How to Make Girls Chase is a dating ebook for men, teaching men how to meet, interact, and seduce women.
Bullet Summary
- Balance value, investment, and attainability
- Hit ‘escalation windows’ for successful seductions
- Follow an effective process for reliable results
Girls Chase – Summary
About The Author:
Chase Amante is the founder of Girlschase.com, a blog on dating and seduction for men.
After launching a few products on conversation and an ebook, he then launched a course called “One Date” and several more courses launched via his email list.
How to Open
Chase Amante recommends cold approaches.
He says you better avoid approaching women from the back or with your body in full frontal position.
Approaching from the side is better (I agree, and the same as Vanessa van Edwards in Body Language of Love and Dating).
Chase also recommends that you “pre-open her”, meaning that you grab her attention and make her look at you before you look at her.
Then, “lock in” as soon as possible, meaning that you assume the most comfortable position -for example leaning against the bar or sitting on a stool-.
Both moves of her looking at you first and you take the most comfortable position are designed to make it seem like she’s the one most invested, which highlights you’re “above her”
My note:
Chase also recommends you drop openers such as “excuse me” as that sounds like you’re apologizing.
I don’t fully agree with that, “excuse me” is not so much an apology as it’s an attention grabber before starting a conversation.
Also, read:
Use Genuine Interest
Chase Amante recommends you tell her directly you are interested in her and you do so with what he calls a “killer compliment”.
A killer compliment is a compliment that is highly relevant to her.
Your goal is to make her feel special (as opposed to trying to lower her ego as often happened in The Game).
The author also provides examples of how to actually structure a solid opener, and I invite you to get the book for those.
The Hook
Chase says that the all-important moment of an early interaction is reaching “the hook”.
The hook is that point in the interaction when she starts being interested in you and engrossed in the interaction.
He says there’s no silver bullet for that, but the most reliable ways are to have proper fundamentals.
Fundamentals include:
- Your voice
- Body language
- Posture
- Fashion
Focus on getting her investment early on.
Ask questions and focus the conversation mostly on her.
My Note:
I think many people get this “focus the conversation on her” and “ask questions” all wrong.
The easiest mistake to fall into is to ask lots of questions in close succession. In the beginning, some statements can be more useful to that bad pattern (also see Kezia Noble and Mark Manson).
Chase Frames / Push-Pull
Chase Amante talks about the famous Push-Pull technique and uses the example of:
You’re cool, but don’t get any ideas, I’m not easy
The technique is effective in that it first gives a compliment drawing her close in, and then pushes her away.
Also, that second part is what “chase frames” are about, such as implying that she is chasing you.
Some other examples could be:
I also like you, I’m glad you spoke to me
Thus implying, or highlighting, that she’s the one who’s making it happen.
My note:
I use this technique a lot, especially implying she’s into boys in general which is less risky for push-backs. You can read more on it as that’s the first point of my Text Flirting Guide.
Repartee and Rapport
Repartee is the very beginning where you exchange a few witty remarks and it’s helpful to break the ice.
He highlights you avoid any joke that might sound aggressive or combative.
Then you move into rapport, which is where you bond at a more personal level.
Rapport is where you need to manage the three biggest pillars of seduction: value, investment, and attainability.
Deep Rapport
Chase Amante calls deep rapport, or that sensation of “being in a bubble”, deep diving.
He says though that emotions don’t last, so you should do something useful with it (an expectation we explored in women’s early dating mistakes).
For example, make a comment to “cement” those emotions, for example, saying you’re happy that you met, it was so little ago and you already got that great connection.
Or when she smiles tell her that’s the biggest smiley you’ve ever seen and it’s lovely.
And again, always focus on her. Her dreams, ambition, her story..
Pillar I: Value
Chase Amante says that the basic definition of value is what you have to offer to someone (check The Social Exchange Theory for more).
Your value should be tied more to your unspoken fundamentals than to your stories and obvious show-offs.
Chase then goes into the all-important distinction of what women value in men, such as qualities that make them lovers or providers (and all the mixes between them).
If you’re not familiar with them, I definitely recommend you look it up in his book or even read an evolutionary psychology book that will explain the difference from a more scientific point of view (check The Moral Animal).
Pillar II: Investment
Investment is the time or effort or “emotional cycles” that a woman spends for you.
The more a woman invests in you, the more she will feel for you.
Chase Amante breaks down the investment types you can get, which are:
- Compliance (as Chase calls it): asking her to do things for you, from “(can you) tell me about that” to “(can you) pass me the lighter”
- Taken compliance: no question but proceeding as if it were obvious she said yes <— ⚠️TPM’s note: be careful with this. Gaging her willingness to follow requires high social and mating intelligence to do effectively. In today’s culture, assuming compliance can also lead to issues
- Rumination: she thinks about you. Give her a task to do in your absence and she’ll think more of you
- Intriguing: when she wonders whether you like her or not or she wonders about you
- Angering her: the most dangerous and not recommended for non-experienced guys
- Temporal: spending time together
- Auto investment: some women will invest on their own, always accept
Chase Amante says that kissing and sexual escalation are a form of taken compliance.
