First I want to say I know about the dumb reddit username I was assigned. Like a lot of dudes here I lurked/still do forever and just signed up with the name they gave me & apparently can't change it now to some alpha respect me shit but that's maybe me hamstering then projecting the dngaf we all love here right? Anyway, as the title suggest I went monk mode after years and years of fucking my life up with women, the same type of woman...and it was all my fault.

As a caveat, I'm not married and never have been but I had no idea about this shit and the red pill until, as I'm sure like a lot of you here, you deal with some nuclear irrational bullshit and you type into google in the wee hours of the night 'is my girlfriend/wife bipolar or clinically insane because she did xyz?' Down the rabbit hole you go to Rollo, Rich, NMMNG, the 33 Secrets guy and all of a sudden like a phoenix rising you hear other stories from guys on this reddit platform and some things start to click become a little more clear. Then you say to yourself the cliche "where was this shit when I was 18?!"

Not to bore you with the intricate details of every relationship I've been in over the years- but the most common traits in the women I have dated have been absent/abusive fathers and highly emotional hot/cold push pull why tf is she acting like this right now it's not normal type girl. Like all guys I wanted that hot chick that was even hotter than my last girl before her because fuck her and her craziness and once you fuck a hot chick it's hard to go back to not fucking a hot chick. So yeah that ego fueled mentality. I hamstered away their unstable attitudes and craziness over the years as hey we all have baggage, she's hot and I don't want to lose her, I can't imagine her being with some other guy, I'll be there for her, I'll show her and win her over, if I just did this this and this or this with this then we can be good. Fucking dumb all of it and it never worked. One because the universal energy of covert contracts will never win. Ever. I was in these types of relationships for nearly 20 straight years (I'm almost 40 now). I was in debt bc of them/me, had high anxiety issues, drinking too much, constant worry, chase mode, insecure as fuck and ultimately not happy. But I chose to stay in this dumb shit and my weak mindset made it a million times worse esp with these types of women. One of the best articles I've seen on explaining a girl like this is here:

https://www.forums.red/p/TheRedPill/6860/red_flags_101_the_absent_father

- it's spot on along with other female traits you see that are hypersensitive to a male beta mindset i.e. your girlfriend's hot and cold behavior, the need for her always have control, mega irrational shit testing, trust issues, no real friends, problems with their family, alcohol abuse, can't hold a job, delusional paranoia, argumentative, uncooperative, constant devaluing and emasculating - if you've ever dated a BPD chick you know the rest. Shout out to HornsofApathy as I believe he posted the above link in his 'this is what a year of OYS looks like.'

You as a man then start to blame everyone else not knowing that your mindset has caused a lot of if not all of this on yourself. Realizing this is a frying pan to the forehead, wait my parents aren't really my parents type of moment...and maybe as some of you have also, I decided to go monk mode. No relationships, lift, stay inside more, consume red pill knowledge, it's all about me, stfu about anything and everything and reassess my whole fucking life. Rambo mindset maybe too hard at first? But tried to be cognizant of it. Not monk mode forever or mgtow or whatever just reassessing and deprogramming for awhile if possible and if others have done similar, are currently or thinking of doing this too.

Monk Mode:

**kind of advice but mostly how I F'ed up and tried to learn from it.

Monk mode started and morphed into some things I didn't expect then learned even more about myself from all in the below. First, I realized quick I was kinda doing mm to get distance from my last girlfriend in hopes that her not hearing a peep or seeing pictures of me would cause her to reach out and also I had the energy where I wanted people to feel sorry for me bc hopefully they could sense I was in an unfamiliar place in my life. Covert city and fucking dumb. I realized this then changed but it took some time.

Second, sitting by myself and not sedating with tv, movies, social media and all the other dumb shit out there that's all just noise was also fucking hard. Going mm and sedating yourself with technology is counterproductive and you won't improve. Reading an actual book is gold. Hit the gym and really hit the gym in the free weights section. I know it's hard but who cares if you look dumb at first and don't half ass a workout bc you want to occasionally stare at the hot chick in the gym instead of focusing on yourself. Guilty of that. Not lifting on the machines, or the elliptical and don't go in there and just fuck around and stare at your phone for 75% of the time then leave like a lot of guys do- including what I used to do. Red pill content is good but don't become addicted to it which is easy to do when going monk. I was and still love reading this shit but if you're sitting in front of your computer comparing your situation to that of a stranger for hours on end it's not healthy. Been there too. There's a certain high from reading and relating to a good MRP post that feels like an internal win and fuck you to everyone after dealing with so much defeat from women. That was me too for a good part of my monk mode. Also, don't shut off completely and isolate yourself like you've been thrown into solitary at Shawshank. Talk to women, the one's you really want to talk to but just don't expect anything. If you pull a number cool if not there are a million others who are cooler and equally as hot. Don't sit inside and be mad at your retard autist friend who pulled or even married a cool normal acting dime piece, there are others out there. It's easy to self-loathe and stay there for days/weeks/months/years/lifetime on end.

There are good days and bad, one step forward then two back but you learn some things -- reflecting is good but being too cerebral can be paralyzing. Don't overthink everything. One of my main problems esp during mm and my life in general is it took me a long long time to recognize and take steps to correct this. Overthinking can cause hesitation, going against your instincts, unwarranted fears and women/everyone can pick up on this. An alpha mindset knows what to do and does it naturally, which comes with practice and going through shit. It's all nature and you can't control all of it but your thoughts you can with practice. And don't worry too much about is this alpha? or did that make me look beta? in front of even an average at best girl that you pedestalized and think has potential to be an HB8 or whatever. I'm guilty of all this so not trying to act like I know things because in reality I've learned I know nothing.

Anyway I'm about six or so months in monk mode and these are some things I've learned as a single guy, living in a big metropolitan city having gone through relationships with attractive women that possess a certain mental frame then going monk for a bit. Hope it helps and if not that's cool. This is my first post so feel free to rip it apart or me because I have no MRP cred or don't bc no one really cares in the end right. Just keep staying strong and handle your shit one day at a time and be good to people but do things for you and the rest will take care of itself but you gotta put in the work. You've heard it all before. Peace.