Ok, right off the bat, I'm not here to say women are the root of all evil or go off on a tangent hating radical feminism. It's my belief that family law is based on archaic ideals and outdated gender roles within the nuclear family. Even though laws are evolving in many states, they still contain numerous contexts for angry, bitter individuals to act in nefarious ways. Men are overwhelmingly the targets of such predatory family law practices.
My personal experience is that a woman can make repeated perjurious claims with zero impunity. Regardless of whether or not they have any supportive evidence, they can use fictional narratives to seize control of marital assets, stewardship of the children, get monthly stipends, limit or eliminate access of the father from the children or cause a myriad of other injustices by just making up a story and spending an hour or two in a domestic violence center at a county courthouse. All a woman has to do is say "I'm afraid" and list extremely generic and clichéd references like "He pushed me against the wall" or "He said he would 'get me'" and any and all parental rights and rights to marital assets vanish for the man without barely any due process whatsoever. Once those rights are lost, they generally stay lost with only cursory restorations. I have never in my life laid a finger on my ex-wife or our children in anger. NEVER. I am not an abuser of women or children. I am not violent person at all in any way shape or form. However, that did not stop me from spending 19 days in jail during our separation (we had a civil no-contact order at the time and she requested I come to the marital home to supposedly reconcile - stupid me). A day after I finally made the $10K bail the prosecutor’s office called and told me this was a civil matter and they weren't pursuing charges.
Financially, the divorce wiped me completely out, including losing the house my parents gave me as a wedding gift. I left the marriage with bank accounts emptied, credit cards maxed, with only my car, my computer, my golf clubs, my clothes, two end-tables and some personal trinkets from childhood and $50K in debt – while being ordered to pay $900 a month on a $35K a year salary.
The drama didn't end there, though. After the divorce was final, my ex prefaced every affiliated third party meeting (children's Drs, school officials, etc...) with slander of me being bipolar, drug addicted, alcoholic, abusive - you name it. Can anyone relate to walking into a Dr.'s appointment for your child only to have one of the nurses shadow you through the building? When asked why they are doing such a thing, they refuse to tell you? To say that it’s humiliating is an understatement. The worst part of it all is that my ex-wife's obsessive hatred and desire for revenge and full control of parenting rights is causing profound, long term damage to the emotional well being of the children. Any attack against either parent bares little difference from attack against the children themselves. It's amazing how many people forget this in divorce. My son was baker acted January 2013 during an outburst at school, when he told a school resource officer he didn't want to live anymore and tried to run into busy traffic. He spent a couple of days at a mental hospital before being released. He currently is treated by a psychiatrist for an anxiety disorder and ADHD. He is 12 years old. My daughter is 14, I haven't had visitation with her in 3.5 years. She has adopted my ex-wife's hatred of me without any rational cause. We have court ordered reunification counseling sessions 1-2 times monthly that my ex has tried to terminate with outbursts and also by bringing her attorney to the sessions.
My ex-wife is a malevolent parent. She is a parental alienator and my children suffer from parental alienation syndrome. I know this because I have consulted with a number of counselors and family law professionals who have educated me on what my situation is. The ex is mad because I had an extra-marital affair and after nearly 9 years of separation and divorce she's as hateful and angry as ever and seems not to have ever gotten over it. I went on to get educated, double my earning and get remarried. The more successful I became - worse it got with the ex manipulating the children. It's been an unbelievable trial to go through this. When I separated from the ex, I could never imagine giving up on the children and just walking away, but now I understand why so many fathers do just that. I've chosen to stay and fight. My children need their father. It's taken years in the courts to get to the point now where some things may finally get addressed and resolved. I remember my attorney at the time telling me that once a woman files a restraining order against you for domestic violence, there is nothing you can do to get it dismissed except wait for a period of time to lapse without incident so you can prove your innocence. No judge is going to take the chance of dismissing the restraining order. The law is completely unconstitutional, but hey that’s just life. So quick are they to take from the man as a matter of regular procedure. So long it takes to move in the opposite direction. So someone tell me… How is this not an utterly flawed system that needs serious overhauling? Just because a person has two X chromosomes doesn’t guarantee they will be nurturing and exercise good judgment. If the mother is ruthless and amoral enough to take advantage of the domestic violence provisions the man has no chance to fight that. Children and the fathers do suffer greatly because of these inequities.