Many men run into resistance there because they haven’t built enough compliance before and the woman is not accustomed to following his lead.
On the “anger” one, I agree it’s dangerous (also see The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene).
To learn more about how investment works, see:
- Social Investment Model: the primer article on interpersonal investment dynamics
Rewarding and Punishing
Chase Amante takes a leaf out of Skinner’s book here in terms of operant conditioning
Rewarding and punishing both shape behavior and her perception of you.
If you allow rude behavior to go unchecked, her respect for you will tank. So you have to both discourage that behavior with punishment and show that you’re no puppet that will take her disrespect.
On the other hand, you want to encourage good behavior by rewarding it. You can reward with attention, more questions, compliments, physical proximity, etc.
My Note: Operant conditioning is an old model of psychological influence
Operant conditioning is not always the most effective.
I prefer a more direct approach to addressing bad behavior.
Screening
Chase Amante proposes screening as your way of showing her you’ve got standards.
When you screen her, you are looking for qualities that you like.
When she confirms she has those qualities, she is complying with you and trying to show her value to you.
And that’s when you reward her for it (we’ve talked about this in “how to make a powerful first impression“).
With that, you automatically position yourself as the one who’s judging and picking.
And as we’ve seen many times on this website, the one who’s judging is the one who is “above” in the interaction.
Chase Amante says there are three ways of screening:
- Questions: easiest and most basic
- Comparisons: “all my friends are very driven people, they go for what they want”
- Self Description: you describe a characteristic of yours, putting pressure on her to agree with you
Avoid Gaps
When she doesn’t qualify, the gap between you two grows larger.
So you should “help her” to pass your screen by nudging her a little bit or by amplifying her only slightly positive answer.
For example, if you ask her if she cooks and she says “not much” you could add “like nothing? You can’t even do some basic pasta?”.
If she replies “just a bit of pasta” you could amplify and say “well that’s not just a bit, pasta is great good, what kind of pasta do you cook”.
Another way to help screen girls who aren’t experienced is to give them multiple options.
Your goal is to not get “nothing” as a reply, so you could tell her “what do you do of exciting, travel, write… Make your mom go crazy by skipping class all week?”.
Pillar III: Attainability
With attainability, Chase Amante introduces the topic of value balance.
Basically, in a (budding) relationship the woman should feel like the man has high value but she can access that value.
If the woman believes the man is low value, she will not want him.
If he is high value and difficult to get, she will write him off and resent him.
If she perceives him as being high value, but he manages to build her up with good screens and rewards, she will feel like she can happily get him and be with him.
And that’s the definition of the perfect seduction.
Move Fast
Chase Amante stresses the importance of moving fast with women.
Meaning you should try to shorten as much as possible the amount of time spent between the first meeting and sex.
That’s an indicator of both confidence and previous experience and success with women.
Touching Girl
Chase says that going for too long without touching as it builds attraction, can become too much.
The girl will feel under pressure and will jet.
Touch helps close that tension gap between you two and gets her accustomed to your physical contact.
Chase then goes on to describe the different kinds of touches and how you can deploy them and I invite you to get the book for the details (and check 4 ways women touch men wrong).
Inviting For The Date
Chase Amante says you should not ask for her phone number and you should not even say “number”, but instead “contact”.
And always ask on a high point and preferably middle conversation, before you two say goodbye.
The author recommends you avoid group stuff, clubs, bars, and expensive activities.
Meeting near to your place is great, and if she was very into you, even straight to your place could work.
Follow-Up & Texting
Chase recommends text over calls.
One text soon after you met, and then later to arrange the meeting.
Chase elaborates further on his blog on his texting process.
He proposes to ask women something like:
You: When are you free this week?
Or:
You: How does your schedule look like?
My Note:
Chase is a good observer of dating dynamics, but we disagree on this one.
While for some time I tried that approach, Kether helped me change my mind on this. Kether is one of the best dating coaches I’ve had the pleasure to meet and learn from.
The problem with asking her is that it’s a big-ish ask. Many women don’t know their schedules or don’t want to make plans in advance -or don’t want to make plans at all-. So even if they may want to meet you, they may still bulk at taking charge of the next step.
The second problem is exactly that: scheduling is an important part of leadership. And asking about her schedule feels a lot like relinquishing leadership.
