Alright-I think I’ve leaned on Sistas, and by extension Women in general enough, and rightly so, for the Honorable Elijah Muhammad once famously said, that a Nation can rise no higher, than its Woman. When you really sitdown to think about it, it’s a pretty profound statement, indeed.

But now it’s the Brothas turn, and this is something I’ve been giving some thought to for a long time. So, let’s get right to it:

The first thing we gotta address here, is the well known reputation for Black Men to be a bit better with the ladies when compared to White Men. This is true in the most broadest terms, for a number of reasons-for one, Black Men tend to be better dressers than White Men; and two, Black Men tend to have more “swag” than White Men, all things being equal.

But what we also have to keep in mind, is that the Black community really has undergone a deep and profound change over the past two generations or so. When at one time Brothas sought to look as clean as possible, now a “grimey” look is the “in” thing. Where Brothas took pride in knowledge for its own sake, whether they went on to school or not, now many Brothas are virulently anti-intellectual. And when there was a time when a Code of the Streets was a very real thing-even amongst hardened criminals, thieves, con-men and gang-bangers-today, the streets are about as close to Anarchy as it can get.

Yet, the terms “pimp”, “player” and “game” are slung around like candy, played around with in fast and loose fashion, and the boys who utter such phrases are anything but. If the stakes weren’t so high, it would all be a big fat joke-and make no mistake-some people ARE indeed laughing at these guys.

So today, I’m gonna try to address a few things at the Brothas in the hopes that it will reach at least one of them, and turn things around.

So let’s start with the mindset, which a lot of Brothas in my experience and observation, is all wrong. First off, your Sistas ain’t your enemy, and it’s a weak Man who takes out his frustrations with the world on her and them as a whole. This plays itself out in many ways, from vicious arguments and out and out fights, to the ways in Brothas treat Sistas-which, and I take no pride in saying this-is often like sh*t. One of the reasons why many Sistas have the attitudes that they do, is because they’ve been so thoroughly dogged out by Brothas, in a whole host of ways. That’s something that’s gotta stop, because if we don’t, Black America is surely doomed.

Moreover, many of you have moms, sisters, grandmoms, aunties, cousins, etc-how would you like it if some fake the funk “player” dogged your peeps out like that? Answer-you wouldn’t, you’d be ready to tool up, at the very least knuckle up. So, it ain’t killing you to treat the Sistas with a basic minimum of respect and dignity, yea, even if she comes off like a Ho or a Chickenhead. A big part of life is in understanding that it ain’t about what happens to you, as much as it as to how you respond.

There are some Brothas who consider themselves metaphysically aware; I personally question that, given their actions in the light of all that. For one thing, your outer appearance, demeanor, actions and who you align yourself with, is a direct commentary on and barometer of, your own mental and emotional, nay even spiritual state. If you looking like a grease monkey all the time, even though you don’t work around or with cars for a living, hanging with ne’er do wells and acting like a hooligan (and speaking worse), then what does that say about you? Yea, I’m gonna say it-people make value judgments about you, based on how you present yourself, who you roll with, etc. No, it ain’t fair, but then what in life is? Refusing to adhere to this fact of life, doesn’t mark you as a Man, but as a boy.

So, when you’re hanging on the corner anywhere between five and twenty deep with your homies, and that fine Sistas tries to walk by and one of y’all tries your hand at “Holla Back Game”, understand why you gets NOTHING. No Woman, regardless of color, is going to respond to that. You and your friends look like criminals, you speak in semi-coherent grunts, and you wait till she’s damn near out of earshot before you get up the gumption to say something. The whole spectacle screams in neon-lights: LOSER. And she’s right to keep it moving.

Brothas, your whole lay needs to be re-evaluated. Take off those hoodrat gears, and that includes the boots, get a haircut, wash your face, brush your teeth, get some smell goods, get rid of those no good friends and get a life.

See, what y’all don’t get is, that in Nature, MALES display, and FEMALES choose. So, ask yourself: why should that Dime you just saw walking by, stop to give YOU the time of day? On the basis of…what? Your looks? The depth of your conversation? Your confidence?

Come on.

