By RICanuck

There has been a lot of news on the gay marriage front lately. Chick-Fil-A, the State of Washington voting on legalizing gay marriage, and an email I received this morning from the National Organization for Marriage to eat at Chick-Fil-A on August 1st. I have also been reading a lot of manosphere material on the red pill, marriage (straight), and the differences between men and women, and everything just coalesced in my mind. Also during Mass this morning, the general intercession asked for prayers for those suffering from ‘sex addiction’. I write this post with a modest proposal that Christian men may bring into the gay marriage debate. Coherent critiques are invited. I do not want to hear theological criticisms, nor threats of hellfire and damnation. This is a prudential and political proposal.

This column has been broken down into a number of headings with explanatory information before getting to the proposal and the potential backlash.

The Current State of Straight Marriage

  • No Fault Divorce:
    • Marriage is now the only institution or contract that may be unilaterally broken without legal remedy available to hold the violator responsible for the tangible and intangible losses involved. Being North Americans, almost all of us know some man who has been figuratively raped and eviscerated by divorce. Anyone who reads manosphere blogs knows of this. This is scaring many Gen X and Y men from marriage, leading to plaintive laments of, “Where have the good men gone?”
  • Demonization of Male Sexuality:
    • Rollo Tomassi’s most recent post describes in secular terms how male sexuality is demonized today. He uses the word ‘pathologizing’, to keep the post in a neutral secular frame. This post may be found here: http://rationalmale.wordpress.com/2012/07/27/pathologizing-the-male-sexual-response/#comments. Dalrock has also written several posts describing this demonization especially in context of the movie ‘Fireproof’. See: http://dalrock.wordpress.com/2011/11/08/warn-men-beware-christian-marriage-doublespeak-and-hair-trigger-for-wife-initiated-divorce/. The pretext of the movie is that a wife can sexually deprive her husband of sex, but if he then looks at on-line porn he is committing adultery, and she is free to pursue other men.
    • This demonization has lead to Marital Rape laws. Prior to the 80’s a husband could not be accused of raping his wife, because she had given consent during the wedding. This did not legally excuse assault if she really put a fight. Marital Rape laws leave a sword of Damocles hanging over a husband’s head. Oz Conservative reported a case of an 80 something man who was accused of marital rape in 1963 by his ex-wife. The courts in Australia allowed the case to go forward. I heard a couple of years ago about a 70 something man charged with rape, in that he had intercourse, in a nursing home, with his wife who suffered dementia. Now a functional 70 something man is outnumbered by 70 something women. If he just wanted sex, I am sure he could have found a willing partner. But he wanted his wife. Remaining faithful to and in love with your wife has been criminalized.
    • I have elaborated more on male sexuality because it is seldom mentioned in the context of law and public policy.

Glossary:

It is politically incorrect to refer to the wisdom of ‘dead white males’, but Confucius considered the proper use of words to be the basis a good order and harmony. So far as I know I am the only one to describe the following groups of people with this terminology, and I will continue to use the words as defined later in the post. I have had gay marriage discussions with both types of people.

  • Subversives – I am referring to the gay marriage advocates who want to use gay marriage to subvert the ‘pale-penis-person-patriarchy’.
  • Sinceres – These people are those who honestly feel that they know a same sex someone, or hope to know a same sex someone, whom they would like to spend the rest of lives with. Based on the above state of straight marriage, we conservative Christians actually share some common ground with the Sinceres. A very narrow common ground, and an uncomfortable common ground, but nevertheless, there is common ground.

Gay Marriage – Pros and Cons

Cons:

  • Allowing gay marriage is bound to produce unforeseen consequences. The Subversives are hoping for it.
  • Gay marriage will weaken the arguments against polygamy. I don’t worry too much about the breakaway Mormons or the Muslims. The rich and powerful will be able to build open harems, and the increase in the number of frustrated and marginalized young men will not be a good thing. Look at the inner cities where a few thugs and gangstas impregnate many women, and the decent young men are not incentivized to work hard or start a business.

Pros:

  • I have friends and relatives in Ontario and Massachusetts both of which recognize gay marriage. Family Law is gradually and marginally moving towards gender neutrality.
    • I have a son in Ontario whose friend was denied access to his children, so he went back to court. The judge issued an order stating that in any month that access was denied, the following month’s support payment would be reduced by a hefty percentage. Correlation is not causation, but this was unheard of prior to gay marriage. I’ve also heard that family courts sometime find that women are perpetrators of emotional cruelty.
    • Shortly after gay marriage became legal in Massachusetts, I was speaking with a Sincere co-worker, and warned him about Massachusetts’s family law, in that if he married a guy paying alimony or child support, his income as well as his spouse’s would be considered in setting support levels, and if his spouse suffered a loss of income, he would be on the hook for it. He found it hard to believe that Family Law could be so anti-family. Well, the gays and divorced men are agitating for Mass. alimony reform. I hope they succeed.

