The Four Agreements (1997) is a spiritual book in which author Don Miguel Ruiz teaches to overcome societal indoctrination to reach true happiness and self-fulfillment.
TPM Strategic Takeaway: Some Good Mindsets, With Pop Psychology & Marketing For the Masses.
While some principles are valid, the “Ancient Wisdom” marketing frame falls flat for critical thinkers and ambitious men. Generic ‘agreements’ won’t cut it to achieve mental empowerment and goals without calibration, skills, and personal power.
Contents
Bullet Summary
- Don’t take things personally: they’ll never become true and they’ll never be your problem
- Always (and only) do your best. No regrets, no self-abuse. Focus on the path and enjoy it.
- Repeat the new empowering agreements day by day and you’ll soon get there
Summary
About the Author:
Miguel Ruiz is a Mexican expert and author of Toltec and neo-shamanic texts.
Here are the four agreements in short:
- Be impeccable with your word
- Don’t take anything personally
- Don’t make assumptions
- Always do your best
Domestication Makes You Fearful & Judgmental
Ruiz says the outside world teaches us how to live.
And not necessarily in a good way.
We are told what’s acceptable, what’s not acceptable and… We are taught to judge.
The author says society teaches us all the rules through operant conditioning. You will get a punishment when you will be bad and flaunt the rules and you will get a reward when you obey.
And with both punishment and rewards, we learn to wear a mask to please others.
The author says our biggest fear is not death, it’s being alive in the most powerful sense of the word: being and showing our real selves.
Ruiz says that to find the personal joy you have to break all those society-imposed, fear-based agreements that are currently tying you down.
And he proposes four agreements that will help you do just that.
TPM Note: The External World Matters to Achieve Goals
While what Ruiz says is partly true, the reason why people care about what others think is because of evolutionary forces: other people matter to us. Achieving acceptance first and status second matters to a man’s mental health and success, and it largely depends on how we function with others. We embrace the idea of ‘soaring higher’ than mere acceptance here, but we propose to do it strategically. Strategically adapt to influence others when it matters, and ‘do you’ once you are powerful and self-sufficient.
1. Be Impeccable With Your Word
Ruiz says your word is the power coming directly from God.
Impeccable comes from Latin and means you don’t use your words to speak ill of yourself or others.
It must go both ways: both outwardly and inwardly.
You must stop entertaining negative thoughts about yourself –Albert Ellis recommends you screen out negative thoughts-.
And you must equally stop spreading bad gossip about others.
Albeit he doesn’t call it “karma”, the author basically describes karma when he says that, in life, you get back what you put out.
TPM Note: Words are power tools, use them to achieve your goals
Machiavelli said it best: a good person is ruined among the many who are not good. Don’t be naive. Be honorable, but speak with power and when necessary, a calibrated power move can be useful against manipulators.
2. Do Not Take Anything Personally
During our domestication we learn to take everything personally, says Ruiz.
Everything is about “me, me, me”.
Instead, he proposes that we must learn to become less reactive and more detached.
Because what others say is not a reality, it’s a projection of who they are, says Ruiz.
And if it hurts you, it’s not them who hurt you, it’s you who has a wound.
When you take it personally, you are admitting you believe in it.
Only when you take it personally it becomes true. When you take something personally you “take ownership” of that thought and at that point, it does become yours.
Comments are a reflection of the commentator’s reality, not yours
TPM Note: “Emotional Detachment vs. Strategic Response.”
You don’t let the comment hurt your feelings (internal), but you must handle the social challenge (external) to maintain your frame.
3. Do Not Make Assumptions
Ruiz says we make assumptions when we believe we know what others are thinking.
But we don’t and we only project our own beliefs onto others.
Unluckily we have a tendency to make assumptions on the negative side though.
We often jump to negative conclusions because we are afraid of a negative judgment, so it’s our way to “hit first” and shield our ego from the pain of rejection.
