This is my second wife, I am her 3rd husband. We have no kids at all. We've been married 9 years. She is on disability & pain meds + psyche meds. She has a couple of different autoimmune diseases, a failed back surgery. She is still mobile and can get around but we've been through 4 or 5 long surgeries. We haven't had any sort of physical relationship for almost 6 years. I can't even masterbate without being called a pervert. I make mid 100k a year while she makes at most 20k a year. My dad died from Covid and with the life insurance I paid off almost all her debts. We have a big house but are basically house poor. She's now brought her sister in to live with us off and on since she is dying from diabetes and kidney failure, sleeping in my living room. I am mid 40's she just turned 50. So no sex, no touching, no kissing, no hugging, nothing. The only times affection has been shown is when I have my bags packed. I have no family with no place to go not even any friends really. No place I can stay for any length of time. I've tried to leave 5-6 times in the past but end up sleeping in my car or a hotel for the night, being bombarded with phone calls and text messages. If I do retain an atty and file, she's got the upper hand here since I've provided her with an upper middle class lifestyle yet she will drag me through the mud. My last divorce cost me $100k and took 2 years. I've been pretty traumatized when it comes to divorce. The guilt is killing me to think of running out the door but I am at my wits end. Twice tonight I've had to clean up shit and puke from her sister who can't even get in the wheel chair by herself or sit up in bed. Meanwhile my wife is recovering from a surgery she had 2 weeks ago to replace her nerve stimulator. She's basically run off all my family, run off what few friends I have, is jealous beyond belief. We met in a recovery group yet she's been on pain meds for 6-7 years. She is a nurse or was a working nurse when we met but soon after we married and she was on my insurance I got talked into letting her become a stay at home wife. That's just set me up for a life of misery. She had a son who passed away a long time ago yet she has even thrown that in my face when I've tried to leave. We've been to counseling twice but both times it turned into getting ganged up on by both of them on me for damn near any infraction I've made. I stay upstairs anymore and try to hide away as much as possible. She won't do any cooking, or when she does she says I just hate her cooking so she won't anymore. Hell, I have to order uber eats myself 90% of the time because its expected. I know I am going to get hammered by any judge since she's disabled. I will probably loose 70-90% of what we make on the sale of the house. The thing is, she has all this energy to commit to a volunteer group she leads, does all the paperwork runs the meetings, organizes stuff, yet she won't even manage our bills. What's pissed me off the most is I left a coffee cup out the other day, I came down stairs to a post it note on it that said "I will not pick up after you. Clean up your damn messes." I cannot really think of any good reason to stay other than being subject to HEAVY guilt trip she lays on me. After almost 10 years, we have no savings, been living paycheck to paycheck, I'm drowning in debt of my own making. Honestly, I often think about ending more than just my marriage. I was fit and healthy when we met, I was doing triathlons, eating right, making great money, best sex of my life with 2 different no strings girlfriends and then I ran into this nightmare. I am not attracted to her in any way shape or form anymore. Sure, we have a good laugh every now and then but honestly I am just a roommate, a checkbook and an insurance card to her. That's what I've felt like probably for 7-8 years. I don't know how to live with the guilt I'd feel though leaving her. I think about it every morning I get up. I used to get angry, I used to feel sad, now I am just dead inside. I have no hope that any of this will get better for me. Now with her moving her sister in, and becoming a double caretaker for the time being, I absolutely want to escape. I want to jettison myself out of this life. I don't care what I loose, or really where I go. I have about $15k worth of crypto mining equipment I've built up over the past year and I may just liquidate that to pay 6 mos on an studio apt and hire a lawyer. I have a great job and earn a good salary but I'd be willing to bet she will screw me out of everything she can. Gotta go her sister just crapped the bed again tonight.