The Culture War Proposal for Gay Marriage

Firstly, Christian agitation against gay marriage seldom considers the devastating effects of no fault divorce and marital rape laws have already had on straight marriage. We Christians seldom blame ourselves for the present state of marriage. Dalrock, Christian Men’s Defense Network, Feminism is Empathological, and other blogs contain many posts of how prominent Christian’s actively work against a restoration of traditional marriage.

The defunct blog, In Mala Fide, once had a post at the beginning of 2011 of how the New York state legislature became the last to allow no fault divorce. Later in 2011 the same legislature passed gay marriage. The Catholic bishops of New York agitated against gay marriage, but their silence was deafening on the no fault divorce issue. In terms of culture war leadership the Catholic bishops are useless.

It is up to us Christian men (says he who is writing under a pseudonym), to speak out and strike hard for a restoration of marriage.

  1. No to Civil Unions – Civil unions are a wussy compromise that just clear the way for the courts to mandate gay marriage at some future date. The legislators will then say, “We had no choice.” Civil unions also blur the distinction between married and not-married. Marriage has taken enough of a beating that we should not cede any ground whatsoever to the Subversives. Civil unions are also a slap in the face to the Sinceres.
  2. Embrace Gay Marriage – Gay marriage advocates couch their demands in such sweet sounding terms, like equality, lifetime commitment, and love. The Sinceres mean it, the Subversives do not. Let us hold them to their words and support gay marriage provided it is accompanied by the repeal of no fault divorce and the repeal of marital rape laws. If gay marriage is implemented with the repeal of no fault divorce and marital rape laws, I say, “Embrace gay marriage. (Embracing gays is optional.)”. The heavens see the emasculation of men, the tears of the fatherless, the shame of the unmarried women that are the results of no fault divorce. Let us leverage gay marriage to slay that beast.

Options in activism:

  • When asked to sign an anti-gay marriage petition, see if it includes the repeal of no fault divorce and marital rape. If not, do not sign and make your position known. Do not back down. No fault divorce is the destruction of a covenant and a blasphemy. Marital rape laws are a denial of the first command given to Adam and Eve, and a denial of male nature as created by God so man and woman could complement each other and be one flesh. We Christian men cannot rely upon willful ignorance to save us when we stand before the throne of judgement.
  • When asked to sign a pro-gay marriage petition do likewise as above.
  • When gay marriage legislation comes to your state, write to you state legislators with the above proposals in your own words. Back in the days of snail mail, one letter was considered to represent about 100 people who felt similarly. One email still represents 20 to 50 people with the same opinion.

The Backlash

This proposal will produce a backlash. I have listed the sources of backlash, from least dangerous to a marriage restoration to the most dangerous.

  • Sinceres – The Sinceres will experience cognitive dissonance encountering a conservative Christian who supports gay marriage for cultural and political reasons. They will have trouble believing us. Explain how putrid family law really is and that we need their help.
  • Legislators – Legislators will not oppose this en masse, but will be terrified of staking out a position for or against. Individual legislators do not deserve unearned respect, but the office does. Be polite and persistent.
  • Subversives – The Subversives will be angry that we are taking their rhetoric at face value. Demand to know if they really believe that gays cannot commit to lifelong faithful marriage.
  • Feminists – The feminists will shriek, that a lot of their anti-family achievements will be undone. Demand what they have against gays that they do not believe gays can commit to lifelong faithful marriage.
  • Christians - Most Christians will oppose this proposal. There is a great personal investment in opposing gay marriage, and a strong unwillingness to acknowledge Christian complacency in the destruction of family life. I have just started to acknowledge my own complicity. Ask them to defend no fault divorce and marital rape laws. Both have done far more damage to society than gay marriage ever will. Which is their priority?
  • Women – Women tend to go along with the status quo. Stand strong and do not back down. You will face shit test after shit test. We men must show leadership. If we can learn nothing else from Roissy and Athol Kay, we should learn that women are more likely to follow a confident man.

RICanuck is a 50 something ex-pat Canadian living in New England.