This time of year when one of the biggest holidays on the calendar burns through the dead of Winter-Valentine’s Day, what else?-it’s common to hear of the newest/latest books and the like, almost always aimed at Women, to help them find their Mr. Right. Ms. Lori Gottlieb’s “Marry Him: The Case For Settling For Mr. Good Enough” is no exception; in fact, it appears that her missive has started quite a backlash among her fellow travellers. It seems that all of the Usual Suspects of the Femosphere have kneejerked their disapproval at Ms. Gottlieb’s sisterly betrayal: what, actually *settle* for some lowly Man? Women need Men like…oh, well you get the point.
Not only has Ms. Gottlieb’s book been the talk of the town on the Web, but apparently it’s been optioned to be made into a feature length film, by none other than Tobey “Spider-Man” Maguire himself-which, when one thinks of his Peter Parker persona, really makes sense.
That’s because only a non-Venomnized Pete could ever, ever even consider such a thing. Not only is the very premise-that a Woman, any Woman, has to put up with a guy because she’s simply run out of options-but the Y-chromosome yammering over the whole thing once again, leaves out one crucial element:
US.
But, we’ll get to that in a moment, as well as the gist of Ms. Gottlieb’s book. But before we do that, let’s consider one little thing, shall we?
Gottlieb’s book no doubt will be viewed as “dating advice”; perhaps even as “self-help”-and in any event, such books are marketed in droves to Women, *for years*. All kinds of truly dehumanizing language and allusions are made to Men, such as the very title of the book we’re discussing; we’re rated and objectified, ranked and given the heave-ho for the slightest imperfection, infraction or just the misfortune of being *human*-a necessary evil all in the name of the Precious Ladies’ search for “Mr. Right”.
Moreover, none other than the High Priestess of Relationship & Dating Advice herself-Oprah Winfrey-is known for her pricey workshops and seminars as she is for her long running tv chat show. And of course, she endorses everything for Women from The Rules to He’s Just Not That Into You, to now, of course, “Marry Him!”.
Yet, one of thee biggest complaints and charges by those who decry Game-almost, but not always Women, is that it is not only disrespectful to Women and trades in dehumanizing terminology to and about them, but it suckers in unsuspecting guys too, on the grounds that the Game/PUAsphere is chockfull of hucksters-21st century snakeoil salesmen who rake in the dough while their clients and customers get feeble, at best, results.
And to be sure, for my part at least, I don’t deny that the Gamesphere has its share of hucksters and shady types. But the sheer hubris it takes on the part of many Women to actually fix their mouths to make such charges, in the face of scads of books and the like, such as the one we’re examining today, really takes the cake. It, along with the other points that need to be raised and presented in the light of day for all to see, counts as just one of many examples of what fellow Game and all-around blogger Ferdinand Bardamu called the Eternal Solipsism of The Female Mind.
But wait, there’s more!
Not only is Gottlieb’s screed a half-hearted attempt to sound like she’s gained some wisdom in her more than a *quarter century of frutiless dating*, but she has the nerve-the unmitigated gall-to suggest that she still has every right to be picky, because, afterall, she has a son to think about.
That’s right. Ms. Gottlieb is a Baby Mama. The question becomes, *how* did she achieve this monumental feat, without so much as a hubbie, boyfriend, or even a Hookup?
The answer comes from Gottlieb herself. In her Mar 2008 article of the same name of her book in the Atlantic (and which is still available online; , she makes it clear that she took a trip to the local fertility clinic with time running out on her biological clock so she could knocked up the good old fashioned way-with the Turkey Baster-because, well, there just wasn’t anybody out there good enough for her to make a baby with otherwise.
Let that sink in for a moment.
OK, so let me get this straight: she can’t find anybody “good enough” for 25 YEARS, then finally, at the fag end of her fertile years, decides to get the Butterball Treatment. Then, STILL expects to find “Mr. Right”, and failing that, will grudgingly “settle” for “Mr. Good Enough”.
Is this Beeyotch out of her ever-loving mind?!?
Oh yea-I can just see the swarms of Men now, who can’t *wait* to lineup to take to one knee and humbly beg for this Middle-aged Maiden’s hand in holy matrimony, Test Tube Baby in tow, no less.
