Crosspost "Is there a cure for pornsickness?" from /r/FemaleDatingStrategy:

I’ll preface by saying my questions and thoughts on this topic are more focused on the psychological effects of porn use, not the more physical (or medical) effects such as PIED. I’ll leave the latter to the doctors, of which I am not one. As I’m also not psychologist, I’m just going off my own experience here, and things I’ve read, and counter arguments are definitely welcome. I’m really hopeful to see what the rest of you in our lovely community here think about this topic!

So, as we all know, sex with a pornsick man is likely to be, at best, lackluster and unsatisfying, and at worst downright dangerous. The sheer prevalence of porn use these days, in addition to the increasing extremes that the content therein goes to to retain its audience, greatly reduces the number of baseline acceptable men in the dating pool. (I would say HVM, but the way I see it “not being pornsick” is a bare minimum standard, and doesn’t guarantee high value.) So what if there was a way to cure or overcome it? To reverse the trend, and get those numbers back up?

I don’t think it’s likely to happen in my lifetime. I do think it’s possible, though.

I think it’s easier to cure the adverse and maladaptive effects porn has on women than it is in men. At least in my estimation, pornsickness in women is akin to pickmeism, and any depravity or degradation the woman expresses or endures is likely a secondary effect brought on by a desire to please the man she’s with, if that man happens to be pornsick. This can even extend to subsequent relationships, if certain attitudes or beliefs are internalized.

An example from my own life being, the rare times I dated a guy who wasn’t too far gone I still played the apathetic sex kitten with him, because in previous relationship(s) I had already internalized that ”this is what guys want”. Now, I seriously doubt that even the “good ones” hadn’t watched porn, I’m sure they had, but maybe not frequently enough or of less extreme content, so that the effect didn’t turn into full-blown pornsickness. There would be a moment though, where I saw he was a little taken aback by my behavior, that it wasn’t having the intended effect, and the realization that maybe if I had carried myself with a little more dignity in the bedroom, things might have gone better. For one, I might have enjoyed it more. Also in hindsight, the sinking suspicion that my internalization and repetition of that behavior may have contributed to the problem, normalizing it.

The only path to curing pickmeism that I can really speak of with any authority is my own, which involved a lot of soul-searching and work to get back in touch with what I really wanted for myself. It was a long hard path of growing up and reaching the maturity to stop giving a f_ck what other people thought or what pleases them and start caring more about my own needs first. I know I’m not the only woman on this subreddit who clawed her way up out of her former pickmeism to get here, and I’m not quite sure the process is the same for everyone. I think though, and correct me if I’m wrong, that for most women who have suffered from both afflictions, if you cure the pickmeism the pornsickness will clear right up along with it.

So, while I think it’s easier to cure pornsickness in women, I am by no means saying it’s easy.

In men, though, I think the first and biggest obstacle would be that they’d have to want to change. Some might be convinced by the growing evidence of how much damage porn consumption can do. As studies continue to show the deleterious effects of porn on one’s physical and mental health, as well as the adverse effects on relationships and one’s ability to engage in healthy intimacy, an educational campaign may help stem the tide at least, if not reverse it.

What do you think? Are there things we can support to improve the health of our society as a whole? Maybe pave the way for it to be better for future generations? Additionally, any thoughts on how to vet men for pornsickness, or estimations on how many non-pornsick guys there may be left out there?

Posted by huevos_and_whiskey | 11 January 2022 | Link