I was reading in a certain wedding planning subreddit and came across this heavily upvoted post. Copied below because I don't want to cross post and get banned from there lol. Very pretentious so proceed with caution. The title is "iS iT oKaY tHaT I dOnt wanT to cHangE my nAMe?!?!" and then the body of the post is a freaking novel on why women shouldnt change their names and why doing so means you're nothing more than an object owned by your husband. Clearly not a genuine question but a validation post for being such a good feminist!

OP then proceeds to s*** all over women who do want to follow tradition? And literally say that we are "marked by our status as only a wife, rather than a whole complete individual." And we're all just poor brainless morons who've never had the idea to QUESTION WHY we follow tradition, unlike herself of course because she's just so deep (and they call us pick-me's?!)

So this is totally fine, sh*tting all over NOT only the choices but the very identities of women who do take their husbands name, because why? Imagine if you posted about how making up a new name with your spouse (like the Jacobsmiths or even worse becoming the Potters/Everdeens) is nothing but self-centered narcissism and disrespects the centuries of family history that had to take place for you to even exist? Famine and war and plague and struggle all for your great-great-great-great grandchildren to decide they would rather be the "McAwesome"s?

Usually I'm not so ranty but this really bothers me. Delete if not allowed. Original post copied below

Help - Getting married, love him deeply but...I don't want to change my name. How to not offend, how to be understood?

I'll preface this by saying, I’m posting in hopes of affirmation or at the least knowing that I am not alone in this feeling. Please be gentle as this is such a sensitive topic.

To start, let me give you some context. I (female) am recently engaged (heterosexual relationship), planning a wedding for next year. We have been together for 5 years. We’re both in our late 20’s and grew up in the same deeply conservative (politically and religiously-speaking) area in the US, although have since moved across our state.

I love my fiancé dearly and am so eager to build a life together! Yet, for a variety of reasons, I don’t want to change my last name.

I know it’s tradition, but I’ve always been a person to ask the “why” behind traditions. I don’t believe in blind tradition, personally. I don’t want to change my last name because I don’t want to lose my identity. I already have a name, one that I am known by personally and professionally. One that connects me to my heritage and my upbringing, my family, my roots. I am me, full and whole already. Why is it that I’m expected to happily and giddily shed my identity and take on my husband’s? It feels icky to me...I’m not a car changing hands and needing a title change to make it official. It makes me feel like property. It marks me chiefly as a wife to my husband, rather than a whole, complete individual in myself. It feels like branding, proof of ownership. I want to be equal, not under anyone. It makes me feel belittled and owned. It makes me feel powerless and devalued. It feels like a complete erasure of who I am - every public record, all my personal legal documents. Even my future children would bear no remnant of my family or my heritage. I don’t want to be erased! I want to be viewed as an equal. Why do I have to change my name to show my love and the man I’m going to marry doesn’t have to reciprocate that? Why does the man get to keep his identity, continue being himself, and we as women have to change ours. Why can’t I continue to just be me, as he is permitted to? Why do I need to take on someone else’s identity to be respected?

Let me be clear, in no way do my conflicted feelings about changing my name reflect my deep love for my fiancé or my desire to be with him, but it’s hard to explain to him and hard for him to understand. I said yes because I want to marry him and spend my life with him. I didn’t even want a ring and I told him that… I don’t need to be purchased or shown that I’m loved “this many dollars worth.” I can’t wait until this diamond tradition dies. What a waste of money. I don’t want the question to be asked at my wedding, “Who gives this woman?” because I am not an object or possession that can be given, owned by anyone else but myself. I am not to be given. I, myself, choose to marry this person and that’s all that matters.

I know many women decide to change their names so that they will have the same names as their kids have. But have we ever questioned that tradition either? Why do children only take the father’s name? Doesn’t the woman shape that child’s life just as much, if not more oftentimes? Didn’t she carry that child, sacrificing her body, health, comfort, and sometimes job to bring that child into the world? Doesn’t she deserve some honor and recognition? Could we imagine a future where children carry both names. In many other cultures around the globe, children take both the father’s and mother’s last names because they came from both, not just the father.

The other piece of the puzzle is that we were raised in a deeply conservative area. My family is strictly and legalistically religious - the kind that says wives should be quiet and submissive and that the man is the head of the family, the one who leads and makes decisions. The kind that says women cannot be in any position of leadership, the kind that says women cannot teach men. Not taking my future husband’s name is egregious in their eyes, as it would be openly defying God’s commands to submit to my husband, and therefore defying God’s authority. I have tried to share my feelings with some people to get their advice and/or perspective and it never goes over well. I feel deeply that I should not change my name - that is what keeps my self-worth and conscience intact. Yet I know that by doing so, I will face incredible public shaming from my family and community on their Biblical grounds and deep disapproval as well.

It’s so pervasive, this whole “branding” you as married thing. What does my marital status have to do with my ability to do my job? Why am I asked if I’m a Miss or Mrs. in the workplace? No one asks men that. When will this change?

Names are deeply intertwined with identity. I want to keep my own last name because it is who I am, it’s my identity! It is my connection to my history, to everything that made me me. I don’t want to be erased...I just want to keep being me. I want to make the decision that honors my humanity, my identity, the decision I know I wouldn’t regret, the decision I feel deep within me is the right one for me."