The sheer arrogance, hubris and out and out megalomania, that this Woman exudes is something the likes of which I’ve never set my eyes on before-and believe you me, I done seen a lot of stuff. She honestly thinks that her stuff don’t stink-and she’s by no means alone. More and more, both here in the States and across the pond in the UK, Women are being seen as increasingly demanding, narcissistic, unrealistic and haughty-with average, at best, cred to back it up. Consider the recent London Daily Mail article that talks about this very problem, the one written by American homegirl Kay Hymowitz, and others. Heck, forget all that-just take a look at Gottlieb herself-one can understand why she finally had to go under the Turkey Baster to do the deed. Girlfriend is hardly a prize by any Man’s standard, even if you took the baby out of the equation and rolled the clock back a decade. At best, I’d rank her a middling 5. But the way she talks about herself, it’s as if she’s the identical twin to Megan Fox or something.
NOT.
And that’s another thing that burns me up about Women like Gottlieb-which, I am very sad to report, are the coin of the realm in our times: they not only want, or expect, but DEMAND the tip-top absolute best Man in the Universe, but give little if anything in return. They surely aren’t offering equal value, that’s for certain. Ever took a peek at Craig’s List, or Match.com, or eHarmony, and looked at these ladies ads? Their “lists” of the ideal Man are yay long, but notice something:
They never, ever, offer what the guy gets in return. It’s almost as if these gals are doing such sought after guys a favor just to be in their hallowed presence. What’s in it for me? Not a whole lot. Gimme, gimme, gimme.
No, screw that. It ain’t “almost as if”-it IS as if.
Nor does it surprise me one little bit that Gottlieb’s supposed cautionary tale talks about how all the guys she passed up in her life have moved on to have families of their own-you know, the one you make with someone you actually know and doesn’t require a petrie dish-and trust me, they’re thanking GOD in Heaven that they didn’t get hitched to this Royal Headcase, or others like her. Men, in case no one’s figured it out by now, are just simpler, more pragmatic and are much, much more likely to “settle” than are Women, and when they decide that the dating game ain’t for them, they find happiness elsewhere. Which explains why for every Game or PUA website, blog, book or seminar, you can find easily dozens of the female-versions in any direction you want to go. Happiness for Men is a heck of a lot easier than for Women for the simple reason that we expect a lot less than do Women. And once Women, for all their vaunted brainpower, finally figure this out, they too just might get a freaking clue.
The ASSumptions this book and attendant squawking by the Femmetariot makes-very, very dangerous ones-is that the guys will simply go along with whatever the ladies eventually decide to do, assuming that’s even humanly possible in the first place. It doesn’t occur to them that Men have minds of their own, connected to their own ideas of what they’d like to have and do and be in life, and who to do that with. Moreover, they assume that the reason why they haven’t found Mr. Right, is because, well, they just haven’t found Mr. Right. It never occurs to them that the real reason why they haven’t found Mr. Right, is because they’re NOT Ms. All That-and the Mr. Good Enough’s of the world aren’t exactly beating a path to their door either. They can’t seem to make the connection between what goes on in their heads and what goes on outside it, and line the two up accordingly. And they can’t seem to understand why anyone with any modicum of options, self respect or just plain ole sanity, would be out of their mind to even give one nanosecond, or one spark of brainpower towards even considering standing in the same room as such a Woman, let alone dating or worse, mating with her. Once again: Feminine Solipsism, anyone?
Parting Shot:
As if I couldn’t be more pissed off by reading Ms. Gottlieb’s crocodile tear-laden “cautionary tale”, her constant rejection of Men for congenital features (among a great, great many things), such as lack of the height she wanted and so on, really got me to thinking-you know, Women do not hesitate to call a Man a Misogynist-usually because he disagrees with her-and some Men have tried to “answer” back by charging some Women with Misandry.
But it doesn’t work, in my view. Why? Because the word is too esoteric, and besides, it smacks of a kind of loserdom; they call you a Misogynist, you call them a Misandrist? Nah.
But as I was out talking a walk to cool off after reading Gottlieb’s mad ravings, something else occurred to me; Bigotry. The intense dislike of another, just because of how they look. In fact, Gottlieb’s book, stands as an A1 case study in perhaps thee most pernicious form of discrimination around, and that’s the kind that Women of her ilk visit on Men all the time. In fact, now that I think about it, I have been discriminated against MORE by Women-and in this case, Black Women-than I EVER have by job employers, banks, landlords and the like. In other words, being an “unacceptable Male” has been the cause of my being discriminated against, by BLACK WOMEN, than my being discriminated against, simply because I’m Black.
Therefore, it is wholly appropriate, and I call on all my Brothers-and Sisters of Good Will-to begin to call such people like Gottlieb for what they are:
Woman, thou name art Bigot. And Hypocrite. And just plain ole Cwazie.
And like Archie Bunker, we’ll laugh AT you, too.
Now adjourn your pathetic arses…
The Obsidian
