Manipulators use lies, tricks, and hidden games to control others.
But what if you could turn the tables?

This guide shows you how to outsmart a manipulator—using their own tactics to protect yourself, keep the upper hand, and even come out ahead.

Below, you’ll find practical strategies with real examples, from staying superficially friendly to fading out without creating enemies. By the end, you’ll know exactly how to outsmart even the sneakiest manipulator.

Quote: The Power Moves is simply the best resource on how to (…) protect yourself and advance in life.
(…) TPM taught me how to interact with these bad people from a position of power, which is infinitely more useful, because you simply can’t always distance yourself.

True, the ‘no contact’ approach with manipulators, unfortunately, isn’t always possible.
So let’s learn some extra strategies:

1. Be Superficially Friendly, But Distant (‘TPM’s Arms Length Approach™’)

A strategic interaction style for managing unavoidable relationships with manipulative individuals through superficial friendliness, emotional detachment, exposure minimization, and value-bounded engagement.

Sport the most genuine smile you can. Even if you know he’s a sneaky manipulator, imagine meeting an actual friend. All the while, keep an emotional wall up, and maintain as much distance as possible

The arm’s length approach is for when you:

• Cannot disengage from the manipulator (yet)
• Can gain transacting with the manipulator

The arms’ length approach allows you to maintain functional or value-positive relationships, without ever getting too close. (Yes, win-win is possible with manipulators. Not ideal, but possible).

Why would you want to use this approach?

First of all, because sometimes you must keep a functional relationship.
Second, because it can be good for you.
And finally, because many manipulators turn into enemies when they sense your disdain.

Many manipulators are high in dark triad traits, are power hungry, or have narcissistic traits. Some have paranoid tendencies and see attacks and enemies where there aren’t any (Peterson shares an example here).

This is why the “superficially friendly” approach is effective.
You have nothing to gain by getting dragged into pointless wars. As we say here: make friends, not enemies.
Manipulators’ wars and vendettas are just another manipulator’s trap for good men.

How to Avoid Pointless And Costly Wars

To avoid unnecessary wars and enemies:

1. Be superficially nice, smiling and saying “so good to see you”
2. Avoid 1:1s
3. Share low-value information, keep high-value information: keep your conversations superficial. Pretend you share some information, but withhold all empowering insights
4. Keep it professional whenever it’s work-related. Professionality is an in-built cover for coldness and disgust
5. Use them as needed, but no more to minimize the time together
6. Avoid assertiveness and straight talk. Sneaky manipulators and vulnerable narcissists resent assertive men because they lack the confidence to talk straight

Here’s an example of how it looks in real life:

1. Manipulator disparages a third party to recruit you in his war
2. You “yeah yeah” it, but without much involvement. You may even validate him. But with a general, philosopher-like frame that “it’s normal that people in your situation can dislike each other”
3. Manipulator presses you to take his side, or attack his enemy
4. You say “yeah, look, I like you man, and I even see your point. The type of guy I am, I do my job and get out”

See?

You refuse to be dragged down.
But all the while, you empathize and even compliment him and make him feel good.
But generally avoid spending 1:1 time with him.
And they’ll go on to use and manipulate some poor naive folks. (Send them here if they’re good people 🙏🏼).

🔎 Example: Failing This Principle

To ensure our community remained uplifting and manipulation-free, it happened that we had to ban someone.
Now, guess what happened right after we banned a user? Suddenly fake negative reviews about TPM started appearing online:

The user wrote several fake reviews on several different websites and then interlinked them to make it appear as if they were from different people.

This is ego-injury revenge behavior, and exactly with certain personalities, strategy beats assertiveness.

2. Focus On WIIFM & Protect Your Downsides

Both defense and offense are important to effectively handle a manipulator

Let’s refresh the basics:

Inveterate manipulators are negative people.
And to effectively deal with negative people, you must be strategic.

The high-level principle that guides you to outsmart a manipulator is to maintain ‘informational asymmetry’.
Such as:

1. Make sure you can’t lose more than you’re willing to risk (defend/CYA). Place your “stop losses” to ensure you never lose more than you’re willing and able to lose
2. Focus on “what’s in it for you” -and on taking- (attack/take). Stop losses in place, you can then focus on the upsides
3. Keep your calculative approach private. Effective calculativeness is a crucial life skill, but it’s best kept private

Let’s refresh some more basics:

Manipulators are takers.
They take at many different levels. Including power, status, (emotional) well-being, and/or money.

So to successfully outsmart a manipulator, ensure he won’t be able to take from you.
Then, focus on what you can gain.

