Hello and thank you for taking the time out of your day to read this.

I just went through a breakup yesterday and I knew it was going to happen. I am grieving over it right now, and have done some reflection on my previous relationships. I have been blessed with generally great relationships. Especially this last one, she made sure I was taken care of, cooked, cleaned, bought me gifts, etc. Honestly I am thankful and I have grown a lot. At a point in all of my relationships I start to share the deepest parts of myself. In particular when I talk about my regrets and insecurities I notice that the women in my life tend to avoid me or leave me.

I am currently seeing a therapist and he encouraged me to be open with my feelings. I was out on a 2 week business trip and was insecure about my relationship. I was open and straightforward. I told her I was feeling insecure while I was out on this trip and wanted some comfort and reassurance. She gave me neither and broke up with me when I came back.

I feel like any time I open up and talk about my regrets and insecurities, there is a loss of attraction and respect. I feel like being born as a man, everything is on my shoulders and I have to be strong all the time. Once in a while I need to rest and set everything down, but the second I do, I'm suddenly not enough.

I'm not interested in having a relationship where I'm this idealized male figure. I'm tired of taking all of the responsibility. I'm tired of not being able to voice my feelings, fears, and insecurities. I'm tired of not being able to show any weakness.

I know these relationships are possible. I've seen them. I'm from a family where both the men and women are with you through thick and thin. I've seen my uncle lose his job and his wife supported him for two years. I've seen my own mother go through cancer and my father worked two jobs to pay for her chemo. I was with my LTR through two suicide attempts, one of which I got hurt in.

Where do you find these people and how do you screen them? When you are in a relationship obviously the other party will tell you that they will love you unconditionally. That they will be with you in sickness and health, but when it comes time to show that, they leave. How do you test someone's character before investing so much time and energy in them? There has to be a better way then jumping into it and hoping they will catch you when you fall.