The third problem is pure power dynamics: it feels like it’s her schedule that matters only. And whatever she says, you’ll adjust. That’s low-value and low-power dating. And we know that women don’t exactly like guys who are lower value than they are.
When Kether first pointed it out to me it hit me like a ton of bricks. I sat there thinking “that makes SO much sense. What the f*ck was I even thinking”.
Sometimes you need someone to (re-)slap some common sense back into you :).
So now we advise on proposing the days yourself.
Frames
Chase Amante uses the word frame to refer to your view of the world, values, and intent.
He says it’s important your frame “wins” over that of a woman.
To have a strong frame, you need to know who you are, what you want, and what you are willing and not willing to put up with.
The author uses the example of a stronger frame in what he calls the “hard push”.
The hard push consists of calibrated insistence until others buy into your frame.
Also, read:
Responding to Challenges
Chase Amante also talks about responding to challenges.
A challenge is a woman being snippy and/or shit-testing you.
For example, she might tell you she only dates rich men.
The common answer of qualifying yourself -saying you’re rich- or challenging back.
Challenging back can be fun and it’s a step forward, Chase says, but it lowers your attainability.
He then proposes other solutions such as:
- dismissal (ignoring it)
- self-deprecation (jokingly disqualifying yourself)
- invitational (using the challenge to move the interaction forward).
Pulling Her Home
Chase Amante says that after you move a girl, made her invest, and possibly built a connection, it’s time to start thinking to pull.
Pulls can happen after hours or after a matter of minutes, so don’t get hung up on checking the time.
Escalation Windows
Chase Amante is the first author I’ve ever read who introduces the concept of “escalation windows”.
Those are times when you need to progress the relationship forward and if you miss them… It’s all but over.
During escalation windows, the girl is hoping the man will make a move -either invite her to sit, invite her home or escalate sexually-.
If the man doesn’t move forward, she will write him off and eject him.
Follow The Process
Chases says that proposing is what will get you from a lone man to one with women in his life.
He gives a rough seduction process to follow similar to this one:
- build social momentum meeting many new people
- move women quickly until you meet one who will carry with you
- get to know her
- invite her home
- escalate to intimacy
Girls chase CONS
Focus on her, always take the spotlight from you to her
Good general advice, but needs lots of caveats.
First of all, this is a good example of the law of balance.
You don’t want to overdo it or it seems shifty and like you’re hiding something.
Second, calibration is the name of the game.
While some women will happily talk all the time, some others require you to lead a bit more to make them comfortable enough to open up.
Also, if you know how to showcase your good qualities, talking can be a great opportunity to increase attraction and emotional connections.
Also, see:
Dogmatic / Black & White Thinking
Chase seems at times to be a bit dogmatic.
Generalizations don’t sit well with my critical approach to social dynamics.
For example, he says “move quick and you will always have more success”.
Well, not always.
There are plenty of exceptions in dating.
But I get it.
“Laws” are more memorable.
They save Chase space, time, and the complications of explaining exceptions.
They might not be closest to the truth, but “close enough” and “enough times” to help, more than harm.
Some of the examples I felt were “black and white”:
- Never leave your contact information because girls never contact you
My experience instead:
Generally true.
But it’s a catch-all ceiling advice for beginners who only rely on leaving information.
Some women can be shy, or be close to their families or even boyfriends when you meet them.
And leaving your card is the easiest way to discretely exchange info.
Plus, in some countries, conservative women may be uncomfortable being seen with a flashy foreigner.
In any case, more than one woman contacted me when I left my card. Including attractive ones, including a very successful entrepreneur that I ended up dating.
- Never use FB/social media because you’ll never be successful with it
Again, for most guys, it’s low odds.
So I agree with the general principle if you remove “never” and if you add a few caveats.
But exceptions always apply:
My experience:
More than once I dated women that I cold-reached out on social media.
My nephew is also in a relationship with an attractive woman he reached out to on Instagram.
Also, more than once social media allowed me to stay in touch, and date/get intimate later.
- You will never get a girl back if you don’t have sex with her when escalating
And yet again, generally true.
Actually, often true.
And yet still, exceptions apply and, if you’re skilled, you can (almost) easily skirt this issue if you stop on time and spend more time after.
My experience:
I got together with several women after I first escalated to sex, but didn’t get intimate.
Some women even liked me a lot in spite of the “failed escalation”, and some even fell in love.
For one example, you can read the message here, and scroll down.
You can see in Seduction University how to do it.
Girls Chase Review
How to Make Girls Chase is a very good book for beginners and intermediates, written by a capable author, and offered on a website that produced several valid dating articles.
More advanced practitioners may find some exceptions and add some nuances, but they can still find value in it.
Even years later How to Make Girls Chase remains in our list of top dating books for men.
Check out the best dating books for guys.
