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Regular readers of the O-Files know just how much I dig Neo-Soul singer, poet and actress Jill Scott; I’ve been a big fan of hers since her days of reading poetry and singing on “Black Lilly” night at the famed Five Spot club back home in Philly. Not only that, but we have two very important things in common: we’re both from North Philly, born and raised; and we both share a Temple U connection – her attending as a student, me being a volunteer instructor in its world-reknown “PASCEP” program.
One can imagine my elation then, to discover that Jill Scott was soon wearing yet another hat, as a regular Essence magazine columnist. Her first column, which is called “I’m Just Sayin’”, created quite a bit of controversey for her views of Black Men dating and/or marrying out – in other words, choosing White Women. It remains a hotly debated and discussed topic in Black circles, and one which I intend to get to another time. But today, I wish to address yet another column she wrote that appeared in the Aug 2010 issue of Essence, entitled “Boys To Men: Columnist Jill Scott is issuing a desperate call to oustanding brothers to teach our boys how they, too, can become great and powerful men”. it was brought to my attention by one of my regular readers, and I decided to check it for myself. While I appreciate Ms. Scott’s heartfelt sentiments, I feel that it is important to bring a much needed sense of perspective, balance, and correction, to many of the views she shared.
It really kinda pains me to do this…
To my knowledge, because the column itself doesn’t appear to be available online, I’ve taken the liberty of copying it from the print version in full and presenting it to my readers. First then, is Ms. Scott’s column in its entirety; and following, a remixed version featuring her words and mine, in “call and response” format.
Here’s the original:
Boys To Men
by Jill Scott, Essence Aug 2010 issue, “I’m just Sayin’” column*Columnist Jill Scott is issuing a desperate call to oustanding brothers to teach our boys how they, too, can become great and powerful men*
While traveling in Africa, I met a man who shared with me that when boys in his village are about 6 years old, they are sent “up the mountain”. He told me that they leave their homes alone and climb to a place where the men of the village meet them. While there, he said, the adult men teach the boys how to fight with their hands and how to wield seveal different weapons. The boys are taught how to hunt for their food and how to cook it, and they are taught that a woman’s happiness is vital to the well-being of society. And then they are circumcised with a hot rock. (Yes. yes, I know.) After all these lessons are given and rites performed, the boys make the painful climb back down the mountain into the arms of their mothers. They arrive as men.
Of course, as an American with a son of my own, I preferred to have him circumcised as an infant. But the rest of the ritual seems immeasurably valuable. Where is this mountain climb for our African-American boys? Where is their community of great men? Too many of our sons are being raised and schooled, for the most part, by television, by hustlers in the streets, with only their mothers to tell them how to be a man.
As a single mother I pray I can give my son the values that will enrich his life. I will teach him to live within his means because i don’t want him to be chained to debt. I will challenge his thinking because I believe one’s own discovery of truth is the building block of character. It will be my pleasure and my greatest task to assist my son on his path, but there are lessons that are beyond my capacity. How can my XX chromosomes truly comprehend his testosterone-fueled XY? I have no idea how an erection feels or how to control it. I can fight if I have to, but I don’t think it’s a good idea to shadowbox with my son. What would i be teaching him about hitting women?
The truth is, there are things that only a man can teach a boy. I can show my son the world. I can give him knowledge of many different facets of life, but I believe there are experiences only the male of our species can share. While there are men who only take pride in raising and instructing their sons, there is very little communal education. Just imagine if our men taught our boys conflict resolution-how to settle a dispute so that everyone walks away alive. Maybe if our outstanding men shared that one skill with our boys, there would be fewer violent deaths in our neighborhoods. Fewer of our strongest willed men would be locked behind barbed wire. What if our great men taught our boys how to nurture women and children with love, respect and understanding? Maybe our artists would be more creative when depicting women in their music and videos. Maybe more of our baby daddies would stay accountable. Maybe domestic abuse would crumble like dry leaves and many more of our marriages would last.
Our boys need a community of men to stand up for them and to help them fully appreciate their true worth. Our boys need this desperately. This is a call to action. This is a mother’s request. Okay, I am begging. Please.
And here’s the remix:
“While traveling in Africa, I met a man who shared with me that when boys in his village are about 6 years old, they are sent “up the mountain”. He told me that they leave their homes alone and climb to a place where the men of the village meet them. While there, he said, the adult men teach the boys how to fight with their hands and how to wield seveal different weapons. The boys are taught how to hunt for their food and how to cook it, and they are taught that a woman’s happiness is vital to the well-being of society. And then they are circumcised with a hot rock. (Yes. yes, I know.) After all these lessons are given and rites performed, the boys make the painful climb back down the mountain into the arms of their mothers. They arrive as men.”
