I am somebody that is currently experiencing retroactive jealousy OCD. You can find better descriptions of this condition/disorder if you search it online, but in short it’s described as being obsessed about your partner’s past (particularly sexual). People with this condition/disorder typically ask their partners endless questions, experience “mini-movies” in their heads about their partner having sex, etc. It’s destructive to a relationship.

My situation is this. I would like to include the details to better propose my question to you all. My girlfriend and I have been seeing each other since the very early summer, and have recently started officially dating. I am halfway through 20, she just turned 26. Everything has been perfect. When I am not experiencing retroactive jealousy, I am so happy with her.

Unfortunately, her past more than disturbs me. She is only my second sexual partner. I am her 14th. I don’t want to get too personal about this, so I’ll just summarize. She went to a private Christian school until she was 18. She didn’t lose her virginity until she was 22. She claims at the time she was a mess and had extremely low self esteem. She had never had male validation before. According to her, this all resulted in her having her “hoe phase” and fucking anybody gave her attention. She tries to downplay everything. I don’t know whether I believe her, but she says most of the men she’s been with haven’t been very attractive. She had a threesome but she says the guys had small dicks and didn’t finish. She fucked a massive dude with a massive dick but said it hurt too bad to do anything with and it lasted 30 seconds. She’s just trying to make me feel better.

The worst part is this. She considered herself to be a serial cheater when I met her. She had cheated on her last 3 boyfriends. Now you might call me crazy for staying with her after hearing that. I feel like it, trust me. However, she had been going therapy for almost a year when I met her, and she hasn’t given me any real reason to distrust her. I’ve asked her over and over again but she says she feels mature enough to tell me if she wanted somebody else. I’m probably a fool but I’ve seen her make improvements in all areas of her life since I’ve come around. I hope she doesn’t hurt me but my philosophy is to be a good man despite this world being a cruel place.

Anyways, I constantly picture her fucking all these different dudes. All day long. It’s terrible and I can’t focus on anything. It’s absolutely miserable. My rational mind is telling me that it was just a bad part of her life and I have no reason to compare myself to these guys. I’m a great guy, I’m good looking and in great shape. I have a great family and a great boyfriend. Still, I’m pissed these guys got to see her like that.

Sorry for the rant, back to the point. Retroactive jealousy OCD is considered a disorder or a condition or whatever. Most people would probably not be so obsessive about their partners past like I am. However, I sort of feel like this isn’t irregular. Sure I have obsessive tendencies. But is this sort of thing really supposed to be normal?? I feel like the degenerating world we live in is creating these sort of situations for men. Most men don’t get laid that often, it’s just the truth. I am not into casual sex, but even if I were it might not be as easy for me as it was for her.

Women are told that fucking guys casually is the key to empowerment. It’s so odd to me, but any attractive woman is going to have had probably 10+ bodies by the time they turn 25. The worst part to me is that they’re still expected to be treated the same when they want to settle down with the nice guy after they’ve been ran through. I wouldn’t expect a girl to to the same for me if I had fucked 10+ people by 25. I understand somebody wanting a partner that respects themselves the same way they do. I do too, but unfortunately my heart wants what it wants.

I don’t know. I love my partner, I don’t mean to paint her in a bad light. I’m trying to separate who she was with who she is. I just can’t get over her past and I’m worried I’m missing the red flags. I’m wondering if I should be with somebody that respected themselves as I have. I’m rambling and upset but I am accepting any opinions about my relationship or on this retroactive jealousy OCD thing. Am I a moron? Am I misogynistic? How can I get over this? Has anybody else experienced a similar situation? Is retroactive jealousy a reasonable response to the sexually free society we live in? Or is it truly irregular and everybody should be okay with their future long term partners being fucked hundreds of time before?