Backstory:

I turned 18 5 weeks ago, 7 weeks ago I lost my first relationship (she was the same age as me) because I made some dumb mistakes and acted like a BB.

Relationship initally lasted 3 weeks, then she broke things off (said we were too different blahblah she got with this other dude which I found out later). Another 3 weeks pass and she comes back (she lost interest in the other dude), and this lasted about 5 weeks until I break a promise (dumb mistake) and act like a BB (fail her shit tests, act needy and clingy). So 2 months in total.

Prior to this I never spoke to girls, small circle of friends, just always considered myself introverted, fapped 3 times a day. Hadn't even held a girl's hand before I met her. "THAT guy". Looks wise girls (including her) have rated me 7-8/10 and I have a skinnyfat body (used to me really fat but lost weight) but I'm currently lifting to change that.

After the second break up I was incredibly depressed, tried contacting her twice but she just completely ignored me, so I gave up. I'd have dreams of her and wake up feeling like shit. I spoke to a friend about it and felt a lot better, then I got into lifting. I started researching diets and which routine to follow and went to the gym consistently for 3 weeks and it felt great.

Soon after I discovered this place and started reading about theories and stories from other posters. For the last 5 days all I can think about is going to the past and imagining alpha things I should've said/done instead of the beta shit I said/did and how the outcome of the relationship would of been so much different (whether it was a text I sent or the things I did). I haven't been to the gym in the last 5 days but after I finish writing this post I will go as this has gone too far.

However, I also realised things about my ex which would make her not LTR material at all:

  • told me herself she loses and gains interest in guys quickly

  • at 17 has "kissed" under 10 guys ("kissed" in parenthesis as she says she has only kissed them, maybe for most of them they were just kisses, maybe some of those kisses were on the mushroom tip, I don't know)

  • gets angry/upset often at small things and if anything is her fault, she would never apologize (except this one time) and just say "that's just the way I am" or being on her period.

I guess i'm just bitter that i'm still a virgin and lost my oppurtunity to fuck her (I got real damn close), and knowing that a guy at some party probably went further with her than me who was with her for 2 months which is a big blow to the ego.

How do I get out of this spiral of oneitis, bitterness and looking back at the past all the time?