Let me preface this by saying I don’t really like the term “dating down” because I don’t really believe that anybody is lesser or greater, or more or less deserving. I just had to boil it down succinctly for the title of my post.

What I really mean is that I’m tired of not feeling as if the women I date bring comparable levels of value to the table within the context of a relationship.

I’m a young professional that makes a lot of money, is above average in looks(this may sound narcissistic, but I’m just attempting to paint a picture here. I used to model as a datapoint), has plenty of hobbies and interests outside of work, loves to cook and clean, and as a partner I’ve been consistently told I’m emotionally attentive, caring and a good listener. I’ve also historically taught / introduced the women I’ve been with to a lot of new ideas, activities, etc.

I feel as if the women I’ve mostly had the opportunity to date only bring a fraction of these things to the table, and often times don’t challenge me intellectually.

This feeling of asymmetry while dating has been increasingly frustrating for me on a personal level. I don’t feel as if it’s too much to ask to find someone that’s attractive (to me), intellectually stimulating, emotionally mature, has a good career, and plenty of interests / hobbies… the flip side is that I’m wondering if I’m asking for too much and should temper my expectations?

Perhaps a potential partner doesn’t need to check every box, and I need to decide what’s most important to me? And then I can get the things I’m missing from my relationship from outside sources (I.e, sharing in or learning new things and hobbies with friends).

I’ve mentioned this to friends and they’ve suggested I should try and grow with someone, which is great and all, but this requires a large time investment, and as I get older I’m aware that I, 1. Have less time and 2. Don’t want an almost paternal relationship with my partner where I’m the primary source of their growth.

Would be curious to hear other people’s thoughts.

Also worth noting that I’m in no way saying I’m perfect. Everybody has developmental points and is constantly growing (at least ideally from my perspective).