Sup Bros

this is a bit long but please bear with me.

first of all i need a mod, i submitted this into the red pill forum and switched devices and logged out and un saved my password. forgot it. its been a while. it needs deleting in the other forum. sorry and thanks.

back to it....

Need brutally honest opinions. Dont hold back. Tell me straight.

OK here goes ....

Former fatty. 20 stone at 12 years old. Lost it all. You'd never know it looking at me now. Good weight now, slowly getting into shape. No stable Job. Always temporary. Working on it.

Had 1 ltr 2 years and am in one now coming up to 2 years again.

There were red flags from the start. I showed her my moral "good side" when i told her ex i kissed her and she outright banged another different mate. We weren't official, but damn I liked the girl and it pissed me off. put my foot down. grew a backbone temporarily and all of a sudden she was 'falling' for me.

It seemed like AF/bb manifested right in front of my eyes and I was on the shitty side of it.

I upped my game and got with her cos I'm a dumbass.

I tell myself I'm just with her to learn about women in general, but I have one itis for this girl lol

I'm a bit more of an asshole now and have to play these damn power games but I can't detach myself from her.

To the outside world were a great couple. I mean she has many good qualities.

Shes hot, seductive, very laid back, cooks, cleans, is clean, works, independent, rarely drinks, doesnt smoke and doesn't do drugs. Buys me shit. Takes me out. Lends me money. Helps me with expenses. And is kinky as hell in bed. Has no fb, Twitter or IG. only WhatsApp. she definitely puts alot into this relationship.

Seems like a keeper...but Im just constantly paranoid and obssessed with her instead of fixing my own life.

I feel like a dog on a leash. Under her control. Paranoid about her manipulating me and gas lighting me.

I cause drama cos I'm an idiot. Turned down opportunities to cheat. I can't manage my emotions and don't have my shit together.

I wonder if I'm better off breaking it off and focusing on myself..this girl seems soooo good for me and has improved my life and invested time money and feelings into me. ive seen her dark side but shes also been good to me and for me.

I just can't shake this feeling that things are not what they seem and im looking for the bad in her all the time.

Shes openly texted work mates and flirts with colleagues and boss. This is what I see and know..who knows what happens that I'm not aware of.

tbh i was probably always the bb idiot and i wanna spit this red pill out right now.. but i will get through this bitterness

Am I a piece of shit who's ruining a good thing and needs to step up or should I listen to this paranoia telling me I'm her emotional BB until shes had enough and branch swings?

What's your opinion? And ask me anything... Cheers guys