Hi, I (24f) used to be a whore. I don't necessarily view myself as such but facts say otherwise. From age 14 I started drinking, at 16 I started doing drugs. At 17 I lost virginity to a guy that was not my boyfriend. Since then, I slept with 14 guys, 3 of which were my boyfriends. On top of that I performed sex related stuff with other men and women.

I had a very distorted image about love, respect, intimacy, loyalty, honesty and honor.

Since early age I had terrible self-image, but I didn't experience any abuse. I grew up in a caring and loving home. I did feel though that something is lacking from my life (as probably most of us do).

Now I am in a relationship with a wonderful man. He is very manly, strong, intelligent, intuitive, loyal and loving towards me. He has his priorities set straight and is very persistent also in hard situations. He is very attractive and knows his way with women. He could seduce other women easily.

We are very compatible and like each other a lot, so we want to stay together and work through everything.

But my past is haunting me, especially the last man I had before my current relationship. At night I often have sexual dreams about other men, and during the day I notice hypergamy, since I can feel attraction or perhaps interest in other men. Obviously I wish to cut these things off.

I told my boyfriend about everything that I did and he is trying hard to really accept it. He was the one that pulled me out of the shite I was in and opened my eyes to it. He is still working with me, leading me, he gave me countless chances and offered help whenever I needed it. He is always there for me and I can't say it for myself. We both feel I am not appreciative enough and take things for granted. He let me know, although he loves me, he is losing interest and I'm losing him.

I'm working on myself, I left or cut off my old friends and relationships. I stopped drinking and doing drugs. I try to notice what is going on in my head and feelings. Certainly I have to and can do better though.

It is the first time that I feel this way and the first time that I started learning about true love,respect, loyalty and devotion. I understand that the obstacles are in myself and this is where the change starts. My beloved thaught me so much and I used and hurt him so many times. Yet he didn't give up.

There is no excuse for what I have done, but I wish to explore it and change. I really wish such a drastic change is possible and we can create clean relationship. I feel he is the one for me and can't really imagine how life without him would continue.

I would be grateful if you have any advice, experience or thoughts on this matter.

I also feel I needed to write this and pour it out.

Thank you.