I'm at rock bottom. My unemployment just ran out and I have about 6 weeks until I'm 100% broke, unable to afford my rent or bills. I am also 6'1" and 130lbs and have been dead skinny for my entire life.

My phone was cut off so the jobs I applied for probably can't/won't contact me via email. I have about 10lbs of rice and 5lbs of beans stored that I can probably stretch out to last me two months. I can't afford a gym membership and I have almost no equipment at home (one 20lbs dumbbell and a 50lbs barbell).

I've been smoking weed (that I can't afford) and playing video games for the past 3 months. All day every day. In the last few days I've forced myself to stop after reading Letters To A Stoic and learning about living virtuously, denying vices and living a life according to nature. Quitting weed caused terrible insomnia but I don't mind - I'm teaching myself to see struggle as a lesson.

I can't even afford a haircut. I look like an actual crackhead - dirty beard, dirty (probably smelly) clothes, long unkempt hair and near-zero muscle mass.

My biggest problem is that I cannot commit to anything. I am ashamed to say that I found TRP over a year ago and have put little to use. A 4 month stint of lifting, bulking and approaching had me confident and excited about life, but then I was laid off (or softly fired..) from my government job and essentially given income for 8 months without any work being required. So I slipped back into a routine of comfort and immediate gratification.

I want to go into monk mode. I want to fix the obvious issues I currently have - no money, near-homeless and way too skinny/weak. I just don't know where to start. I was thinking of printing out resumes and approaching small business owners with complete honesty about my situation. "I am in a bad spot right now and doing my best to work my way out. I have no phone at the moment, but I answer emails promptly and if you'd like can return in a few days to follow up" but then I imagine myself as a business owner and realize that I would never hire someone that immediately spews a sob story when applying.

I'm not after pity and I'm not a victim of anything except my own stupid choices. I have a strong desire to improve, but I honestly don't know where to start. I wish my dad or brother would shake me and say WTF ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR LIFE? but they don't. No one calls me out on my stupid, childish behavior. No one. Please, tear me to shreds.

How does one go into hardcore monk mode with 0$, no income, no phone and debt? Have you struggled with consistency while setting goals, and how did you overcome it?

To improve so far I:
- quit weed
- quit video games
- quit jerking off
- Cut out processed sugar (not hard when you don't have a choice)
- Started a simple bodyweight routine at home (+ using the 50lbs barbell) I know my gains will be extremely minimal but some is better than none. I am so weak right now that my wrists get tired when I wash my hair in the shower.
- Spend a few hours in the sunlight everyday (or whenever possible)
- Read every day (usually outside)
- Apply for jobs every day, as well as look for freelance writing jobs (Made $110 in 2 months doing this..)

What I want to do:
- Get a gym membership so I can actually make real gains
- Get a stable income source and save/invest it wisely
- Go to university
- Weigh more than 150lbs for the first time in my life
- Buy a car (I've never had one, always been a ride whore or bus bitch)
- Get laid. It's been over a year.
- Have purpose in my life instead of wandering from one vice to another
- Embrace stoicism entirely

Please tear me a new one. I contemplated writing this for the last few days and stopped myself several times. I hate these posts, and am sorry for contributing to the blue pill bullshit, but I'm putting faith in the fact that almost all of you are in a better position than I am and can probably provide some advice.