In an astonishing deviation from the standard popular discourse on marriage, TV writer Tracy McMillan (Mad Men, United States of Tara) spells out exactly why so many women are unlucky in love. The reasons she enumerates are quite harsh, but maybe a dose of bitter medicine is just what American women need these days.

Here’s the list:

1. You’re a Bitch.

2. You’re Shallow.

3. You’re a Slut.

4. You’re a Liar.

5. You’re Selfish.

6. You’re Not Good Enough.

Of course, she goes to some length to explain these terms in a fairly sympathetic manner, but there’s really not much dancing around the issue. Ms. McMillan is one of those remarkable women with a talent for dishing out the straight dope.

For example, under “You’re Shallow,” she takes women to task for lacking in character:

When it comes to choosing a husband, only one thing really, truly matters: character. So it stands to reason that a man’s character should be at the top of the list of things you are looking for, right?

[...]

Instead, you are looking for someone tall. Or rich. Or someone who knows what an Eames chair is. Unfortunately, this is not the thinking of a wife. This is the thinking of a teenaged girl. And men of character do not want to marry teenaged girls. Because teenage girls are never happy. And they never feel like cooking, either.

Ouch!

Her article is worth a full read, so I’m not going to give too much away, but she hits on some of our points here at The Spearhead so closely I’ve got to wonder whether people are actually starting to catch on.

The following passage, for example, echoes the theme of my “Stop Looking for a Wife” post from last fall so closely it’s uncanny:

Because ultimately, marriage is not about getting something — it’s about giving it. Strangely, men understand this more than we do. Probably because for them marriage involves sacrificing their most treasured possession — a free-agent penis — and for us, it’s the culmination of a princess fantasy so universal, it built Disneyland.

I’ve got to give Ms. McMillan credit for saying it in a manner and venue that will actually catch women’s attention. Honestly, I can’t say I’ve seen a woman put it in plainer English in my life.