolishly thought that she had real power over him from within herself, not recognizing that her power is only that which he gives her.

In my case, it is not a given that my wife’s opinion is good for me or my family, or even that it is biblically based.  Too much pushing for her own way, arguing, fighting, and withholding sex resulted in the realization that, to quote an old country song, “my give a damn’s busted”.  Since using sex as a tool and contentious arguing are inherently selfish endeavors, this means that her opinions are entertained but with much more discernment and without her having the benefit of the doubt due to a thin track record of bringing good instead of harm (Proverbs 31:12).  That means her sway over my decisions is greatly reduced.

Eventually, men married to consistently difficult wives get to the place of putting conditions on remaining married to her. That can be in the form of reducing his involvement in the marriage until his effort level matches his perceived benefit (often this leads to divorce) or him openly putting conditions on remaining married (fewer men do this). Either way, her ‘Wife Power’ is eroded.

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Conclusions

Hope (for that which was lost) brought the words I needed to express my own unspoken inner turmoil, and I’m writing this post to share this consolation with readers.

The application of biblical principles for wifely behavior builds a wife’s influence.  This power, stemming from doing good and building trust, is what God intended a wife to have.  It is in stark contrast to the contentious means most women use to try and assert control.

What the contentious wife loses in her marriage is ‘Wife Power’.

What the husband of a contentious wife loses in his marriage to her is the myriad benefits of her ‘Wife Power’.  In addition, he is shouldered with the full burden of navigating through life without that positive influence, all while managing the tedious intricacies of her petty dramas and sh!t tests.

‘Wife Power’ is what wives lose when they buy into the enemy’s lies (John 10:10), and the behavior that directly leads to its loss permeates every area of a man’s life, until it doesn’t. When a man recognizes this pattern in his marriage, it is the beginning of an awakening, a realization that his confidence, health, joy, and life satisfaction, are his to control and his alone. The husband’s losses are the benefits of ‘Wife Power’ in his life, such as a trusted sounding board, a true helper, and a desired companion, but the wife loses that which she sought most earnestly: control.

When a man begins to act on the belief of self-determination, his acting independent of her for his own best interests is the first outward evidence the wife sees of the decoupling process. But what she may not realize is that in his mind he already firmly believes he is done with her and at this point her influence is largely squandered. At this point she has little to no influence on him and her ability to have him consider her when determining the direction of the marriage evaporates. In essence, if she wants to stay married he is going to do what he wants and she can take it or leave it.

* Ricki was an Irish blogger, YouTube personality, and music artist who DJ’ed clubs in Dublin.  He was a highly respected author in the days of the Classic Manosphere, most known for his various thematic series (e.g. Myth of the Middle Class Alpha Male) which uncovered the deeper meaning underlying intersexual social interactions.  Unfortunately, most of his contributions to the Red Pill have been meticulously scrubbed from the internet by TPTB, but his musical compositions on his SoundCloud channel survive.  A brief analysis of Rawness psychology can be found at Game for Omegas: Psychology on The Rawness (2012/3/15).

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