See, that’s another huge problem. A lot of you Brothas *think* you know it all, when in truth, you don’t know crap. Then you get mad when someone points that out to you. But we’re in the 21st century now, Obama is President, and no one’s trying to hand your hand anymore, and that includes many Sistas. Sink, or swim. Your choice.

But lucky you, one of the great things is that it’s not as hard as it may seem. Most Sistas still love us, despite all our many failings. They just want us to step it up a bit, and I don’t think that’s too much to ask for-after all, you’re asking her to grant you access inside her body, right?

So, here’s how you can step up your own Game just a bit:

1. Take a brutally honest assessment of your life. By that I means, not just your look, but also the people in it. Ask yourself, for real, if they’re helping you or hindering you, toward meeting your goals. If they are, great, conversation over. But they ain’t, then you need to make a change-a big one. Truth be told, one main reason why a lot of guys fail at this thing, is because they ain’t got as much heart as they think, because to do what I’m asking here takes BALLS.

2. Your inner circle can make or break you-especially with Women. This is because Women are much more socially aware and involved than Men are, and can and will make assessments about you based on this. Abraham Lincoln said it best-better to be alone, than to keep bad company. While it may be edgy to be down with ne’er do wells when you’re a youngbuck, it gets real old when you’re somewhere north of 30. Also, what are your homies like with the Women in their lives? If they’re doing stuff that’s outta pocket, people can and will assume that you’re the same way, whether that’s true or not. A Wise Man is very, very careful as to who he lets in his inner circle, and if he cannot find Men who are up to par, then he makes like an eagle and flies alone until he can meet other eagles. When’s the last time you saw an eagle kickin’ it with the pigeons?

3. Always be learning. This is huge for Black Men for a whole host of reasons, and especially so when it comes to Sistas. I can say, without a doubt, that Women LOVE an intelligent Man. Nor does he have to go to university to be intelligent. Women use such things as a rough proxy to inform them if the Man they’re considering is indeed on the level-and rightly so. Because Women have a heck of a lot more to lose in a relationship than a Man does. Here we come to another important truth-a
Man who truly understands Game has more respect and empathy FOR Women, than less. You need to be reading something more than the sports page in the daily tabloid newspaper. My lady calls me a “C-SPAN junkie” because I watch it so much, LOL. And there’s nothing keeping you from the bookstore or library either. Google’s free. So is Wikipedia. And PBS. And History Channel. And TLC. And so on. There are many ways you can educate yourself, many Black Men before you did it, at a time when being an “uppity Negro” can and often did mean DEATH. There’s simply no excuse for being ignorant an in Information Age. And there’s definitely something pathological to be proud of it. If you haven’t read at least one book a month, you need to be ashamed of yourself. A Man who takes the time to develop his mind is a sign not only of intelligence but also a sign of industriousness, something that is very appealing to Women.

4. Learn to speak and write well. How many words can you type, correctly, in a minute? Can you type at all? If your vocabulary consists largely of words like “shorty” and “ma”, you need to spend some time with a dictionary. Some deal with swear words. Men use them as the default language because they can’t find the right words to express himself. Being an effective communicator has many uses, not just picking up that hot Dime you saw at the mall or in the club. It can open many doors for you, get you out of lots of jams, cool tensions, and sway people to your side when you want to get things done. Brothas need to break the cycle of willing ignorance and anti-intellectualism that is not only alienating them from the Women in their lives, but are also making them irrelevant in the Information Age. When you approach a Woman, it has to be in a way that is respectful, coherent, and separates you from the umpteen other Men she’s seen in a day. By and large, Women don’t like being called shorty, ma, mami, or being told that “damn girl, you got big legs/breasts/butt/etc”, and so on. These are NOT legitimate conversation openers, nor is it cool to let the Woman pass you, get ten yards out and *then* you start your spiel. If you don’t have the heart to post up, make eye contact and kick it, you don’t deserve her.