Even though spending time with them is often a loss, you’ll always win as long as you can gain more than you lose.
That is the whole point of this approach and mindset.
Minimize and control your losses, while you focus on the bottom line.

Stop the manipulator at a safe (emotional) distance, while still gaining with a strategic and hyper-calculative approach

2.2. Dip In, Duck Out

1. Engage as little as possible (“dip in”) while still maintaining a semblance of “all is good”. Limiting the engagement at all levels naturally protects your downsides
2. End the engagement ASAP (“duck out”). As soon as you get what you want. Or as soon as the manipulator has no more value to provide

Even when you learn to handle manipulators with Power University, you still want to engage them as little as possible.

Why?

Because manipulators pollute your emotional life and drag you down with their sneaky and dishonorable ways.

So get what you wanted, and move on to better people.

🔎 Example

We cannot share publicly some of our real-life examples publicly.
See Power University for a good example.

3. Fade Away Gradually (TPM Strategic Fade)

A controlled, low-conflict exit strategy for disengaging from manipulative and vindictive individuals. It involves gradual reduction of availability and investment while maintaining superficial friendliness and plausible excuses — ensuring the manipulator never feels openly rejected or disrespected, which minimizes retaliation risk (vendettas, smears, fake reviews)

This allows you to preserve power, minimize losses, and avoid creating enemies, without evening burning bridges.

Fading is a technique of gradual distancing while, on the surface, looking friendly and even willing to meet. It allows you to disappear without creating bad blood

Don’t ghost a manipulator that was close or trying to get close. And there is a psychological reason for this. Many manipulators have fragile egos, sometimes linked to fragile narcissism.
And you’re better off avoiding unnecessary enemies.

That means that any advice to “be honest” with a manipulator is terrible advice.

Vanessa van Edwards for example suggested to outright tell “frenemies” that you’re not friends anymore.
That may be OK with honorable people, but it’s terrible advice for manipulators.

Instead, you never let a manipulator know that you don’t want to engage with them.
Many manipulators are power-sensitive and even power-aware. Deep down, they know what your refusal means: that you don’t think they’re good enough for you -which is true indeed-.

You also don’t ghost manipulators.
You don’t ghost because manipulators see your non-reply as a personal slight. They will think that they’re not even good enough for your reply -which may be true indeed-.

So what do you, then?

You gradually fade.

🔎 How to Fade A Manipulator

This is a walk-through example of how to fade:

Manipulator: Myyy man what’s up! Need to talk to you, let’s meetup
(2 days later)<—— fading begins

You: Myyy man! <—–strategic matching
Sorry the delay mate, been way too swamped with work (need to find a way to quit soon LOL) <—–Strategic vibing and bonding. Make the manipulator feel that you’re all good with him)
Yeah sure we can catch up one of these days

Manipulator: yeah, when are you free?
(1 day later) <—- No overdoing the delay, no repeat pattern. Keep the delay constant but random

You: hmmm tough to say, probably will have to fly next week for work. Maybe let’s resync when I’m back (<—- you do NOT say when you’re back. Strategic move to maintain distance and control. If he wants to chase to, make him chase and invest for it)

See?
The whole game is to say “yes, sure”, but to never take any actual step to meet.

If he insists:

Manipulator: I can swing by your house

(1.5 days later at 1am) <—– sub-communication is “I’ve had a super busy day”. You also force him to break the chase and give you more time since he’ll likely reply the day after

You: LOL, my wife’s always there :S, I’d rather take some break from her TBH <—– another strategic move to come across as “bro talk”.

Use valid-sounding reasons for full cover.
Family, work, girlfriend, or dates are great covers because they’re all high-priority for most men.

Low-Investment, Strategic Meets

The frame is that you’re too busy, but still trying to do him a favor by looking for a quick 10 minutes to still meet him (that must be done at your convenience)

Note that you may also meet with the manipulator during fading.

BUT…

You do it strategically.
“Because you’re so swamped”, your offers of times and locations are convenient to you, and inconvenient to the manipulator.

For example, close to your place, with some other friends, or for a quick coffee.
Since manipulators often want the upper power hand, they will not want to meet at your convenience very often :).

Nastier move: making the experience unpleasant to even things out.
A more vengeful Machiavellian may make the experience more unpleasant. If the manipulator likes to drink, he makes up a reason why he can’t drink for a while. If he’s a teetotaler, he may order a bottle of wine and then “joke” that he’s letting him drink all alone.

That way, you naturally drift apart. And you still keep it “warm enough” in case you run into each other. Or in case you need something from him, or from his social circle.

