I've been at my school for four years as of 2018. During my time, I've felt high amounts of jealousy towards other males. This is my story, and whether or not I can fix my reputation at the school is up to you.
Year 1: I started at a new school feeling quite good. I had been the alpha male in my past two schools, and I was confident that I could make it here. Nothing really happened during this year, and things were fine. I didn't get a gf, but I was young and it didn't matter. So yeah, this year was fine.
Year 2: This is the year where it all went downhill. It started out fine, I was fitting in with the popular kids and girls, and I was doing great. Until roughly around November/December. This is where I started to come down with major oneitis, and I started to neglect my more popular and positive friends and hang out with more cynical and pessimistic people. One of them was very popular, and was very successful with girls, which would lead to a lot of jealousy. Anyway, around this time I had the incident where I put my arm around a girl and was called out for it. That fucked me up. I also told a girl I loved her (big mistake) and she started to see me as a creep. My relationship with that girl and many of her friends broke. Around March, I started to become increasingly depressed and annoyed about my situation. On March 30 - April 1, we had a trip. This trip was one of the worst things for my self esteem ever. Two boys had girls around them 24/7. My friend and I, we'll call him BC, was also extremely negative. There was an incident where the girl I was chasing talked and flirted with one of these boys right in front of me. Anyway, throughout the year, both of these boys were kissed and had gfs. I didn't. Near the end of the year, the girl I had been chasing rejected me. This also fucked me up. The summer of 16 was spent wondering what I did wrong.
Year 3: The year started with the girl who thought I was creepy inviting me to her bday party. During this, I did encounter a girl who flirted with me, but I was dumb and didn't escalate. Other than that, it was shit. I felt lonely even though I was among friends. The new year started, and not much changed. I had an opportunity to get a gf, but I turned it down. BC got a gf, and I was routinely allowed to socialize with the popular kids, but I didn't. Also I heard tales of girls and boys losing their virginity. This angered me, and I slipped further into cynicism. Anyway, over this summer I vowed I would improve myself - I would be popular. I would change. Year 4: I haven't really changed. I've made new friends and had a few girls flirt with me, but I can't shake the feeling I'm just not good enough. I'm not "alpha." I don't know what my problem is - I think it's a combination of having a negative, bitter, hateful, sarcastic attitude, a lack of putting myself out there, and a lack of self-confidence. Can I fix myself? Can I become the alpha? Or is it too late? I'm in my freshman year of HS. Can I change? If so, will people think my new alpha behavior is odd? I'm not an outcast, and I am actually quite popular - but I don't get girls, and I think it is because of my attitude. Can I change my reputation at this point? Can I be the alpha?