This often leads to useless arguments that needn’t need to happen in the first place -as Crucial Conversations also acknowledges-. Stop assuming you know and ask instead.
And even when you’re of different opinions, similar to Dale Carnegie, the author also recommends you avoid arguing to be right and respect other people’s point of view instead.
TPM Note: Evolution designed us to make assumptions for survival. Valid assumptions beat naive openness. A
And as for everything, remember the law of optimum balance:
4. Always Do Your Best
This is my very favorite agreement and it can be a very empowering mindset for ambitious men.
Ruiz says doing your best, regardless of quality, is the only thing you must ask of yourself.
You only ask of yourself to do your best given the conditions of the environment and of yourself.
That means that, in some conditions, your best might very poor. Or very poor even compared to your previous actions.
And that’s great because you don’t demand success or perfection.
Doing your best also delinks the action from the reward. It means that you come to enjoy the action without expecting any external prize.
And that’s when you reach full outcome independence.
When you demand your best with full outcome independence, you will also avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.
The Fourth Agreement allows you to practice and make all the other agreements become a habit.
Enjoy the path and the destination will take care of itself
5. Breaking Old Agreements
Ruiz says that to break old agreements holding us back we have a few options:
- Attack the fears one by one
- Stop feeding the fear by stopping to feel the emotion
- Symbolical death to kill the parasite within us
- Do it “even if”
The example for the latter is the parents who told a girl she was a bad singer. She would then tell herself: “fine. I will sing anyway”.
The Angels of Death: Accept Mortality to Enjoy Life
The author says death teaches us how to live.
Imagine you had one week to live. Wouldn’t you want to live life the way you wanted it? No more would you live to appease others, afraid of what they might think.
We agree with this, also read:
CONS
The Four Agreements at times crosses into naive self-help.
I highly recommend you read this article:
- “Don’t Make Assumption” Means Little
While “do your best” can be powerful, “Don’t Make Assumptions” is meaningless.
We all need assumptions to live, and assumptions are only wrong if taken to an extreme, and if they are wrong assumptions.
- Say What You Mean Or Avoid Speaking Against Others?
In “be impeccable with your word” the author recommends both being true to yourself and not saying anything mean.
But the two can be antithetical.
Sometimes being frank and honest -being yourself- can mean saying something bad about someone.
- Indoctrination is Overblown: nature and genes do matter
The author blames “society’s indoctrination” on several crucial issues.
I disagree and I strongly doubt it’s all because of culture as Ruiz implies (also read “The Blank Slate“).
Is Don Miguel Ruiz Legit?
I’ll be frank, as it’s my usual style, and I will not mince words.
And no, I don’t think Don Miguel Ruiz is a legit author because he shows no evidence, and because I have seen no unique insights.
I believe this “Toltec wisdom” angle is woo-woo marketing concocted to sell.
It leverages the human’s tendency to associate “ancient wisdom” with “mystical” and “eternal truth”.
Basically, so-called “non-religious” people seek their religious fix in “ancient wisdom” instead of using God’s church.
That being said, the actual message, no matter whether it comes from the Aztecs or from the author, is not BS in itself.
As a matter of fact, some of the content is both solid and deep.
Review
The Four Agreements is an OK book with some good ideas and reminders, but ultimately fails to provide any systemic approach to either spiritual enlightenment or self-development.
The “ancient Toltec wisdom” packaging seems like marketing fluff, and at times it’s challenging to look past.
All in all, The Four Agreements makes for a pleasant read and it’s an OK book, but you may want to prioritize something else for your self-development.
Check the Top resources for ambitious men.
The Four Agreements Summary: Wisdom or Woo-Woo?
The Four Agreements (1997) is a spiritual book in which author Don Miguel Ruiz teaches to overcome societal indoctrination to reach true happiness and self-fulfillment.
URL: https://thepowermoves.com/the-four-agreements-summary-review/
Author: Lucio Buffalmano
2.7
