Here is some background.

I'm 20 years old. I am still a virgin, I've never had a job, I've never been kissed, and I've never had a girlfriend. In high school, I tried to be the 'biggest bro.' It was pathetic, all my friends were guys and I can say I succeeded at being the 'biggest bro.' I tried to disguise myself with the 'biggest bro' facade because underneath I couldn't even be friends with a girl. I couldn't talk to them in groups, god forbid one-on-one. I drowned myself in video games (3 months of total playing time on League of Legends). I didn't give a fuck about school so I obviously never gave a thought about my future.

Being the idiot that I am, I was the average amongst averages of all students. Straight C's on every report card. My parents were surprised when I graduated high school. With my grades, I didn't even try for universities and went straight to community college.

After graduating high school, I decided to finally hit the gym, begging my mom at Costco for a 2-year deal at my local 24 Hour Fitness. Initially, I went on a pretty consistent basis. But I didn't lift. I went straight to the treadmill and ran my ass off for about half an hour, then would chill in the sauna and head home. I had a pretty good schedule and consistency going, but I got sick for a week and just never went back. There was a week where I went with my friend and I actually lifted! Today, he is ripped as shit and I am still skinny-fat.

College was a complete disaster. I lacked motivation. I would skip class and eventually get dropped (probably lasting a month into the semester). I was too scared to face my parents, so I would pretend like I was going to class and lie to their faces for 2 months until it eventually blew up in my face.

This self-destructive cycle continued for 2 years. I took a break from college for one semester, came back, and repeated the cycle like nothing changed.

This all stopped when I received an email from the college saying that I have been dismissed. I didn't even appeal for it, since I knew I'd do the same bullshit over and over again.

For 2 years, I jacked off everyday, sometimes twice a day, skipped class to play video games or smoke weed. All of this I did alone by the way. I'd do anything I could to avoid my family and talking about college. I am terrified of talking about my future.

I'm sitting here, a 20 year old loser, whose future looks like he'll live off his parents income and take care of them until they die. Probably get some dead end job and work the rest of my life until I die or off myself.

I'm putting effort into changing right now though. Ever since I discovered TRP, I wanted to change.

I eat the bare minimum, run twice a day, push-ups, sit-ups, and planks twice a day. I'm not in terrible shape at 5'10 184 lbs and I'm trying to get in the 160s. I want to lift, get muscles and get lean, but how am I suppose to ask for gym pass when i wasted my previous one. I don't think I'm in a position to ask for one seeing as lifting is the least of my worries.

I want your help, /asktrp. My future looks bleak right now, how do I change it.