[Today's guest post written by Zammo]
Being single means treading the murky waters of online dating once more. I’ve used online dating in the past and it worked pretty well.
Of course, I’m not chasing girls, I’m chasing women over 35. But the fundamentals are still pretty true in the whole dating and relationship game, even if online. For men who have pretty much given up on woman and the entire relationship game, that’s perfectly reasonable. This is in no way a recommendation for online dating or pursuing women. For the rest of us, knowing how to exploit online dating can be important.
I’m using Plenty of Fish (PoF), a free online dating website. As I live in a very large metropolitan area, my options are quite large. If you live in a smaller town, online dating may not work. The biggest problem with PoF is that it’s free so women can merely dabble in it to get their attention fix or bide their time to switch to the next relationship. All online dating causes a false sense of abundance. There’s always another guy who just might be a bigger, better deal. I can deal with this and always keep my own eyes out for the bigger, better deal. Whatever games that women play online, I match them.
There is another problem with online dating – people tend to say what they are expected to say. The woman who claims she’s “looking for a nice guy” is simply parroting back what she has heard in all the TV talk shows, Oprah, and various women’s magazines. What women doesn’t want a nice guy? It turns out, most women don’t want a nice guy. They do, however, want to be rescued. Lots of profiles mention the “knight in shining armor” or “Prince Charming”.
It’s quite clear that far too many women are victims of emotional pornography. They actually believe that dating and relationships should resemble the wildly unrealistic fiction of romantic comedy movies, Sex and the City, Cosmopolitan Magazine, Oprah, etc. There is the constant mention of “chemistry”. This is merely woman-speak for “vagina tingle”. Women still want to be swept off their feet into the arms of an alpha provider/protector and into a life of decorating, shopping, and ease.
Underneath all the social bullshit expressed in words, women want confidence over sensitivity. That want the successful alpha male with a strong backbone, emotional strength, and yes, some douchebag behavior. This goes way back in our evolution when we were running around the plains chasing mastodons with pointed sticks in an attempt to prepare dinner back at the split-level cave. The successful hunter got the women because he’s the one with dinner. The poor fucker who couldn’t toss a spear got to eat roots and berries and watch the better spear hurler have sex with the women. The fundamentals of this still hold quite true. Even today, women mostly insist on dating guys taller than themselves just like guys like dating women who have a pronounced feminine form and are usually younger than them. It’s biology, no point fighting it.
Online dating is mostly a numbers game. Women will reject a man for quite a few reasons simply based on a photo and a few brief words. It’s important to keep things organized. If there are quite a women who fit my requirements, I keep a spreadsheet of whom I have contacted and the response (if any).
The process goes something like this –
1. I peruse photos and profiles looking for some specific attributes of a potential date – attractiveness (to me) in face and body, family situation (I prefer women without kids or with kids out of the house), geography (no more than about 50 miles away), intelligence (good with words), etc. At this point, I mark the woman as a favorite so she knows I have an interest.
2. I send a brief message with mentioning something in their profile and invite them to read mine. This is the frustrating and time consuming part. Shotgun emails simply don’t work unless you’re a really good looking guy. Crafting a good opening message is not easy. My messages have the profile-specific response at the top. I try to find something in the woman’s profile that I can respond to. While I only need two or three sentences, it requires reading the profile fairly carefully. Do not compliment a woman’s photographic appearance with more than a few words. It’s far better to mildly compliment her words, her pets, her outfit, whatever.
As an aside, here is what I have learned about key phrases that women use in their profiles –
No players – I am attracted to players.
No games – No man who plays better games than me.
No drama – I am a drama queen and don’t need the competition
Looking for a good/nice guy – Still looking for an alpha but might accept a beta if he’s affluent enough
Prince Charming/Knight in shining armor wanted – hopeless romantic and borderline gold digger.
Make me laugh – Keep me entertained as my personal court jester.
My partying days are over – 30-something former party girl with a bad case of baby rabies
Shopping as a hobby – gold digger
Real Man Wanted – she likes the BadBoys
Where are all the real men/nice guys? – worst of the worst… she’s a former party girl, current gold digger, and incapable of understanding that her dating net worth is lousy.
