Crosspost "I(24M) am pretty sure that my professor(35F) is pregnant with my baby. I'm freaking out and don't know what to do." from /r/relationship_advice:

Throwaway for obvious reasons. I (24M) am a graduate student at a prestigious university. I'm also the treasurer of the student association here. In the August of last year, we had a kickoff party for our student association. After the party ended there was a lot of stuff to clean up. Unfortunately my other board members were drunk from partying and I was left with the majority of the clean up. I was doing this when a professor (35F) walked in. She forgot something and came back to pick it up. She saw me doing the cleaning alone and helped a little bit. And then she asked me if I needed help clearing the stuff out of there (there were some decorations, leftover food & drinks and some other important stuff). I told her I would appreciate that because I needed to get the stuff out of there and put it at my place because the place needed to be clean for another meeting the very next day. She told me she had a car and she could help with the stuff. I was very grateful for that because that would make my job so much easier.

We transferred all the stuff using her car and then since my studio was on the top floor, she also came with me into my studio to help me finish it in one go. She asked for some water and so I told her to make herself comfortable in the couch. I then noticed a half-empty bottle of wine among the leftovers and I asked her if she wanted that jokingly. She said sure and then we were just chatting and joking with some wine. The couch only had 2 seats and so we were sitting pretty close. It soon turned into some light flirting. She jokingly made a comment about how it was "the best date she's ever been on" and I was saying that "I might get lucky tonight". Then one thing led to another and then we slept together.

I made some stupid mistakes. I didn't know for sure if she was married but that's just an excuse I'm making for myself. It was reasonable to assume that she was married. I also had unprotected sex with her. I didn't have a condom and in the heat of the moment we both didn't think much. I also came inside her. I woke up the next day and I was freaking out. She was slightly freaking out too. But then she calmed down and told me she was on birth control and she would take a plan B just to be sure.

We didn't plan on it but I kept in touch with her. And then one thing led to another and we hooked up multiple times in the next few weeks. I hadn't had sex in over 2 years and therefore it felt nice to be desired. Every time we had sex, I came inside her with no hesitation whatsoever because she told me she was on birth control. I'm not making excuses and I know what I did was wrong. I wish I could take it back but the past is the past. After the 6th or 7th time, she cut off all contact with me. I knew what we were doing was wrong and so I just accepted it and carried on with my life.

I didn't see her after that because she belonged to the faculty of architecture and I was a aeronautical engineering student and our faculties are very far from each other with no courses overlapping. But yesterday, we had a half-yearly meeting in our student association again. I saw her and she was pregnant. I'm no expert but the baby bump looked like it was 6-7 months. I started freaking out because I had sex with her 6-7 months before and the timeline seemed to match. I went and threw up in the toilet out of fear. I didn't talk to her because I was afraid of how she might react or what she might say. I was afraid to even go inside the room.

She left the party sometime afterwards and I was finally able to go inside. I met with her teaching assistant and made small talk and asked her about the pregnancy. She said she was happy for her professor because she and her husband have been trying for a baby for 3 years and finally she was pregnant. I turned pale at this because now it feels like there could be an even bigger chance that the baby is mine. I couldn't sleep all night yesterday and I feel anxious all the time.

I have a couple of questions:

  1. How do I approach her and ask her about any of this? I don't know how to even begin having this conversation with her. If the baby is indeed mine, what do I do then?
  2. Even though she's a professor, I'm not under her supervision. She's from a completely different faculty and I'm from a completely different faculty. If this gets out, will she lose her job? I'm planning on telling someone but I don't know what will happen.

I'm from Europe, if that helps.

TLDR: I had unprotected sex with my professor about 6 months ago. I saw her yesterday and it seems like she's 6 months pregnant. How do I approach this situation?

Posted by Flustered_Fellow | 12 February 2022 | Link