4. Appear Unthreatening To Lower His Guard

Robert Greene wrote in The 48 Laws of Power:

Play A Sucker to Catch a Sucker: Seem Dumber Than Your Mark

And it’s a great point.
Some techniques to manipulate a manipulator work better when he believes you’re dumber than he is.

However, “dumb” has important downsides.:

4.2. Better Yet: High-Power, Just Not A Threat to Him

Dumb is low power.

And manipulators see dumb people as perfect marks.

Non-threatening instead is about not being a threat to him. (Not if he behaves, at least. The potential for harm works well to keep manipulators in check).

If you’re smart but non-threatening to him, he will keep his guard low, while also respecting you.

“Unthreatening” may include:

• Respecting the manipulator. Or seeming like you respect him
• Disinterested in his goals. So you naturally can co-exist or even ally, without stepping on each others’ toes. Of course, in truth, you may want the same things. He just doesn’t need to know ;)

And smart but naive includes:

• Power blind, unable to see power moves and manipulation
• Easygoing with everyone -the extravert, happy-go-round type getting along with anyone. Or always thinking others have good intentions (Lex Friedman seems a good example)

However, we’re the first here to say this:

When it comes to life effectiveness, naive really overlaps with dumb, no matter the IQ points.
And if you must deploy this strategy, it’s best to appear naive to the manipulator only, but not to everyone else.

Also see:

• Naive self-help

⚠️ 5. Evening Things Out

This strategy is about restoring self-respect, but must be executed properly to be effective and calibrated to the offense to remain an honorable man.

There are a million ways a Machiavellian player would go about, and it all depends on the situation.

But here’s an imaginary example:

🔎 Example: Stranding the Manipulator

If you must breakup with an aggressive manipulator, one may as well regain some self-respect

An alumnus of Power University shared a story about a woman who took advantage of his generosity.
Let’s call her Judy.
Judy used to ask our alumnus to send her a chauffeured car. But she was ungrateful for it. She became more demanding, and even started disparaging our alumnus behind his back.

So this is what a Machiavellian player may do:

Judy: send car
Mach: sure, coming 
(don’t send anything)

When she calls again, the Mach player may go:

Judy: (calls)
(don’t pick up)
Judy: still waiting, the driver is late
Mach: busy now, call in 5 I’ll check

With every new Judy’s reach out, the Machiavellian player evens things out.

The day after, he may get in touch again and say there was some issue, like “He punctured a tire and couldn’t fix it”.

That way, the manipulator may finally realize the value of your favor when it’s taken away.
That will make her re-value you, and maybe even fear losing you (her old golden-egged goose).
She will chase you.

Now, the Mach player FADES.
The more she chases, the more he evens things out and regains respect.

At that point, he may move on for good or tell her why it was for necessary.
For example:

Mach: I heard some cr@p around

Let her guess, let her invest, let her explain.
As per Social ROI principle, the more the manipulator invests, the more you regain power.

6. Plant Bait & Let Them Come to You

Some time ago I attended a social media event looking for YouTube editors.

Everyone was supposed to make a quick self-intro -and everyone did it while remaining seated🤦-.
When it was my turn, I stood up and walked in front to make sure everyone could see me.

Always stand up and face the crowd when introducing yourself. Wonderful opportunity to grab attention and immediately gain high-status. Frame it as making it easier for others to see you and hear you (also true), and you get the high-power/high-warmth perfect combo

That was strategic to make a more memorable impression and have leads come to me.

Which… They did.

Little later the organizer also came to me.
He says I shouldn’t leave because “he wanted to talk to me”.

Why not talk to me right away, then?
And as time goes by, he doesn’t come back to talk to me.

I already smell power move.

I want to leave, and the perfect time is when I spot him near the exit.
Why?
Think strategically.
It’s the perfect time because I can talk to him, without having to walk to him. I get to see if he’s got anything good for me, without expending effort. And the sub-communication of me “just seeing you by accident” is: “I wasn’t waiting (because I don’t need you)”.

Makes sense?

Anyway, he tells me that he can help with marketing.
He name-drops the guys from “The Natural Lifestyle”, and tries to impress with some big numbers.

I start smelling BS.

But I tell him “Sure, let’s get in touch”.

I never get in touch, though.
So if he comes to me, the sub-communication is that he needs me.
And if he doesn’t, great, no time wasted on my side.

P.S.:
Why do I consider him a likely manipulator?
Think about it. And you’ll start becoming a more manipulation-resistant strategic thinker.