I layed out most of my story on r/Divorce for anyone that wants to fully read it. Sorry for those that are members to both if you have to re-read my situation again.
My wife and I are headed for a divorce. Fifteen years together, 10 of those married, 2 kids, a dog, a cat and a house together. We've been "business partners" for the past 2 years or so and we lost that spark....hell, maybe it was really never there to begin with and we just autopiloted our way through our relationship. Sex life was nonexistent, but she's a good mom and a ying to my yang for the most part. We enjoy each other's company for the most part, but I could tell something was off.
I've had past drinking issues, which I've finally rebounded from (4 months ago) and thought I was starting to reconcile our rocky past, but we still seemed off and distant. So I had a talk with her last week trying to figure it out and she told me she wanted out. I didn't want out, I wanted to speak to a counselor and see if we could figure out our issues, but she refuses. I'm pretty sure she wants to see someone else at work that she has a major crush on. I think she wanted to have this talk for a while but was too chicken to bring it up...she alluded to that fact, but used my courage to have "the talk" to springboard into divorce.
I'd say our problems are 60/40 me, maybe 70/30, but I don't think it's anything we couldn't try to mend, but she refuses. Anyway, she wants to keep things status quo for now while we figure out how to handle our situation. This was supposed to be the house our kids grew up in and we retired in, but now that's not going to happen. Neither one of us can leave right now, and until she tells her family she wants to keep it quite and keep the ball rolling.
For now we are in the same bedroom until we clean out and organize the spare bedroom and I'll move in there. I haven't done it yet because she doesn't want to upset the kids immediately with me moving out of our bedroom. We talked about doing it after we visit her Dad who lives 9 hours away and she tells him the bad news. We had a trip planned out to visit him at the end of July.
She asked me if I still want to go with her and the kids and initially I said YES. One reason is because I would hate to have her have both kids (7 and 2) all alone on long trip from NJ to SC to visit him. Also, she doesn't want to reveal any abnormalities if she tells her Dad that I am not coming to visit, then she'd have to have the conversation with him over the phone as opposed to in person.
The more and more I think about it, I don't know if I really feel like going. It's going to be two days travel down (one night in a hotel), four days visiting him, then two days travel back (and another hotel stay). We are civil and "nice" to each other for the most part but it's going to be really uncomfortable I think. Part of me said YES initially because I was hoping that maybe it would jar something loose in that brain of hers that she is making a mistake, but it seems she's got her talons gripped tight in divorce.
We also started planning a trip to Disney for December a few months ago too, before all of this happened, and I'm pretty sure that isn't going to happen now.
Am I wrong for not wanting to go? Should I soldier up and just suck it up and do it for my kids sake? I'm just so lost right now and I don't know if it's healthy for me (or her) to take that trip together. I doubt she'll let the kids stay home with me, and I don't know if cancelling it will work either.
Anyone have any help/opinions or similar situation?
And yes I have a therapy session scheduled for next week.