I’m a real woman – I’m fat with a bad attitude
Friends first/looking for my best friend – I want the option to reject you first or put you in the FriendZone while I date other guys
Family is important to me – my kids, my parents, my aunts and uncles and cousins, my very distant and never-seen relatives will always come before you
A word about single moms: they present a scheduling problem more than anything else. Their child visitation schedule will dictate their dating schedule. This can work in your favor. It can be quite easy to juggle several single moms by knowing their child visitation schedule. As well, single moms are usually more willing to share you as long as you don’t make it obvious that you’re dating other women.
Once I send a message, here are the typical reactions –
1. My message is deleted without being read. They saw my profile and said “ewwww, as if”.
2. My message is read and then deleted. They saw my message, my profile, and said “not my type”.
3. My message is read and not deleted. They saw my message, my profile, and said “not my type” and had the manners to not delete my message. It’s a polite form of rejection.
4. They send a polite “no thanks, but good luck” message.
5. They send a “I’m intrigued, tell me more” message.
Of those five possible options, fewer than 1 in 50 will result in the “I’m intrigued message”. This is life and I accept it. That’s why I send out a lot of messages and have become completely immune to rejection. It is extremely important to have a very thick skin. Women can and do reject men for the most ridiculous of reasons. If I get no response or a negative one, I delete the woman from my favorites list and never, ever contact them again even if they contact me.
Once a woman responds favorably, some Game strategies kick in –
1. Don’t spend valuable time messaging back and forth or chatting online. The purpose of online dating is to meet women in person. Three messages and/or 10 minutes chatting online is quite sufficient to move on to a first date.
2. Never respond immediately. Wait at least 24 hours between messages. You’re busy and they need to know that. This also implies you are dating other women. This provides you with some valuable social proofing.
3. Escalate but be extremely cautious about any direct sexual connotations. Every woman wants to be perceived as a “nice girl” even though they are hoping to be fucked senseless on the first date. The sexual element of dating is always implied so being direct about it is a needless risk.
4. Be confident with your online messaging. If she asks, “what are you doing this week?” as a friendly query, answer with Going out with you” If she stops communicating at that point, tough shit, move on. If she responds with anything other than a “no”, she’s impressed with your confidence. If she does say no without a counter, move the fuck on.
5. Never, ever ask to go out, state it. “It’s time for us to meet so we’re going out this Friday.” If she dodges and doesn’t counter with another time, she’s not that into you so be prepared to move on quickly. In fact, you should have at least three other prospects you’re working concurrently.
6. Like in real life, women flake online constantly. You might be having a correspondence and suddenly, poof!… she stops writing. Or, something in your words made her reject you. Remember that women are incredible fickle and the wrong word or phrase will stop them dead. Don’t overthink what happened, move the fuck on.
7. Don’t have “oneitis”. The woman you are corresponding with has at least six guys she’s corresponding with or have already started dating.
As for your own profile, having a good photo is crucial. Women online are extremely visual. They will look at a photo and make a judgment in a nanosecond. In the text portion of the profile, use strong and confident words that highlight your independent and masculine nature. Women loathe sensitive, emotionally accessible guys even if they state that is what they are seeking.
The final point is that it’s highly unlikely to find a woman of quality through online dating. The vast majority of women still value themselves far too much to be a suitable, long term romantic partner. Their solipsistic nature means they are incapable of understanding they must bring something to the table other than their vaginas and tits. I simply use online dating to yield some sexy time and learn more about women so I can share it with other men.
Some of my observations from online dating experiences over the years –
1. Fat is the new average when a woman describes her body type. Even an “athletic” figure may be 20 pounds overweight. This is the disappointing reality now.
2. Everyone lies about their age, especially after 40. Men lie by about 2 years, women by about 5 years.
3. Photos are misleading. If not explicitly stated, “photos are recent”, expect pictures that are several years old. If fact, I have seen completely false photos.
4. Any woman who describes herself as a princess, diva, queen, sassy, strong – and doesn’t explicitly state that she will treat her man like a prince or a king – is only good for humping and dumping.
5. Attractive women get bombarded with messages. It’s easy for them to say “next, next, next…”
6. Women still expected to be pursued. Unless you’re a savagely good looking guy with major money, the men send the messages, the women do the rejecting.
7. Many women will put up a few photos and almost nothing in the text part of the profile. This means they only value their looks and will use any responses from guys like a catalog from which to select their next date.
8. Photos of faces without bodies (even if they claim to have an athletic figure) means that the woman is fat.
9. Women continue to over value their worth.