Although I am very glad that you had the chance to journey to Africa, mainly in connection with your tv show being shot on location there, I am a bit pensive about over-romanticizing Africa. After all, they have many documented problems (how many people leave Africa for elswhere in the world, versus how many are going there, for example?), not the least of which are many of the “male traditions” that you seem to somewhat naively speak of. Yes, it may be true that “rites of passage” actions are taken in various parts of Africa for the young boys – but there are other “traditions”, too – like polygamy, for instance. I don’t know for sure, but something tells me that you wouldn’t be too keen to sign up to be Wife #3 to any of those “outstanding (question: exactly what does that even mean?) brothers”. In such familial arrangements, things are not at all as altruistic as they seem. Keep this in mind.
“Of course, as an American with a son of my own, I preferred to have him circumcised as an infant. But the rest of the ritual seems immeasurably valuable. Where is this mountain climb for our African-American boys? Where is their community of great men? Too many of our sons are being raised and schooled, for the most part, by television, by hustlers in the streets, with only their mothers to tell them how to be a man.”
Ms. Scott, you have answered your own question, without even realizing it – note your quote above: “Of course, as an American with a son of my own, I preferred to have him circumcised as an infant.” – emphasis on the words “American” and “I” – and in America, Women, Black and White, have pretty much a free hand to do as they please when it comes to reproduction and childrearing, backed both by social convention and the power of the State. So much so, I might add, that increasingly, African Women are looking to Sistas like you for inspiration and direction. By all means, take a bow! Where are the “great men” you so longingly speak of? They’re gone, Ms. Scott – by your Sistas’ choice, I might add. Women in general, and it can be said Black Women in particular, have in many instances, run off many otherwise good Black Men from playing any significant role in the lives of their kids, aside from finanical ones, of course. By your own hand, you made it clear that it was YOU who made the decision as to whether your son would be circumcised or not (I note that you didn’t mention whether your son’s father had any input or say in the matter); and it is the decision of many Black mothers to have their sons raised by the TV, by the hustlers, and so forth. If the resulting boys only have their mamas to tell them how to be a Man, it may not entirely be the fault of the dads; I suggest the Sistahood take a long look in the mirror, before they go to pointing accusatory fingers.
“As a single mother I pray I can give my son the values that will enrich his life. I will teach him to live within his means because I don’t want him to be chained to debt. I will challenge his thinking because I believe one’s own discovery of truth is the building block of character. It will be my pleasure and my greatest task to assist my son on his path, but there are lessons that are beyond my capacity. How can my XX chromosomes truly comprehend his testosterone-fueled XY? I have no idea how an erection feels or how to control it. I can fight if I have to, but I don’t think it’s a good idea to shadowbox with my son. What would i be teaching him about hitting women?”
Well, should you decide to instruct your son in the martial arts, you would be teaching him that he has the right to defend himself, regardless as to where the threat to his existence is coming from; after all, in our time, it is not at all unusual for Men to be abused or even killed by Women; one of the dirty little secrets of the domestic violence industry is that abuse can and often does go both ways – with Men AND Women, being the aggressors.
“The truth is, there are things that only a man can teach a boy. I can show my son the world. I can give him knowledge of many different facets of life, but I believe there are experiences only the male of our species can share. While there are men who only take pride in raising and instructing their sons, there is very little communal education. Just imagine if our men taught our boys conflict resolution-how to settle a dispute so that everyone walks away alive. Maybe if our outstanding men shared that one skill with our boys, there would be fewer violent deaths in our neighborhoods. Fewer of our strongest willed men would be locked behind barbed wire. What if our great men taught our boys how to nurture women and children with love, respect and understanding? Maybe our artists would be more creative when depicting women in their music and videos. Maybe more of our baby daddies would stay accountable. Maybe domestic abuse would crumble like dry leaves and many more of our marriages would last.”
With all due respect Ms. Scott, you’ve got pixie dust in your eyes if you think some “commune” of “outstanding men” is gonna fix these problems you’re going on about – and this is coming from someone who’s been as involved in the community as it gets. I’ve volunteered hundreds of hours of my time to assisting others, including boys, and let me tell you Ms. Scott, there IS a such thing as Bad Seeds – some of those “strongwilled men” NEED & DESERVE to be LOCKED UP. Moreover, every conflict cannot be resolved peacefully – didn’t you read what you wrote about the African brothers in the above paragraph? What do you think they train those boys to fight and to use weapons for – ceremonial purposes? No, they are taught these things because in the world in which Men live and move in, the threat of violence is real – and sometimes, the only way to counteract this, is to meet it with even stronger – sometimes even lethal – violence.
