My wife and I going on vacation. She decided where we go and the hotel, and I was fine with that because in the past, when I chose, she was almost always unhappy. I don't really care so much about quality if hotel room and service, as I go on holiday to change the scenery, enjoy the nature a generally out and about. However, this time I was perfectly happy to let ger decide and book everything. She also chose how we get there (long drive i.e. days long, instead of plane). I reluctantly accepted thar instead of separating the family on our trip and me flying. Now, one thing I did chose, and insisted on is a particular, somewhat untested route for the drive, because it would save us some money (€50-€75) at the expense of what google maps showed of 1.5h extra drive on top of a 10h drive. It's not a big amount of money, but I felt it's an unnecessary spend, when we've done 12h drives regularly. It turned out to be a really bad decision because we ended up waiting at a border crossing for 7.5h. The pay route also had a border crossing, so in my mind it was equally risky, thus I never researched it. I may or may not have found info on wait times. The wife was very insistent on the pay route but I said this is important to me, and was v firm, so she just went along with it.

Days later she was still super upset with me for being so insistent, that she felt she could only say no at the risk of a huge fight with me, but also just super annoyed with me that we had such a crap start to our holiday. She said she can't enjoy her vacation, and I caused it. She withdrew and couldn't spend time with kids because of her upsetness.

I made a wrong choice, but I think I should be allowed to make wrong choices in a relationship, because otherwise I have no freedom to be myself. She says this is what makes her not trust me, since she has better instincts, and I should just not insist on my choice. I think a wife should be supportive of her husband, even when he makes an imperfectly researched choice. If you decided to go along with it, then go along with it, whatever the consequence. Otherwise, put up a fight ahead of it, even if that puts strain on the marriage. In all honesty, I would have thought of her as highly unreasonable if she had done that. Ok, I was wrong, but perhaps only in retrospect. I took a risk, not knowing what I would encounter in the new route, but I feel like as a partner, she should choose to support me, not blame me that her whole vacation is ruined, she looses trust, etc. If decisions that I make turn out to have such dire consequences, then I have no freedom. Unless she decides everything on holiday, it won't be right.

Now for the questions: How do you hold onto your freedom and self esteem as a guy in such a circumstance, while also caring for the wife and family?

More importantly: if spouse makes choices that turn out to not be so good, do you loose respect or do you choose to support?

Do you need trust to be earned, or do you give it because you chose this man as a husband? Is this whole thing about trust anyway?