Is This Really What Men Want?

The March 2010 Maxim cover: Is this what men want? Really?

Do men want a saggy-lipped, droopy-eyed, floppy-boobed bimbo like this?

Kaley Cuoco looked much better on the sitcom, The Big Bang Theory, where several super nerds worship the ground she walks on for no other reason than her perky breasts, ample makeup, supple flesh, and propensity for exposing said flesh as much as possible.

Here’s an example of her portrayal on the show:

Contrast this photo with the Maxim cover and you’ll notice a key difference: makeup. Why Maxim didn’t apply more makeup to this Courtney Love lookalike I’ll never know. As it is, her photos in Maxim are rather unpalatable, at least to me.

Ms. Kaley plays Penny, a young blonde who somehow manages to pay for her own apartment on a waitress’s salary whilst four graduate and doctoral students have to share an apartment across the hall. Penny is a caricature of modern Feminist Woman: dimwitted, slutty, shallow, begging for attention and entitlements, prevailing due to the support and undeserved subservience of beta males.

Ms. Kaley apparently does not have to stretch her acting “skills” very much to play Penny. I know the only reason Maxim articles exist in conjunction with photo shoots is to allow beta males the opportunity to feel they are bonding with what they perceive to be a “bombshell”, but let’s examine a few quotes from the Maxim article anyhow.

Maxim: Does being a bad driver mean you’ve been in a lot of accidents?

Ms. Kaley: I’ve had so many, I can’t event count. Just yesterday I was driving along, and all of a sudden I hear this loud sound. I was like, “Oh, my God! What was that?” I totally knocked someone’s mirror off their van.

Maxim: Whoops.

Ms. Kaley: I did leave a note – I was very proud of myself. It said, “Hi! Sorry! Broke your mirror! Call this number…”

Maxim: You gave them your number?

Ms. Kaley: Ha, well, it was my lawyer’s number. Another time I was driving a Vespa in the Dominican republic with my Big Bang cast mate Johnny Galecki on the back like a little bitch. I ran us right into the wall, and he went flying. I almost killed Johnny Galecki. I’m dead serious.

Men’s car insurance rates skyrocket while dizzy blondes like Ms. Kaley parade around callously, nearly killing the poor emasculated schmucks they associate with. Fact: Women have more accidents per mile driven than men.

Maxim: Do you prefer dating older guys?

Ms. Kaley: I’ve always dated older guys. I still do – I’m very attracted to older men, never anyone my age. I always felt, even in my teens, that guys my age were just so dumb, young, and immature. Guys are just a little behind girls.

Because guys, unlike Kaley with her propensity for running into parked vehicles and solid walls, are SO immature.

Maxim: Have you ever had an unrequited crush?

Ms. Kaley: I’m sorry, but I usually get what I want. When I go for something, there’s nothing that stops me. Nothing.

Sorry Ms. Kaley, but I’d stop you. I can do better.

Ms. Kaley: There was one extra who was kind of eyeing me, and Johnny was like, “We have to have him removed!” I’m like, “What’s wrong with him looking at me?”

As you can see, her fellow cast members are classic beta male “protectors”.

Ms. Kaley: I went to American Apparel and bought hot pink shorts, a teeny-tiny hot pink tank top, pink knee socks, hot pink Converse, and a headband. I haven’t lost a game [of Ping-Pong] since I put that outfit on. I’ve got my boobs hanging out and legs showing. The guys cannot even concentrate.

Classy. At least she understands where her worth lies.

I just hope more guys see through the cosmetics girls like Ms. Kaley hide behind. I hope guys realize that feigned beauty ain’t everything, that flakiness is not appealing, that taking advantage of pervasive women’s privilege is not independence.

And that women like Ms. Kaley are worthy only of scorn and aversion.