5. Develop attraction-and the primary place to start that is in the way you dress. Black Men invented the Art of Peacocking, and its something we need to get back in my view. Now, every style ain’t for every Man, but I will say this-if you keep doing what you always have, you’ll keep getting what you always got. Try something new. If you look in your closet and it doesn’t contain ONE suit in it, then you need to make a change. If at the bottom of your closet all that’s there are Timberland boots and sneaks, you need to make a change. If your hat rack is stocked with nothing but throwback fitted flatbills and sullies, you need to make a change. Experiment. Hang out at some of the Men’s stores in the hood. Most all of the Hip Hop designers now make suits, check em out. And if you still decide that Street is your style, then be NEAT about it. That means, keep your Tims in good shape, no dirty jeans, fresh cut, shave etc. A sloppy Man in appearance is a sloppy Man in mind and action, too. It’s no accident that the Men who are at the top of their game are those who look the part. Precision ain’t an accident son.

6. Be a combination of things-we Men by and large, have a very shortlist of “must haves” for Women. Not so for most Women, their lists can a mile long, LOL. But the point is, that they have a wider pallet of needs than we do, and when it comes to us Brothas, that’s actually something that works in our favor. Being something of a Renaissance Man comes more easily and naturally to us than most White guys, and even many Hispanic guys, due to our unique blend of inherent traits and long, history in this country. We can be that perfect blend of Street, Gangster, Gentleman, Scholar. All of these archetypes represent something very important to Women, and accounts for much of why we tend to have an easier go of it when it comes to dating and even marrying across the races moreso than the Men of other races. So, since you already got a leg up in the game, why not maximize your market position?

7. Be a Man of your Word-this hugely important, and something I don’t think many of you really understand. For example, many of you cats love the flick Scarface, but seem to have forgotten the part where Tony Mantegna, played by Al Pacino, says the following: “all I got in this world is my word and my balls, and I don’t break em for nobody”. I was always taught that a Man’s word was his calling card, and can make the difference between him being a success or failure in life. Not just with Women, but Life period. A Woman definitely loves a Man who’s as good as his word, please do not get that twisted. When you tell a Woman you’re going to do something, stick to it.

8. Aim High-in all you do, you need to aim for the stars, homey. Remember what Mr. Muhammad said-a nation can rise no higher than its Woman. If all you tapping are Chickenheads and Hoochie Mamas, then you have really have no room to complain when they act in ways that are consistent with their behavior, now can you? Remember this, all of you: never date below your pay grade. Studies have been done that show and prove that a high quality Woman can add years to a Man’s life; if that’s so, then what happens when you keep company with lesser quality Women? Hmm?

9. Have a Killer Work Ethic-having all the talent in the world means nothing if you don’t work it; in fact, history records and bears witness to many examples of so-so talented Men who worked their asses off, while Men who had mad talent went nowhere in life. With Women, you can be successful on sheer hustle alone. And that’s true in Life, too. Persistence is a desirable trait in a Man, many Women long for it. Now of course, talent and work ethic is a powerful combination, but if I could only choose one, I’d take the latter over the former coming and going. In fact, the harder you work, at anything, the more opportunities you create for yourself. You wanna how I spell luck? W-O-R-K. All of the Great Men of this world were so because nobody gave them anything-they earned it. See for yourself. In fact, they are Great because they out hustled everyone else in the field, not in spite of it. Micheal Jordan, John Paul the Great, Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Tiger Woods, Jay-Z, Barack Obama, Abe Lincoln, Winston Churchill, Malcolm X, Muhammad Ali, Style, and many, many more examples, of Men who owe their success in life more to the number of hours they put into their craft than any natural born talent. Work needs to be seen as your friend. When others are turning over in bed, you need to be working on something that advances yourself in some way toward a goal. Personally, what Big Daddy Kane once said is my motto: “I work like a slave to become the Master”.

10. Heroes-Who Are Yours? Every Man needs someone to look up to for examples and for inspiration. Many of the Men mentioned above are mine, and each represents something that I want to be. If you don’t have any, take my list until you make one of your own. Templates are very helpful in the Process of Becoming. As Guru of Gangstarr said, if you don’t know where your going, you’re lost.

Use these simple rules, my Brothas. The weight of Black America rests on your shoulders and depends on you stepping up to the plate.

Now adjourn your asses…

The Obsidian