Furthermore, I think it’s highly commendable that dads train their sons in the ways of the world – that was certainly the case with my dad. Nor is it the job of dads to train up the sons of others who made poor decisions in life – and that’s where my biggest bone of contention with both your piece, and if I may be so frank, with you, comes from. Let’s be honest Ms. Scott, what you want is for men with options – the creme de la creme – to devote precious hours of their own lives, to raise and make productive citizens out of boys who were the result of bad mating decisions, largely on the part of the Mother, since, if we’re gonna take it back to Mother Africa, the Woman always chooses her mate, not the other way around. You seem to be saying that it is our – meaning Black Men’s – RESPONSIBILITY to raise up the sons of others, like it’s our DUTY or something – and that’s something I simply cannot get with. For one thing, it’s insulting to demand that a Man, or a group of them, raise the boys of others, but it’s also highly contradictory of you – if not out and out hypcocritical – to cherrypick those aspects of African “rites of passage” programs that YOU find problematic as an “American”, but you don’t seem to have any problem encroaching on the right(s) of other Americans – in this case, Brothas – to do with their dime and time as they see fit. Simply put Ms. Scott, all of what you are “asking” is really a CHOICE on the part of Brothas – and in that life is hard enough just being a Brotha, let alone having the task of raising up the next generation of Brothas who emanated from one’s own loins, I for one cannot blame any Brotha who chooses to say “no thanks” to your “request”. After all, as Americans, they have that right.
Just as you had the right to choose, unilaterally, to have your son circumcised.
And while I’m on that point, let me take it one step further, and be even more brutally blunt: you, Ms. Scott, decided on a course of action, that has left you a single mom, less than five years out from the age of 40. You cannot say that you were poor, or that you didn’t know any better due to (lack of) age – you most certainly knew better. Yet, you went ahead anyway, and made your choice. I respect it – but now there are realworld consequences that must be paid as a result – consequences that could very well be paid by your son. You of all people should know, given the “conscious” nature of your songs, how vitally important it is for a Sista to be discerning as to whom she allows between her thighs. Again, since you want to take it back to Africa – birthplace of the Human Race – you must know how basic human evolution and by extension sexuality/reproduction, works – yes? If not, it would clearly explain the quandary you find yourself in, right now.
As for “holding baby daddies accountable”, we already have a remedy for doing so – its called Family Court, and Men who have been deemed to be in arrears for their court-mandated support fees can and have been arrested and jailed – I’ve seen this happen on several occasions myself, firsthand. I don’t need to tell you where the one in Philly is located; perhaps you’ve been there yourself.
Finally, as to this notion of moral outrage directed at SOME rappers for their lyrics, what I don’t get is why none of the outraged class never seem to go after Eminem – a Man who by all accounts, has built an entire career rapping in the worst ways imaginable, about his on-again, off-again wife and mother, in ways Tupac or Biggie never did. Moreover, I am always struck by the fact that those who claim to be so very outraged never seem to ask whether if anything the rappers say is true on this score, as off-color their remarks may indeed be. The fact that so many Males, from so many walks of life can so thoroughly identify with what the rappers are saying, really ought to give one pause as to the possibility, however harrowing, of said lyrics containing within them, a vein – a rather rich one, if sales revenues are any indication – of truth therein.
“Our boys need a community of men to stand up for them and to help them fully appreciate their true worth. Our boys need this desperately. This is a call to action. This is a mother’s request. Okay, I am begging. Please.”
Again: in no way am I against the idea of Black Men banding together to mentor young Black boys; but like so many other things in American life, it should and must be, a CHOICE for Black Men to make themselves. Cajoling, or “begging”, or putting out “calls to action” and the like, really do need to be given a rest. And again, I happen to both know and have worked with, such “rites of passage” groups in my time; in fact, one such outfit right now, could use your support and “name” to further its mission. But for real, what needs a “call to action”, is a spotlight on the role so many Sistas play in situations like these in the first place. Let’s face it – you, and the Sistahood – are the gatekeepers. If you want better outcomes, you have to make better choices from the get-go.
I’m just sayin’.
Comment & reply, holla…
The Obsidian
